Ten steps to surviving a laptop apocalypse with your sanity.

In not quite chronological order:

Step one: start off a few days behind
on your blogging ,tv shows and other regular scheduled internet pleasures because you were busy screwing around on facebook and/or getting a high score on a wiigame-
(I can do thirty push ups on the fit now )
This comes in handy later.

or not.


Step two:
Already have malfunctioning everything else in your household ,so you can have that end all "everything hates me ,nothing works right for me" vibe going.

This includes the central air unit dying so you can be already in manic breakdown mode because you are locked in a bedroom with a tiny window unit-
TRAPPED,in the room,in the home,in the county you don't even want to be in in the 1st place... it is a wonderful feeling.trust me.



Step 3:( or two and half?...)
Make sure you child and pet are being completely needy ,whiny and stir crazy-
That way, you know that you are in EXTREME need of your one escape
..don't forget to make sure you don't have satellite or basic cable.


Step 4 : the break.
This happens when your laptop is already nice and overheat prone- your livingroom is 900000 degrees and your battery is so dead you have to leave the laptop plugged in at all times.
Now the fun part...upload pics for your new blogpost(about your nephew-inlaw-s 15th birthday) to a new account on the interenets you can barely remember the password for ... and get started on a new post,
Then leave the room - and come back to see the child's buttery corn cob rolling across your keyboard- check the whole laptop.. discover the corner of the screen looks slightly off
...it may have already had that off color line in it , and you didn't notice until the close inspection.it doesn't really matter.
- she also may have spilled water on it,( note the other side of bed is wet from an melting ice she just had to have with her snack)
-sigh-
Turn it off, take out battery.
turn it on later... watch the screen blink.
Then watch it go technicolor. highly entertaining.

Step 5: plan your escape.
This step is important.' less you have time to actually contemplate burning everything down because it all feels like crap.


Also, so you can abuse your relative's interents- and central air

-like so with the Etrade baby- also, yell at Lissy for me for cutting that baby's gorgeous curls off:
Remember to take loads of pictures you cannot upload to your blog and feel months more behind than you even were...

Also do this , so your bro can be your lifesaver giving you another window-unit ac so you can at least open your house back up and use wii while your net is down.
..but,
To reallllly escape you must lose it so completely that your poor hubby feels the need to use money you don't have to spoil you ,by taking you to a tiny beach front motel-
a night in beach front bliss, a wicked wicked sunburn(no amount of reapplying sunblock saved me when I spent the entire day out there .Rory however inherited Ri's skin and got a little brown but no burn at all, in fact she says she did not get sun her butt just got pale.)





- and a pathetic attempt at surfing..hey! I caught a wave...on my belly

Yep.More pics I don't have photoshop for
and I think got sand in my camera


Step 6- Facing the death...or debt
Attempt to use technicolor dream screen laptop
-plan to get a cord to use the tv as a screen..
instead, watch it fizzle and disappear from function completely.
Fear the loss of harddrive.
Reopen that credit card with dell... oh, You know ,the one you just paid off when you got rid of all your credit cards? ,yeah-that one.
Order a new desktop.
pssh. This home has killed toooo many laptops,now Ri says he won't get another.
Maybe one day when they are water and heat proof.

We are now doomed back into credit debt. We had paid everything off but with the home repairs to put the house back on the market, Ri opened one back up and then got the new computer.sigh.
When does it end???


Step 7-The time suck.

waiting. cleaning. not cleaning. going to bed early. depression.using limited connection on Ri's crappy borrowed phone for minimal facebook updates. Getting really far on Mario Galaxy, doing almost 2000 hulahoops in 6 minutes on the wiifit and winning the tilt table game on advanced mode.
Help paint the doors and floor trim white , further destroying the carpet
- while realizing hubby and child both suffer from the 'lowBP I haven't ate yet grumpies',

Stay up late one night trying to help Ben fix up his Wii-
Poor Ileana


....In your boredom assemble desk and cheapo tv stand hubby bought with his shiny new credit card.
Reorganize the house, and pour carpet freshner everywhere...including a surprise- (Rory spilled my iced coffee )-wet spot on the rug, which means, stain. arg!!!!!

Step 8: Do not forget your unluck!

