HEY! Friday vlog post- there you are... it's only Saturday night. Cut me a break. I have been sort of hiding out from the internet.. I would like to claim I have been hermit-ed away socially all together as well, but that's a lie. Real life has had me ,SO, so socially done in the past week.
Rory told her teacher Ri lost his job- teacher told the woman who runs a program in the school for community outreach. Telling me they could get Rory clothes and help us in anyway they can. Which was super sweet.. but did make me regret letting her wear my jacket and her oversize skirt to school that day,Dude she HAS clothes... I hardly ever have to buy her clothes because we have soo many relatives that love to do so. The woman from the school was very helpful,though, in looking for jobs with me, so I am still grateful that they have been there for us. I have called a few part time places with her help and Ri has had a few other places to put in apps.... ...Unfortunately, nothing but a higher than avg dose of social anxiety has come of our efforts.
Ri still doesn't have a job. there were a few places that said to try back in FEB so we are just waiting it out.. This years tax return is going to getting us through the month. We are down to nothing- but the timing is decent for that at least.
With the exception of Rory's birthday coming when we are soo broke. We scraped up enough to get her a few things. Cleaned up the house and decided we would just sort of have an open house birthday gathering - inviting anyone that wants to stop in tomorrow afternoon. Our relatives have all chipped in to get us food , and supplies. Thank goodness.
I joined Lissy for a a trip to the hospital to visit Amy -- which was all sorts of stressful and awkward.Amy did seem almost herself though. She IS out , and seemingly back to normal and home now.I guess that is good news?
Helped out in Rory's class again Tuesday and that went well. Rory is doing really awesomely in class- she got her report card and is doing great in everything. She is starting to read on her own - she gets really excited when she sees a sign or a label with a word she knows.
Mel stopped in with the kids a few times- and Lissy took me shopping to get a few things for Rory's party. Jess & Steve have hung out a few nights- we played scrabble while the boys rode bikes ( Mwhaha ,My winning streak continues!) .
Welll- I am sure there is more- but HOPEFULLY, I will get back to you soon with updates about Rory's Party and turning in to a BIG SIX YEAR OLD KID- If you want here are some links to her last few BDay posts : Rory is Five!
-the 2nd one is full of Baby pics and memories too <3
If you live nearby you are welcome to stop in - Gimme a call , wish the kid happy birthday- or just post it here. I can't thank you enough for the support and love. Rory's birthday will be small- but she knows she is loved and that people care, even though it has been a tough time for soo many of us.
A little late- and I didn't film much.AT ALL. It has been a rough week, I almost didn't do a vid at all but I wanted to stick with it.
Rory has some stuff nose thing going on and was home all day being WILD yesterday ,as well -but she is in good spirits. I still haven't planned or figured out much for her birthday- but I have had people offer support to just visit and be here for us, and help her have at least a good day that day.So much is up in the air about what we will be doing from one day to the next I am not sure I am ready to plan as far ahead as Sunday yet.I am sure it will be ok. We will do something small and we will know we are loved and hopefully she will understand, have fun with it and be ok with that.
Ri has done a few things here and there- and applied everywhere. Hopefully things will improve drastically soon.
Still not much news on Amy, but that she is staying in the psych ward.
Hopefully I will have more updates- and GOOD ones next time for now- thank you all SOOOOO SOOO MUCH for your support and love. It really means soo much to me. We are really blessed by the people in our lives.
I have had this post open for days .. but I don't know what to write,or how to write it all. Helpless seems like an understatement for how I feel lately.
I have been going over the things I wrote in my last post- that I feel got misunderstood. It won't help anything, and it doesn't matter .. but I have been mulling things over more.
Thing is, I AM a very emotional person-there is no denying that, I always have been. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve,and I write this blog from the same place. It is my outlet , for it all- the place I use rambles to express those feelings, seek out others who maybe, understand - but mostly just for me to process.. and that is what it always has been.