Get the computer tower, and keyboard ~!! yay.
but the monitor doesn't come for another day!
Spend that day waiting for it thinking you'll have to sign for it, only to discover you didn't have to.

Appease your hubby by going out to eat at your own personal hell (a buffet in palatka) "does the asparagus have bacon ,too???"
Then walmart.. because we all love credit debt and walmart people ,right?

Somehow, talk Ri out of his NEED for a new keyboard because he thinks the keyboard that came with the computer was too small...
Only to discover when you return home, and start to setup ,
that that keyboard,
that brand spanking new one you just unwrapped from the plastic DOESN'T WORK!!!!
and you cannot use your brand new GD computer!!!!

....Once again have brother as lifesaver , when you call JJ to find out if he just maybe,maybe has a usb keyboard - he not only DOES have a spare one laying around, he brings it to you right then, in the middle of the night!( I LOVE my family!)



Step 9: recovery.


there is no recovery!
How many times must you press the ignore button on the apps page of your facebook??
How many things am I behind on on my google reader..

and TV?? lets not talk about the backlog of shows I have to watch. I am a badbadbad tv addict and i missed season fanalies! I am still catching up on them and trying to ignore people discussing!
- I mean NPH was on glee for goodness sake!

Also,We are still uncertain whether the harddrive is fried. it worked a few times but it hasn't since.is there recovering all we had on that??




Step 10 : Is This. The return to blog.
We will see how that helps.
Ri is trying to install my photoshop for me and I have a bunch of pictures .I think I will go ahead and make another post for the rest of the pics I don't bog any readers ( I might have left ) down , with both a slide show and an explanation-

So in advance ,forgive me for the next pic heavy post.

I will leave you though, with those net ready pics from Jade's 15th birthday that were sposed to be in that post that died with my laptop and my sanity...


Oh wait, I totally said this was how to survive WITH sanity, didn't I?
Well shit, if you believed that you are way crazier than me!

clickable thumbnails ,I'm feeling resize lazy.

Rory and Haley (Ri's niece)




Yes... those are Rory's hands blocking the fingers of other kids out of the freaky black frosting


His birthday spanking-I don't entirely think it was fair to count all five of those hands as one..lol


Jade and his big present.it came with loads of rules and responsibilities.Hopefully he follows them... we shall see

Hey.. that's sorta almost a pic of him with a shirt on.



Rory and Ri's mom
:) Well. I have tv shows to watch. Photos to start uploading - Oh but I will be back! I have more niece and nephew pictures, more beach pictures,even some pool pictures from today. I mostly wanted to explain my absence, or lack of any shred of sanity.

... Mwhahahahaha
I am so screwed


PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

Confucius said:A man of wisdom delights in water.

Jeeez Lady! Quit playing with facebook apps/ checking your googlereader, and get to blogging!
Right??

There has been SO much going on the last week(week? hmmmm the wee hours Wednesday/Thursday , to the next Wednesday/Thursday I must get really board on Wednesdays nights? -- sure, lets say a week then )..

Well, in any case, I'm not sure where to start.
All I really know is that, Rory wants the internet and told her I was busy writing a blog...
so, I'd better sit here and look busy so she stops asking.

She has been sort of difficult.
As if ignoring me won't get her in trouble-
and when did she start thinking rephrasing a question would change the answer?huh?
I'm gonna lose my mind!!!

You'd think a day our is the sort of thing I would love, and that a day away would leave her missing me , and me just happy to be away from her?? You'd think that,right??

Saturday, Rory got invited to her 1st ever sleepover. She stayed the night with her friend Emily- We weren't sure if she would do well with it all.. We really feared she would call wanting to come home.
Ri and I were afraid to plan much for fear she would get scared and we would need to go get her. But no.
I wanted to call and check on her one hundred times an hour. I would call( I limited myself hoping not to drive them crazy... that and Ri hid my phone from me-well, his phone died and he had to borrow one from a friend, and then another from his sis) ,
...but every time I called Rory would be too busy playing to even talk to me and I would sniffle about how big she was.
They spent their time swimming in the pool ,and playing with barbies.Rory didn't even keep them up too late( I was sort of worried she would pull the nocturnal overtired act on them).