Unfortunately, emotions don't always translate well to words and leaving all of that exposed opens me up to a lot more possible hurt-...but it also helps me in many ways just to get it out. I don't mean for my posts to be venting, bitching, word vomit- And I DO NOT mean to hurt anyone else with them, I often leave out specifics, I leave out peoples names,places , details- and just leave behind the feelings I have. My bloggiest rambly blog posts are usually about me- and if you pay attention the main person I insult and judge is myself.
In my last post there was a specific indecent that hurt us, and maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it..but I did. It hurt us and it should be no surprise that it did , I didn't say what it was about- it wasn't important at the time.. it was more about the other feelings that it brought about.
It was a realization that Ri & I tend to give much of ourselves to other people. We may be bitter , sometimes ,people hating , judgmental, assholes about humanity in general - but when either of us get to know someone we tend to love them unquestioningly, unconditionally and generously of ourselves. Sometimes, only to find they can somehow think less of us than we ever could of them. I said "in the past year"..but upon further reflection I realize it is something I have mentioned many times here, a behavior I have probably repeated my whole life... and I know Ri has as well.
Maybe, it is a mistake to put people on such high pedestals.Maybe, it is a mistake to love soo easily and openheartedly. Maybe, it is a mistake to carry my heart on my sleeve and expose my emotions. ..but it is who I am,and who Ri is. It is one of the many reasons I love Ri so deeply. It HAS hurt me in the past, and at this rate probably will again- but I can't seem to convince myself it would be better to become bitter and stop trusting and loving other people. I still have a tremendous amount of love for people in my life(probably more than most are aware)- even if it isn't always reciprocated the way I expect.
--Anyway. Everything is pretty horrible right now. I guess, against perhaps better judgment - and since I have nothing more to lose, I will let slip the hurt Friday was from an issue at his work. They thought he was(AND HAD BEEN!) stealing from them, AND then lying when they asked ,and he said he didn't know where 5 missing Styrofoam togo boxes went. He told them pointblank he would NEVER steal from them,but he didn't know where 5 boxes could have went. It shook our world. Ri LOVED his job. He was HAPPY to get up and go to work. He considered the owners/employers close friends. They had given us so much ,helped us so much,and taken so much care of us in rough times. Things felt perfect- and our future plans all included this job and them , because of that we were able to feel comfortable enough to move out here(risking our car and our credit- to pay more in rent) to put Rory in the school we wanted her to go to, and move to a community we were HAPPY for her to grow up in.It was a dream come true! ..and they seriously thought,NO, BELIEVED he would put all of that at risk : friendship, community , basically our life - for what ? to nickle and dime them? The people we were hugely grateful to ,the job he had based his life around for two years? It was unfathomable- and we were hurt. ...they tried to work with Ri. it was uncomfortable at best- and he was very upset thinking they thought that of him.Then, they read my blogpost revealing my hurt and fired him for it.
At first I felt bed, but I chose my words on the matter very carefully- and it WASN'T just about them hurting us.. In the end really, I don't think it mattered. It already felt as though they were waiting for some excuse to fire him.It would never be ok again.
We had built everything we have here on that job.We have nothing else.
Right now , we don't know what we will do. We don't know how we can stay here ,and we don't know where we can go. Ri has spent every day since looking for work.-It is slow season here and slower than normal this year with the weather and we haven't found anywhere that is hiring.At best a few that were pissed off they were too overstaffed to hire him.
Everything is a reminder about what we gave up to come here-and what we are losing if we can't stay.Everything we had planned for our future here feels ripped from us.
Basically we are screwed and devastated. I have barely stopped crying in days.Ri has cried more than he probably wants me to confess here. I think the only reason we are making it through each day is that the range of emotions from angry, or distant, to depressed has not aligned in either of us at the same time. When one of us is angry and spewing curse words the other is suicidal. We've tried to stay somewhat composed with Rory- but it didn't work and she has seen us both cry. We had to sit her down and explain that Dad lost his job and that we weren't sure what was going to happen.
She has been all abuzz because her birthday is the 30th ..and while I keep reminded her that we will probably do something small like go play putt-putt just the three of us, she doesn't seem to get that we can't invite everyone over for cake and ice cream. She spent her long weekend making little cards and party hats- that I said she could give out, but reminded her once again we weren't really going to have a party. This morning she was in such a cheerful mood that I rode her to school calm and cool --but on the way back stopped and sat on the water in between and just really cried for a minute.(and came home and laid in bed for hours doing the same while she wasn't here to hear me ) I don't have the words to describe feeling not good enough for your own child. part of me just wants to sell everything we own and give up,on everything
I guess for the same reason I can't let being hurt make me bitter I can't let this beat us.We'll probably keep struggling until we find away - but it is hard to ignore the pain and fear talking.
Our friends have been really supportive, and I am unspeakably thankful for so many people just being around.. but there isn't much anyone can do. It is a hard time for most everyone.
I am sure there is much more I am leaving out- but I am just to drained to think of more.If you read all of this I really appreciate it.and I'm sorry. I haven't really filmed much- but hopefully I will and will at least have a minute for you Friday.If not I'm sorry in advance.
To top it off - my baby sis just got put in hospital for some sort of psychosis she has been speaking in some sort of word salad ,and acting out of sorts for days.
Please just send lots of prayers, or positive energy , luck, or something.
but a bonus vid of all my FB pictures for those of you who waited
We had a pretty good week until Friday.
We battled the freezing freeezing weather. I know, I know I have NO right complaining about that- Florida is the ONLY state in the US that Didn't get ANY snow. But, dammit it is Florida and we STILL had hard freeezes and it was nasty wet cold. So I'll complain if I wanna . Florida's wet cold is made of evil. Some snow would have been almost nice.
We managed to beat down/hide out from the cold pretty well though, even played Wii ..On the back porch
Jess & Steve had an old big tv in their room and brought it to us! I guess they got tire of playing games on our tiny tv screen. So we set it up on the back porch Monday afternoon for a bit - Somehow it didn't even rain on us (though it was raining everywhere else all over town)..AND I even bundled up and picked up the kid on the bike and beat the rain. We need a new entertainment center to hold that behemoth of a television Tuesday , I helped in the classroom- and the kids were MUCH better behaved than last time. Getting back into the swing of things after the winter break , I guess...Sucks thought because now they have it again and have a fourday weekend this week.-sigh-.
Lissy called me.. From the road. She had mumbled something about wanting to travel to DC and take the baby to see his Dad. She got Steph to tag a long and just up and left! I admire her ability to just take off with a kid. Of course, she JUST made it out of GA in time for them to shut it down because of the snow. She should be on her way back now and hopefully she makes it through safe and sound. Here is a pic of them in DC- Very cold looking, I wonder how Nico is doing in the snow... The positive about her being stuck up there is that they got to attend an ICANHASCHEEZEBURGER gathering AND got me a signed book! Squee!
While you are sending that relative some safe travel vibes - send Dad some good health vibes, He got some bad news from his doc recently(still needs some more testing).So lots of good thoughts needed . __----- After note- Lissy just called she is home safe. :)
Wednesday was a pretty alright day- I bundled up and had to ride the bike in the FREEEZING cold- We waited at the playground for Ri to get off work and take us home, instead of riding Rory back in the cold.
...Thursday was even colder though- So, I begged Steve & Jess to ride me out to pick her up. Thank goodness they did just the walk from the car to the school was wet/wind frozen.
I gotta say having Steve & Jess as local friends has helped us out in uncountable ways. They've been there when we have needed a hand or an ear. Jess makes a damn good scrabble opponent and even through we never knew each other growing up, we grew up with so many of the same people we have had countless nostalgic convos.
I should have known Friday would start crappy when I woke up SCREAMING with a charlie horse. In the interest of not divulging too much personal matter here- I will say the day continued to be painful from there out. The past year we were blessed in SO many ways , by so many people -but, it almost seems a reoccurring theme that we give out so much of our love,trust and faith in other people ,just to feel like some of those people don't even notice and still manage to think the worst of us. As though, despite all of effort to be good to others ,and just be good people -we can still be judged as a monster. It reminds me of what Rory's teacher tells the kids to say to someone that insults them "It hurts my heart when you do that" . It does indeed, hurt my heart.And Ri's heart.. I've never seen him so down.Plus, it makes me VERY angry for Ri. I am obsessive enough to always assume people think the worst of me.. it is new for anyone to think anything ill of Ri. He is a damn good person in so many ways that it is almost shocking someone would think otherwise.and it hurts so much more from people we love.