So Ri and I had the whole Saturday to ourselves!
It should have been awesome.
but.
Did I tell you our AC broke?Yeah , it is still broken. And it turns out, I can't sleep without it.Ri and Rory did fine. I ,however,was on day four of not sleeping.
Also, Ri found a new home for Sweets.We had been talking about giving up the cats. With the plans to move to a St.Auggy apt (most of them ARE dog friendly, but oddly not cat friendly) and Sweets ' health finally starting to improve. I do understand we MUST figure out what to do with the wild stray cat who appears to now be preggy( I still don't know what we will do with her),
I just wasn't as ready to give up Sweets-Ri didn't even tell me until Sweets was already gone( I guess he thought it would be better)Instead, it broke my heart, (plus. how will I tell Rory?? I still haven't , and I feel soo bad?!!) so I spent Friday night ,Day four of no sleep, balling my eyes out.

So by Saturday afternoon when we could have done something together I was a mess. I couldn't even think anymore. I collapsed into a sweaty heap on the bed eyes not even able to focus- while Ri put the old window unit Ac in and let me sleep the whole day. It was really nice of him ,though I don't think he was thrilled about not getting to spend the day out with me.

Sunday morning was really weird...
Ri had to work, and Rory still wasn't home when I got up.I didn't even know what to do with myself all alone in the morning!
I could sit in the quiet and watch a whole show without pausing.. i kept getting confused though. It was just an odd feeling to not have such things interrupted.


She did eventually come home- and make up for every second of silence trying to say 800 paragraphs in one long run on sentence about her whole trip


There's my baby!
She is soo big! She had a blast!
~Sniffle~

I spent the rest of Sunday getting ready for Monday-
We all tried to get to sleep early, so we could head to Orlando to see Ben,Ileana and baby Bella - yay!

They had invited us to a day out away from the house stress( Have I mentioned the house stress in this post?- I won't I don't feel like it.. I'm locked up in the bedroom pretending the rest of the house doesn't exist) .Ri hung the big blanket up to keep the cool ac in the bedroom so Noobie wouldn't be too hot.

We decided to go out to Blizzard Beach- The weather was perfect for it!
Ri & I had never been. We kept the secret from Rory that night,but we tried to explain it the morning to no avail- she was excited though. We let her sleep all the way there- she was super excited when we got to Ben's and saw them all ready to go in their suits too.
Unfortunately for my camera - water park is NO JOKE there, we locked pretty much everything up in lockers and headed off in just our suits.
Fortunately ,for you- Disney has camera people around to take pictures .
Rory loved every minute of it. We headed to the baby section first letting Rory ride little kiddie slides and Bella splash a little.

Bella, Ileana and Ben:


Aren't they ADORABLE!?!!
The lazy river(or Cross Country Creek as they call it) knocked Bella Right out- soo cute.
I think we all really dug that part. It slow and calm ,but I always think it is the coolest thing in a water park.
I want to dig a moat around my house and have it be a lazy river.. I would live in it.

(just pretend I am not soo pale,broken out and that I look better in a bathingsuit, ok?- thanks)

Rory had trouble figuring out if she preferred a the small raft, or the big ones- she didn't get wet at on a small one, but fell through too much on the bigger ones.
There are parts of the Creek that you go through ICE cold waterfall- Rory also wasn't sure if she liked those or not- Bella Did NOT like them-
but I think they did pretty good covering her and avoiding them for the most part

Bella was soo well behaved .. In fact , it wasn't until near the end of the day (when she got a bit hungry)that I heard her fuss at all.

The guys headed for the BIG HUGE slide while Rory and I played at the big kid area ,and Bella& Ileana had some time in the shade.
Rory failed trying to walk across the floating icebergs- and the lifeguard got distracted asking me about my hair instead of watching ( I was still watching and we had went ahead and got Rory a life jacket anyway). Rory LOVED the kiddie slides though and went down them over& over and over-
We even spied Ben& Ri going down the slide- Ileana saw them in line and ran to make sure the cam guy caught it
From where we were(Rory and I were in line for the kiddy intertube ride) we could hear Ben scream down the ride-


wait for it:

That slide is like the 5th tallest thing in Florida! You go up to 65 miles an hour sliding down it!
Ri says was amazing.Crazy! He said he couldn't believe the feeling of careening and losing control as you went sooo fast into the bottom.
My thought- the lift, the line , and wait- all for a 2 second ride that mostly just accomplishes giving you the most amazing wedgie of your life...no. thanks.Would I ever find my bikini bottom??
Rory and I saw them on the snow ski style lift that takes you to the top of the high rides and was sad she couldn't go on the lift. If the family raft ride was open she could have I am sad we missed that, another time though.