At least, Steve and Jess were able to jump over and just be here for us when we needed a shoulder.My friends and family have been here for us in so many ways over the years I at least know we ARE blessed with love and we will always have THAT in the end. I don't know how we would cope sometimes if not for the love we have in our lives. I guess I can never think everything is perfect though, seems there is always something that comes up to remind me that things are NEVER perfect- there are at best perfect fleeting moments- perfection in life is not attainable.
Well Anyways, I still have the stink of Friday's depression on me- I am going to go shower it off and hope that Sunday is better.
Oh! Hi. insert generic myspace style bathroom mirror picture..triple,cause I have a 3door med cabinet.. and , apparently, still live in the year 2003. Pretty much nobody uses myspace anymore.
Looks like it is time for me to blog some stuff.. mostly , since I have other stuffs I should be doing that I don't feel like doing. We've been.. well.. we've been both busy and yet not,just trying to get back into our groove.
Let's go back in to time before forward.. Last Wednesday I was rushing to the middle of nowheresville with Lissy-one of our aunts from up north had come down so we met Mom there to say "hi!" quickly. GrammaGrape gave the kids a few little things. Lissy and I raided the dollar store of half priced candy and then we hung out at Mom's for a bit before I got a ride home. That was in my last vloggy post a little.. but that is pretty much the summation. If I had got around to writing this sooner there would probably be more cute stories. Well, maybe I'll get back to you on that if one comes to me.
In my last vlog there was also some footage of us going out on Ri's day off( or maybe it was before/after work? ) . We rode our bikes all the way to the beach. Rory did such a great job on the long ride. It was a little cold but a really great little ride. We tested out the firepit one of those nights and had s'mores with friends- Rory only ate a couple and didn't like chocolate on hers. Jess showed us the proper way to not burn a marshmallow, and Noobs begged her fuzzy butt off.
We also celebrated the New Year :) . Rory tried but wasn't able to stay up for midnight- we did drag her out of bed to show her the neighbors fireworks ( the burn ban didn't seem to stop the neighborhood from lighting the sky up). We shared a bottle of champagne with Jess , Steve and Jay- it was gross. I had a sip and asked for a beer instead.
Lissy & Amy stopped in for a bit over the weekend bringing me my camera charger-Hey! I was only mildly panicked without it. It gave the kids another chance to play. Not too much worry on that front though,Rory spent pretty much the entirety of her winter break hanging out with the boy across the street,playing video games...those are educational , right?
On Sunday it was Seth's Birthday- He wanted to go to the Japanese Steak House in town , they picked us up to celebrate with them. I took some vids, but no pics.. Good thing for you Val does things like that- She just got an awesome new camera and caught some great moments (hopefully she won't mind me sharing: Brad, Seth and Rory That is the hat we got Seth for Xmas. Safe to say he loves it. :)
I was half worried about the Steak House , not knowing what they had veg, but they had tofu- and LOTS of fried rice with butter.Luckily, I am not vegan. Our chef He managed to do all his quick cooking , food tricks WHILE watching the football game
The kids were captivated
Rory didn't love the amount of eggs in her fried rice, but she had a really great time. (I thought the amt of eggs was perfect..but I am a glutton for punishment)
This pic is perfect. How on earth did Val manage to get a shot of Seth in between bites is beyond me - he argued with Val when she said he would be fine with the kids portion, but then he wolfed down the rice before the guy had barely started on the meats, AND had an extra helping of steamed rice. Rory on the other hand sweetly ordered the kids portion(she loves ordering for herself).. she also ordered chicken which was sort of new, but i think she just wanted to be like the boys.
onion volcano and train - always amusing
Ri ordered tuna and got it soo pink I thought Val would be sick-lol it was really good tuna though, I even tasted it. A sidenote though, dude used the butter from Cameron's(the Vimo driver-and all around awesome guy) shrimp to cook my tofu, I might have cringed more if i was allergic like my sis.Hey, at least he didn't use steak juice. eww. We all loved the food and ate more than we probably should've.
I love this pic. Classic Rory and Seth pic, it doesn't matter what Seth says he is Hilarious to her Brad seemed to somehow always be hiding behind Ri ,or ducking out of photos.I think Val should start following him around with the camera, he is far too camera shy.
-Ri had worked Sunday morn, and we still hadn't had time to get Seth a birthday present, we will have to find some hours in the day to get back to that :( . But we had a really great time. I am amazed Seth didn't walk out of there with a huge bloated belly, boy can eat. Rory wanted us to go to Val & Tom's with them- but she had school in the morning, so we had to go home ( the boys had one more day off before winter break ended in their school, I think they planned to go home and play video games all night, poor Val ) .
Now we must start getting back into our groove. Monday I did the whole school run, and it was COLD AND WET. ugh. I thought the cold had passed a bit. We raced there- Rory was SOOO eager to go back, she was racing out the door, I had to beg her to wait and not go too early. She had been soo super crazy those last days of break I was eager for her to go back too.
On the plus side, I noticed when I helped her class Tuesday- She isn't the only kid all crazy after winter break. The whole class is louder and rowdier than usual. She even gave them 5 minutes on the wall during playground time.Tuesday was busy for me, I oddly liked it though. Ran the kid to school in the wetcold, then ran the dog (she loves the wetcold) - hung out with Ri for a bit, Tuesday is HIS day off, then ran back to school to help the crazies, than home and back again.
My days are blending though. I haven't quite fallen into the groove enough to remember : which night I stayed up beating Jess at scrabble, or which night I bribed the kid to do her homework and went to bed early with my monthly illness, and which night I stayed up loosing horribly at wii games with Ri's buddies.. somewhere in there.
So far this week feels like a month. Day and night are like 2 days worth of junk.My brain is overloaded. Hopefully, I will catch up. Or maybe I will stop guzzling coffee and go to bed at a normal hour regularly- fat chance.
The RAIN finally came down Tuesday night.. So I made Ri get out of bed (grumpies and all) Wednesday morn and take the kid to school. It was clear enough Wednesday afternoon for me to think I could pick up the kid.. but it rained on us on the way to stop by and see Ri- So we ended up hanging out and having him drive her home. I'm torn, We NEED rain, badly..but my transportation method does not. plus, it is cold yucky rain.
At least today was nice, all be it a little cold. Rory even got to play a little at the playground with her best friend after school ( something I think they planned all along as we showed up at the playground at the same time. LOL).Right now, it is a little chilly- but it didn't stop Jay and Ri from taking a late night bike ride through town.
Despite her cranky whiny attitude at home , it seems Rory been doing really well in school this week. She has started writing her numbers backwards , but we have been working on it.She has been working on her -at and -an words , she is so close to reading on her own. She got 10 bluebehaviorbears and got to go in the treasure box, she picked out a pink jump rope (and , when she isn't practicing jumping on it - she has bragged to everyone in sight about it). She has been going to bed and sleeping well-waking up well . She DID have a bit of a melt down the other day, and fell asleep in her bed when we put her there for timeout-but i think she is falling back into a school schedule already.
My mood hasn't been much better, I feel as inconsistent as the weather bouncing between high anxiety, grumpiness, and giggles and positivity. Hopefully , as we get back into a routine , and 2011 my mood, AND the weather will find a comfort zone somewhere outside of extreme
Well, I could probably ramble all night.. but it is almost 3am and I have to be up at 7 to bike ride to school. Forgive my late night grammatical errors.
Lil Quick Shorty Vlog for the New Year. Hopefully, I will return to my rhythm (or maybe gain an even better actual rhythm ) as we get back into our weekly routine.and have more time ,ability and interest to post bloggy blogs.