Then we got a little something to snack on- heat like that isn't a time where I can actully eat tons-
all Rory REALLY wanted was that giant blue sno-cone anyway


She is soo spoiled! !

Ben and Ri took Rory in search of BIG KID rides while I chatted out with Ileana and Bella (yes,Bella chats, she is a total talker )

They took much longer than expected- I didn't know she would be able to /want to ride big slide rides-
Ri came back and took me to check out the bigger rides before we left, while Ben and Ileana headed off to get ready to leave- I had to see how big Rory was- I couldn't believe she rode those BIG rides!!!
intertube and mat slides big long loopy ones that had me screaming she had rode! OMGOODNESS!! Thank Goodness we had put a lifejacket on her tiny butt. She did get scared on one ride when she went with the guys- but she rode it again when I went, and said it wasn't so scary! Jeez- that one scared me, I almost flipped over!


Rory wanted a lollypop when we left:


Ben got some pics for us as we left
Yes. we embarrass her regularly








She says "Queso! "



We got some quick showers and freshened up - then started trying to figure out a good dinner place.
Well. they tried to figure it out.
Ri spent most the time chatting with Tom.(Ben's stepdad who stays with him when he works in town)
and I got to feed Bella a bottle, Rory even helped-(Rory says she smiled for her when she gave her the bottle, and yes, she is very proud of herself )
then Bella fell asleep on me.....
What? Like seeing that peaceful pretty little face asleep on you wouldn't put you out too!

Well,After much deliberation (it is hard trying to find a kid friendly place , that is vegetarian for us and high protein for their diet)
We decided on Sweet Tomatoes- Who knew that would be such a hit with the kid?? Now she thinks that not only do Ben & Ileana have the best jobs in the world working for the Mouse- but that they are geniuses about great restaurants.She got her own tray and was big enough to put her own salad on it- she covered her tray in veggies and seeds ,and garbonzo beans.. her salad was HUGE and she put a big dent in it! She was rewarded with a huge bowl of ice cream.(the food was pretty awesome,I ate far more than I would have thought possible after a long hot day- and the convos were pretty great :) )

The whole day was an awesome amazing break from the stresses of the house and all the crap thats been going on around here. I can't thank them enough for taking us out.


The next day was May 4th
as in
May the fourth be with you

and I am a big dork... actually not a huge starwars fan but I love cheesiness.
--Also, I applied sunblock. Just didn't reapply enough.
I am burny. Ri and Rory got a little sunkissed too- but theirs is fading.. I am still coating myself in copious amounts of shea butter hoping not to blister.

I spent the day feeling a bit sicky. I think it is just horrendous allergies,hurting my throat and tummy again. urgh.
Rory bounded off the bedroom walls.Watching tv and being a buttheadican. I don't know when she turned into a moody disobedient teen that asks "Why?" when I tell her no to something but I don't enjoy it.
On the brightside ,the plus to being locked up in the bedroom when the house gets too hot at night seems to be an earlier bedtime , so hooray for that. Plus, Ri came home and made dinner then gave me space to watch Glee in my sicky state and cuddled up with the kiddo :) .

Rory spent the rainy Wednesday playing on the Wii- she found out Ben has a Wii , too- and she can't wait to play them... she is practicing her MarioKart skills now,watch out!

Ri came home with the blandest Thai food ever.
But he is off today, and brought some yummy stuff for a late Cinco De Mayo style breakfast-
In other words- I should get some rest..
but 1st I will share some of the epicness of the internets I have gathered in the past few days

Ignore Stephen Baldwin , Restore Joss Whedon-

My sibling should love it... well, at least my Bro in law.


and this

I spent forever trying to remember the name of this band.. someone mentioned them on a message board over a year ago- and that girl's look was the 1st person that ever made me even consider dreads(then my hair went to crap and the rest is history)... plus that is some awesome music. When I finally found the band name I realized they changed their name , hence being harder to find.
another new vid of Nico


I could probably go crazy linking to more awesome stuff from the depths of the webernets- but I'll stop

Anyways... I have some ideas for projects I should be working on.. I have a house to clean , tv to watch ,and I have sleep to catch up on
(and I plan on doing it all in the perfectly wrong order .so there.)