For Now HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
And Since Neil Gaiman says things far better than I ever could
Soooo The Holiday Craziness is almost put away..and I still haven't posted. I think my body is trying to go into hibernation mode. All I want to do is eat and sleep. I may be a little tightly anxiously wound after the whole holiday thing too.
I do have a little vid of JUST the weekend for you :
There is soo much I want to share , and say.. and yet soo little I want to say at the same time. .. I am sure I will leave stuff out. Xmas Eve- Christmas Eve this year was different. It felt odd. Ri had to work, and we had no mode of transportation(the truck only has three functional seatbelts) to get us to our families to visit .. So Xmas Eve this year, was spent hanging out around the house. ..For me anyway. Rory hung out with the neighborboy all day. He has been hanging out a lot he is around 7. .. but, that day was different, he came over and asked if she could walk to another neighbor boys house with him to deliver a present. Now, I may be sort of overbearing, she IS almost 6..but neighborboy lives directly across the street, I can SEE his house when they play together. I did let her walk the present and come STRAIGHT back.. and they did.. but they came back to ask if they could stay and play a bit in other neighbors(whose house I cannot see from my window)..Turns out there IS another little girl on our block, and Rory is THRILLED to have found a playmate for something other than nurfwar. So I walked with them to meet these neighbors and the kid's dad who was super nice...after a little bit, I nervously let her stay and play basketball in their yard. Rory came home a little later loaded down with handme down toys(the girl is also 7)..Ri says he thinks other Dad was just as thrilled to find a kid he could use to unload old toys on LOL!. So, instead of begging to open a present early all night Rory played with toys the neighborgirl gave her.
We did have fun getting ready for bed - Rory spread out her reindeer food
and set out her milk and cookies, watched the Santa tracker, and we even found a copy of Twas the night before Christmas to read as I tucked her in. She was asleep in seconds. Ri and I stayed up a little while chatting with Jess &Steve Jess hand beaded and ornament for us, and we had made them some cookies. Santa DID come at some point: The pink gifts are the ones from Santa
Ri was a pain to get out of bed.. so Rory waited with her stocking She LOVED the funny shaped erasers .
When he got up she tore through her presents sooo quickly Santa even found jeans and long sleeve shirts that Rory loves! I don't know how he managed that one.
She got a few little pets. the LPS/blythe doll scooter toy she wanted, some mermaid my little ponies,and the playdough ice cream maker . She was really happy :) .
Noobie got the same thing she gets every year ...and then promptly hid it somewhere in the house!!(Where does she even hide something that big) I didn't find it until two days after Xmas-!! Ri says he made her take it outside after that lol.
Rory got me some swedish fish, and Ri got us a new toaster , and he got me a coffee bean grinder( I still haven't tried it out.. I am dying to !!)
Dad came and picked us up to go to Mom's house. We ate and waited around a bit for Amy to come- Then PRESENT TIME!!!!!!!! My cam was acting weird all day so i didn't get a ton of pics.. there is always so much going on it is hard for me to keep up and snap off bunches of pictures anyway.
The 1st present Rory opened was a Zooble toy for JJ. I was soo glad they got her those, because we hadn't.. and this little pop open toy thing was probably her fav gift. Allura LOVED her gift- and LOVED that is was from us:I only wish I would've got Nico the same toy phone thing.. I got Nico a microphone toy.. they both liked it ,but the phone was fought over a little. Oh! Shirts for XMAS.. I struggles with Lissy's shirt ,not sure if she would like Voltron...I originally picked up a Smurfs shirt...but put it back because it said "Spaced out" . yeah, Lissy bought ME the Smurfs shirt LOL!! ..and Mom ALSO got me a new toaster. haha!
Nico and Allura were all over the presents unable to focus on anything in the commotion- both paused to check out the legos- before fighting over the shopping carts a bit.
Rory mostly just played with the Zoobles oo thats another shirt Lissy got me- Felix the cat
Nico was very busy with a phone conference. ... I am going to get him a phone on his birthday, that is all there is to it. He even made Mom his secretary Lissy got all the guys nurf guns- so amidst the present opening , and wild children running amuck, there were nurf darts in every direction.
Allura LOVEs Ri. She was making him chase her all over the house , soo cute JJ took us home before it got too late. - Ri's mom and sis were trying to organize meeting up for dinner of after dinner(there were sposed to come xmas eve too- but that didn't work out- ) So we came home to exchange gifts with Ri's mom&and older Sis -I failed to get any pics :(
I think all of our gifts went over well, we got some really great neat things.. and I think people liked the gifts we got them. (oh! AND I found a use for that second taster, Ri's mom mentioned she needed one :) . Extra present.)
-here is a pic of some of Rory's fav that I keep picking off the floor. She also got tons of craft projects- she has been drawing painting beading and doing things all week They got me some cool knickknacky things for around the house.Jewelry box and a really cool seashell dreamcatcher thingy
and it matches this clock thingy Ri's Mom brought me (OH! -and Ri got a new coffee maker.. no, he doesn't really drink coffee..but since I have started drinking a lot -and mom had bought and extra one as a present on sale and was offering it he asked for it...He hates my 10 dollar wal*mart special with the broken spout, because it leaks on his counter.)
When Mel& Ri's mom came we noticed someone had left cookies and a fire pit in the backyard!! We totally needed a firepit! We couldn't figure out who it could be- We had a guess,on the way home from Mom's we dropped of cookies at Ri's Dad's and they weren't there.. We texted them but they wouldn't fess up, they came over the next morn and confessed and bought Rory a few little things :) .
We've tested out the firepit a few times, I have hung up and started cleaning( I won't start on the tree until newyears) - Ri has been working..were are headed back into the grind. I'm sure I am leaving things out..but like I said-hibernation mode.anxiety.I'm going to bed.
All in all we had a pretty great Christmas/Holiday/Whathaveyou.. Family ,Friends, laughter, gifts, traditions, food...and CANDY I hope your Christmas, Holiday , weekend--whatever was awesome. and I hope you have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Friday vloggy post- a little early. I'm on holiday week time. which is 2:22 something.. all the time.Something about 2s I heard it meant something awesome. Here's hoping. I figured I would probably end up doing a XMAS Eve /Xmas Vlog. So best not to try to squish those in this week. . Mostly a vid of Rory playing in the yard,Nico in his new used car- and some other randomness.
Yesterday, Val and Scott came over and had lunch with us and exchanged gifts- She bought us a whole batch of goodies from her shop- between this stuff, the cookies Ri made for gifts, our tree, and the indian food he is making for dinner out house smells like heaven. Well.. it is the night before Christmas Eve.. there are still many things up in the air, things to wrap and figure out.. So have an awesome night and holiday! SEEYA
Presents under the tree!! Before I start my letter, I want to share a bit about Rory's love for the tree.. she went to help Ri buy the tree. For some odd reason ,on the way she asked him "How much do we have for a tree" and he gave her a small estimate.. when they got there and were looking around an eager salesman came up asking what sort of tree they were looking for.When they replied "cheap" he said well these are the cheaper ones ,(still 10 over what Ri wanted to spend) and Rory said "Awww, NUTS!" and managed to talk the man down to the price range LOL!- he trimmed off some excess and sold the tree to her. So, for future reference Rory has awesome bartering skills. --back to your regularly scheduled (all be it late) post Dear Santa,
I know this letter is very late. and I doubt it will reach on time- I figured I do owe you since you actually came through (all be it late jerkface) on some of my demands..er,um. wishes from last year's letter . (side note: I feel amazingly blessed to look back at that letter and see the difference a year has made. While some stuff has been hard- some of the goals,wishes and dreams we really aimed at were achieved this year, thanks to many players in this weird ass game of life.)
I know people usually start by telling you how good they have been.. but seeing as it is 3 days to the big day it is obvious I have some confessing to do. I am really hopelessly behind, on the shopping , on the wrapping , on the planning.I still haven't got around to making a wreath of tree trimming like I planned.. hell, the tree hasn't even been up long! Things are tight around here, money, time ,positivity.. I will admit my mind has veered off into some pretty negative places. I have really been trying to be a least a decent person. A for effort right? I feel like I have put out a lot of effort to realize I am ok,to be thankful, to recognize my blessings..to just laugh. AND while I am at it realize my faults, my mistakes and my negatives- the trick is to remember to realize them, but not beat myself over the head with them. I have been trying harder to not judge other people - to not take it all to heart,while still loving..