PEACE AND TOFU CHICkEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

(too much code in this blog- I have had a bunch or errors forgive me if it is all wonky)

Murphy's law , dreads, and babies.

Summarization might be the key to this blog..
though, I haven't been getting enough sleep and you know how that tends to cause me to ramble.
(or you didn't know that, and you don't normally read my blog- so welcome!!)
Also, I don't care what Firefox says summarization is totally a word.

We've..been
well, we're are keeping on.
A lot of the same crap I mentioned in my last post is keeping on. Murphy's Law has continued to attack us.. every little thing that can go wrong,will.
Light in the car is flashing ,towel rack breaking, bulbs breaking, hundred little things around the house just seeming to fall apart as we try to fix it up.

More with Needy extraordinarily talkative child.

More Allergies . Well, we aren't sure if it is allergies everyone keeps telling us that. I got this whole stuffed head obvious pollen allergy thing, but it was followed with this weird extreme stomach cramping.. I thought I was getting sick but then it faded . Then Ri did it. I guess it is logical that the freakishly high tree pollen allergens could also affect our stomachs- it just seems odd.

Rory schedule got all sorts of extra weird. Stupid naps.

I would be lying if I said it isn't all driving me sort of nuts.
That is added to the constant obsession with looking for rental property in st.auggy, as if I am going to find something cheap enough that we can keep this house and live there .ha.

........

but.. I guess all things considered a lot of other things have gone right.
Or maybe my expectations have lowered soo much I can appreciate the good that happens even more.


Ri did finally buy new vents and switch covers- and a new light for the kitchen(he also took Rory and let me rest when I was feeling extra sicky) , but we haven't put anything up..
He DID finally burn the rest of the fence panels as well .


Saturday morning- when the 4th lawnguy we tried to hire still hadn't came , and the neighbor asked Ri if he could mow the empty field between our yards, Ri asked him how much to do the whole yard- the guy said TEN bucks! and he did it super fast! So yay!


Diana & Denise (Ben's mom and Aunt) swung in to visit Saturday while they were watching Bella!!
Squeee baby hugs
I cannot believe how big she has got she is the cutest little Roly Poly - she was just trying to join the whole conversation too! She is just soo gorgeous!
We talked about getting Rory and Emily together to play again soon,
Ben wants us to head up to Orlando to hang out and visit Monday too :)

Ri has to get a day away from the house stuff.
I know it's all I let him do when he is home in projecting my panic over it, but I also want things magically finished. lol.




Thank goodness for weather conditions. Sunday There was a tornado watch Sunday. I wanted rain. I wanted a torrential down pour of COLD rain. The humidity of the house with the air conditioner being broken robbed me of the little bit of sleep I allow myself.
I hadn't slept in days with stupid insomniatic chatty crazy thing ( that made me have hour long conversations with preeetty much every member of my family I could find awake. Sorry Dad) - along with that whole nocturunal napping child thing.. the broken AC was too much. The tornado watch didn't bring rain at 1st but it did cool the earth down and I found zombie sleep in some form.
It also left behind some freakishly crazy strong winds that have kept the ac less house comfortable the last few days.


Sunday was also World Malaria day--
I figured I could do my part to spread the word, and Rory was all about some writing on her hand and taking a picture.








We got another chunky baby visitor on Monday when Mom stopped in with my babysis and Allura


Who is the happiest baby on the planet. She could not stop giggling at everything Rory did...and she had just had shots



She also wanted to eat Rory's face. I think Rory was a bit bothered by the hairpulling baby slobbering her face every chance she got- but Rory was a good sport about it. She remembers Nico doing the same thing

Yeah, I blurred my messy kitchen outta this picture.So?



They didn't stay long... Rory and I went back to the never ending cleaning, making a mess, cleaning routine we have going. I drank 28 cups of coffee.




I took a shower and put my hair in knots when I was all sleepless and overheated:
I had this Idea of how cool curled dreads would look...but I like the knots a lot too.

Yes. My shirt is awesome. It also says "Player"




The next day I took my knots down to this:
how freaking awesome is that?!

I'll tell you it is soo awesome it sparked a dread war with SamProof on DailyBooth.<--- you must click that it is hilarious! Annnnd was on Must Share Hair.

So that might become a regular hair thing I do , I love the knots. And I love the results.
It also dawned on me I am approaching one year with dreads!!
Here is my ticker

it hadn't even hit me it has been that long.. and it is funny how tons of people are asking me about them and complimenting them.now.
Quite a few people I know have asked about starting them...
I just hope they remember that 6 mo or so ago they went through a gnarly loopy phase and looked like this

but also a side note about that. Now that they aren't as loopy crazy and I don't NEED to fiddle with them, mess with them ,baby them as much- Now that I don't see freaky weird crazy new changes in each one when I wake up
.. I sort of miss it.
I have heard people say that before, that growing dreads is more fun than having them, and I have seen soo many people ( online) cut their dreads off as soon as they mature , just to start over! I never understood it until now.
But, I won't be cutting for a long time..
probably.


Mom stopped in this morning to pick up Rory. She was early for her nail appointment and thought Rory might like to go with her and have a girly day.
Rory had barely slept but jumped at the opportunity! ..and I stayed home- I finally conquered the livingroom invading Littlestpetshop village, took a LONG shower in which I got to use an actual razor , and then napped, and then have quiet.
They stayed out all day went to lunch and back to Mom's for dinner. Mom brought her home just before dark.

Rory stayed up maybe an hour after talking loudly with the doll mom got her( AND the matching brand new one Mom found in the parking lot where they got lunch-crazy!) , she talked and whined Ri's poor ears off ,before she passed out cold in the middle of the floor.

In fact, I should go to bed before she wakes up and realizes she is sleeping at night.

PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

"So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter."

~Gordon W. Allport


Between you , me, and freshly painted walls-I've lost it.
I am stressed to the point of no return.
I am trying to be positive,
I am trying to not huddle in a fetal position mass of caffeinated, nicotined , inomniatic stress driven depression..
I think it is working, because now it is all starting to seem funny.

For example
The fact that Rory has started taking naps,
no. not the sort naps that would fix her irregular sleep pattern.She naps at 9 or 10 pm. Or maybe am.. and then, as a result sleeps during normal daytime hours.
The sun is coming up now.
She is awake.
Now perhaps bedtime will come super early..
Hilarious ,right? In a sort of ironic way
(not "use of words for something other than their literal intention", literal irony way
... but.. ironic in that classic misuse of the word situational way, that basically means it is so improbably sucktastic.
Yup. I made that up.)



I have unreasonable levels of anxiety this week. Probably due to the whole not sleeping, stress thing...but it is ridiculously over the top fears of irrational proportion
Even I am starting to find myself funny.

I've heard self consciousness / anxiety is really just an extreme form of narcissism. Except I am so vain I think you are all judging me harshly.
If only I could assume you all loved me..
or the more rational thought, that you aren't thinking of me at all, and have no idea what I am even talking about. It is probably safe to assume my 10-20 odd readers have already skipped over this part and scrolled down for pictures.
Instead.
I'd bet you are thinking about how messed up I am on no sleep ,horrible parenting,
interents addiction,
and the lameness of being extraordinarily proud of beating all my husbands scores on the WiiFit,
How messed up my hair is.
How my stomach knots have been so powerful, and noisy I think I either ate a cat, or I am having kittens,
how crazy my neighbors think I am for talking to the dog as much as the kid,and how I need curtains,
how lofty my goals are,
how hopeless my thoughts are,
how forgetful,rude, and or thoughtless I am,
or how I have post apocalyptic, party club, zombie nightmares on the rare occasion that I do sleep (How did you know?)
or you are thinking how if I ever get famous it will be for my awkwardness on a spot of a lame realitydrama or clip of a news show- which becomes a internet meme mocking me. Especially mocking the breakout I have that looks like herpes under my nose... not that I'd blame anyone for mocking that..
In this state of delirium I am sure you people think such things of me.You are also probably the one prank calling me.

It's ok, at least it's funny.


Soo many things that have just put me on edge this week..
that I need to laugh about because I just don't have the tears in me for this.