All in all.. while I think I may have obsessed far more this year about every little thing,I have recognized the action for what it is,and tried to avoid focusing on THAT... still trying.
So, I don't know if I have been a perfect person to myself, but I have tried to be a decent human.
If that counts for anything, here is some of my very late wishlist:
I would like a new car.Why couldn't you have made me win that damn air freshener giveaway Conan had????huh? Santa? you messed up , that is why.
Regardless. I would still be riding my bike a lot - So how about an odd one, Is it possible for winter to be warmer than fall was? Because bundling up to go down town in Florida, in the fall is a joke. Last year it actually snowed some- not on like Xmas or anything..but it did once. So you have shown you have a track record for granting my weather wishes... do it!! ..and maybe I'll stop pretending I want a pony, deal?
I had to layer up in my snow gear to watch the moon last night....
well.. it may not have been THAT cold.but it was cold. and wet. & a vid from someone far more talented than me:
had to, it isn't often the moon does tricks. I felt very alone watching the world get dark.. granted I was alone(I couldn't get lazy cold Ri out of bed for more than a second.) I thought about making a wish.. instead i felt cold, dark and alone- struggled to take pictures and went inside.-BUT, it clearly marked for me the 1st day of winter.. and time to get ready for traditional holiday festivities.
I'm not though. With Ri working Christmas Eve, and no car fit to take us out on our own- all I know for sure, is that my plans shall be last minute.I also have a pang of feeling like no matter what I do it will be wrong by someone, and inadvertently hurt someone no matter what I do .. and that hurts. Is it possible ,Santa , to wish to make everyone happy? I guess it really isn't
-that said. I do NOT wish for a plan. I know I have always been a pretty compulsive planner.. but I have also always been horrible with planning. If I have a plan , it just means things will not go as planned and I will fall apart.If I don't- things may still fall apart, but I can still coast on as I was already. Lowered expectations make me feel like a happier person at the end of the day. So, I shall wish for smoother sailing over the bumpy roads that are the days ahead.I will wish for it to all come together in the end, and if it doesn't for fixable unravelings. Do you think that will fit on your sleigh?
What I want more than anything- more than pleasing ANYONE else, even myself- is the world for my creative , amazing almost 6yr old. She built a forest in the backyard, of sticks and weeds-she was very proud.. and also wore that outfit that makes her look like a preteen and breaks my heart a little bit. I may have to hide that sweater. She can have it back when she is 13.
She has a lot of wishes this year..and an ever growing list. We really didn't get her much. We did get her the one Littlest pet toy she really wants.. I can't even find some of the other toys she really wants- it is a lucky thing her birthday falls in Jan. I still will have a running list of things she didn't get from you. You could always bring the rest you know Santa. Seriously,That is like,your job RIGHT?! I just hope she is happy and grateful, and more than likely she will be no matter what .
Ri is doing well, a month ago I would have begged you to heal him somehow.. or for more money for him- or to cheer him up as he was pretty stressed..
but things are starting to improve without your help,tyvm. .. perhaps you should get Ri some better luck for Christmas. Do they bottle that? ..he will hate me for this picture He isn't wearing a hat. I love this pic though .. Sorry Ri.
I hope people love the things we got them.. We mostly shopped for the little ones Lissy may have already found Nico the most perfect gift AND got it used off of craigslist: How could I top a used car???
Well- so. Mostly, I want health,wealth, and happiness. There is little else I want for me..OR ,if you could bring me things that can help me get there on my own that would be even better.
Thanks Santa! We'll be the one house in our lil suburb without a ridiculous amount of Holiday decorations out.
One more piece of holiday cheer before I run around the house wishing there was more time, and wondering were it went: (NSFW)-cover the elves' eyes Santa
I'll be back soon with my Vlog.. hopefully, maybe. I gotta a lot to do this week.