Like trying to go to sleep in the morning in Rory's bed- so Ri's buddy can take apart the old weight machine and finally evict it from the bedroom..

Or like How we have now consulted FOUR different lawn guys who have been no shows and our yard looks like a freaking jungle through no fault of our own... and I have a stack of cash for the 1st one that makes it here and clear cuts the forest. It's like a slow motion race.

Or Forgetting to take the trash out this week after loading them DOWN last week... we even threw out the old chairs. Ri is in serious downsize mode.

Not realizing there was a family reunion this weekend I could have went to.

Or making last minute awesome dinner plans- that fell threw when no one could watch Rory.

Or trying to make use of an entire flat of strawberries...

Or how I am suddenly addicted to Sudoku despite being number dyslexic and tending to write 2s for 7s.

Or how Rory isn't registered for Kindy because we want to move 1st.

or Like spending the whole day mopping the floor.. really mopping the floor and reorganizing the kitchen, and turning around to see every.single. toy from Rory's room(which I also recently cleaned)spread out in the once also clean living room.It all feels untameable.

What use is vacuuming the carpet when it has paint stains?
The dishes always pile up,
they also break,
the cat always needs another bath- and everything I do is interrupted by the child and dog needing me to do something for them..

It is just all hopelessly Effing Hilarious to me at this point.


Almost as funny as being attacked by inanimate objects in a way that only I am capable of.
I didn't touch the pantry or med cabinet. The door has been loose since they touched up the ceiling and painted the walls, we had went grocery shopping and stocked it a few days before--

but this day(Saturday), I didn't touch it.
I did dishes. I scrubbed the counter under it. AS I put away the dishes I hung a can opener from the screw underneath, and I walked out of the kitchen
A freaking can opener.
That was the straw that sent the whole thing flying into me when I came back into the kitchen.




This is the after pic- after Ri did as best he could to nail it up -but it is shredding apart and we don't expect it to stay. another thing to replace.fix. or give up on.
I'm going to burn the building down.



My fav part of the past few days was spending a day with a child who made herself burp.
...anyone that knows me knows that : that make yourself burp thing, it gives me slight convulsions,water gut queasiness and works that one nerve that makes my neck vein poke out and my left eye twitch...

and then this child got hiccups.
and hiccup burps.
and complained of a stomach ache.
I assume it is the pain that is probably all self inflicted from making herself burp for 3 hours..
Then Rory actually puked, and I felt like a mean jerk for thinking it was just from the gas she put in her own belly . :(

So then.
When my phone rang right after I had called Ri -and was busy holding her chunky pizzacrusty puke covered clothing in one hand , starting a bath for her and trying to scrub the floor, I still answered it assuming it was Ri calling back...
but it wasn't.
and I have been getting a lot of breathing, wrong number, random 4am background noise calls.
... I am not sure if it was someone legitimately looking for "Buckwheat" ... but my "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!" reaction was probably NOT the best way of explaining to the poor guy that he had the wrong number.
Sorry.




Speaking of having kittens.. which was like 20 paragraphs ago.
I think Grace- the COMPLETELY wild cat that hangs in the yard- is having kittens.
Either that or Grace is a boy who is getting really fat.
please be a damn boy.
ugh. We are going to have to trap her to get her fixed I have no idea how that works.

Maybe that is why my belly is making cat noises.Sympathy pains.
I also have sympathy pains for Sweets... I won't go into that.
I will say washing a cat in a kiddie pool is NOT advisable. He hated that. Also, I think he can walk on water,
also,
the hose has good range because after all that effort I was determined to spray some of the poo off of the poor kitty's bottom so I sprayed him with it like a super soaker as he ran across the yard...
... at least he didn't scratch at the door for attention for the rest of the night.



Thank goodness I have Ri to always help me laugh . He has been in a super great mood for the most part.
I think I am going to have to start riding bikes around St.auggy at nights with him and his buddies, or surfing when he gets off work early just to lose weight like he is and be so damn upbeat.
but I can't

So I laugh. I laugh so hard I cry.

In fact. Tiffers posted pics of my laugh from when she was down recently that I should share because they are so fitting in this
- it was before my epic break out too,
soo I will post them even though I am clearly sunburnt, drunk and losing at poker




and some quotes I considered for the title

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. ~Kurt Vonnegut

"Let's face it, comedy's a dead art form. Tragedy, now that's funny."
Bender


A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. ~Irish Proverb


Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks. ~Henri Bergson



Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense. ~Author Unknown

Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. ~Max Eastman

And a song




Well this is all sorts of rambly and silly.
I am going to get a nap in and hope Ri is home soon.
PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE
BABYHELLFIRE

Conflicted? Turn to blog?!

I am not feeling very bloggy.
I should be. There are things going on I could vent,panic , and whine and blog about here. I am torn between the feeling of wanting to crawl up and hide- and wanting to be ridiculously productive.
ah. conflict.

I blame Aunt Flo... but it really isn't just hormones.

We are still trucking along on the work to the house.. not fast enough though . That entire subject is stressful and troubling.


Please.buy my house.
rent my house.
Pack my things and move Rory a school district over.
k? thanks.


Ri quit his job at cowboys.
Things are going great at Nalu's-
He is freakishly calm, and happier than ever about the whole thing. The other job had become so negative for him I guess he was just glad to let it go-
Plus, now he just goes surfing or riding bikes around st.auggy with his buddies when he would have been working there - or enjoying his shifts at the tacostand even more, so he is in a way better place mentally.

Wish I could say the same... I have started doing yoga everyday on the wiifit. At least it appears to be helping my physical balance.


Mom & Libby came and dragged us out on Wednesday .. we went to Mom's for eggplant parm and potato soup..
and strawberry shortcake.
and more junkfood .YAY!

We also explored the shed a bit more. We found a stash of old toys including the ORIGINAL '92 Littlest Pet Shop -- or at least the case part. I was amazed that, that much exists in there. Rory was sort of sad we didn't find any of the classic pets. but she found some cool treasure from our youth- and spent some time playing golf with JJ.

Rory was fussy though. Sleepy head kept throwing fussy tantrums.
Nico was sort of fussy too- poor baby has allergies- I know the feeling


At least when they are this age their tantrums are still funny and cute- and short lived.













He talks soo much now it is soo cute!!






Rory takes awesome pics :) I love his curls!







I caught this pic of the face Lissy gives Dad



She might hate me for that- but it is too perfect.

We even brought Noobs over to spend the day at Mom&Dad's . Tried to get her to ride in the back of Mom's car- but she wouldn't she climbed over to her spot in between the front seats(she must copilot) , ignoring the fact that her butt was on top of poor Lissy.

She spent most of the time begging for food from the meat eater people, and laying on their air vents.
Stinker. Didn't even give up her spot when dad put his shirt on her.. In fact I think she used it to hold in more of the cool air.








Nico wanted my camera- how can you say no to this:














I think they are conspiring against Lissy and I to learn the perfect tantrum techniques from one another.




Ri picked us up and Rory fell asleep as soon as her butt hit her carseat.
me too.
We both woke up in the middle of the night though, never fear.

Ri spent today cleaning out the rest of the garage. It looks awesome in there.
I finally caught up on laundry in my panic mode... we will see how long that lasts.
There is still much much to do and a HUGE mess. I just want to throw everything away and start over.
fuck it all.
Actually I don't even want to do that. I can't bare the thought at all-
(you see the problem now don't you) .

I just want to hide from it all and hope it disappears on its own.
Do you think people regularly burglarize homes and steal just the things other people don't need anymore?? I wonder if I could hire such a person

hmm

I'm losing it . I blame Poor sleep habits, stress and hormones - but all those are a pretty regular thing.
sorry.


Everything local is all abuzz again about the little girl that went missing(and is now believed dead) a year ago.
Lots of rumors, lots of drama, lots of thoughts I can barely stomach
and lots of people on FB spreading misinformation they heard from someone ,who heard from someone who may have heard it from friends or family members. bleh.
small town.

I don't know what to say beyond how much my heart hurts for the people who lost her from their life.



I did FINALLY finish the latest project on my Of Fairy Tales and Far Aways blog- PLEASE click the link go there- comment, subscribe, share , give love PLEASE PLEASE
... and yes. I did really just write this post in hopes of pimping that new blog post.
That and procrastination.
Well , it's not like I sleep or anything.


PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE