Wednesday, April 21, 2010

"So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter."

~Gordon W. Allport

Between you , me, and freshly painted walls-I've lost it.
I am stressed to the point of no return.
I am trying to be positive,
I am trying to not huddle in a fetal position mass of caffeinated, nicotined , inomniatic stress driven depression..
I think it is working, because now it is all starting to seem funny.

For example
The fact that Rory has started taking naps,
no. not the sort naps that would fix her irregular sleep pattern.She naps at 9 or 10 pm. Or maybe am.. and then, as a result sleeps during normal daytime hours.
The sun is coming up now.
She is awake.
Now perhaps bedtime will come super early..
Hilarious ,right? In a sort of ironic way
(not "use of words for something other than their literal intention", literal irony way
... but.. ironic in that classic misuse of the word situational way, that basically means it is so improbably sucktastic.
Yup. I made that up.)

I have unreasonable levels of anxiety this week. Probably due to the whole not sleeping, stress thing...but it is ridiculously over the top fears of irrational proportion
Even I am starting to find myself funny.

I've heard self consciousness / anxiety is really just an extreme form of narcissism. Except I am so vain I think you are all judging me harshly.
If only I could assume you all loved me..
or the more rational thought, that you aren't thinking of me at all, and have no idea what I am even talking about. It is probably safe to assume my 10-20 odd readers have already skipped over this part and scrolled down for pictures.
I'd bet you are thinking about how messed up I am on no sleep ,horrible parenting,
interents addiction,
and the lameness of being extraordinarily proud of beating all my husbands scores on the WiiFit,
How messed up my hair is.
How my stomach knots have been so powerful, and noisy I think I either ate a cat, or I am having kittens,
how crazy my neighbors think I am for talking to the dog as much as the kid,and how I need curtains,
how lofty my goals are,
how hopeless my thoughts are,
how forgetful,rude, and or thoughtless I am,
or how I have post apocalyptic, party club, zombie nightmares on the rare occasion that I do sleep (How did you know?)
or you are thinking how if I ever get famous it will be for my awkwardness on a spot of a lame realitydrama or clip of a news show- which becomes a internet meme mocking me. Especially mocking the breakout I have that looks like herpes under my nose... not that I'd blame anyone for mocking that..
In this state of delirium I am sure you people think such things of me.You are also probably the one prank calling me.

It's ok, at least it's funny.

Soo many things that have just put me on edge this week..
that I need to laugh about because I just don't have the tears in me for this.

Like trying to go to sleep in the morning in Rory's bed- so Ri's buddy can take apart the old weight machine and finally evict it from the bedroom..

Or like How we have now consulted FOUR different lawn guys who have been no shows and our yard looks like a freaking jungle through no fault of our own... and I have a stack of cash for the 1st one that makes it here and clear cuts the forest. It's like a slow motion race.

Or Forgetting to take the trash out this week after loading them DOWN last week... we even threw out the old chairs. Ri is in serious downsize mode.

Not realizing there was a family reunion this weekend I could have went to.

Or making last minute awesome dinner plans- that fell threw when no one could watch Rory.

Or trying to make use of an entire flat of strawberries...

Or how I am suddenly addicted to Sudoku despite being number dyslexic and tending to write 2s for 7s.

Or how Rory isn't registered for Kindy because we want to move 1st.

or Like spending the whole day mopping the floor.. really mopping the floor and reorganizing the kitchen, and turning around to see every.single. toy from Rory's room(which I also recently cleaned)spread out in the once also clean living room.It all feels untameable.

What use is vacuuming the carpet when it has paint stains?
The dishes always pile up,
they also break,
the cat always needs another bath- and everything I do is interrupted by the child and dog needing me to do something for them..

It is just all hopelessly Effing Hilarious to me at this point.

Almost as funny as being attacked by inanimate objects in a way that only I am capable of.
I didn't touch the pantry or med cabinet. The door has been loose since they touched up the ceiling and painted the walls, we had went grocery shopping and stocked it a few days before--

but this day(Saturday), I didn't touch it.
I did dishes. I scrubbed the counter under it. AS I put away the dishes I hung a can opener from the screw underneath, and I walked out of the kitchen
A freaking can opener.
That was the straw that sent the whole thing flying into me when I came back into the kitchen.


This is the after pic- after Ri did as best he could to nail it up -but it is shredding apart and we don't expect it to stay. another thing to replace.fix. or give up on.
I'm going to burn the building down.

My fav part of the past few days was spending a day with a child who made herself burp.
...anyone that knows me knows that : that make yourself burp thing, it gives me slight convulsions,water gut queasiness and works that one nerve that makes my neck vein poke out and my left eye twitch...

and then this child got hiccups.
and hiccup burps.
and complained of a stomach ache.
I assume it is the pain that is probably all self inflicted from making herself burp for 3 hours..
Then Rory actually puked, and I felt like a mean jerk for thinking it was just from the gas she put in her own belly . :(

So then.
When my phone rang right after I had called Ri -and was busy holding her chunky pizzacrusty puke covered clothing in one hand , starting a bath for her and trying to scrub the floor, I still answered it assuming it was Ri calling back...
but it wasn't.
and I have been getting a lot of breathing, wrong number, random 4am background noise calls.
... I am not sure if it was someone legitimately looking for "Buckwheat" ... but my "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!" reaction was probably NOT the best way of explaining to the poor guy that he had the wrong number.

Speaking of having kittens.. which was like 20 paragraphs ago.
I think Grace- the COMPLETELY wild cat that hangs in the yard- is having kittens.
Either that or Grace is a boy who is getting really fat.
please be a damn boy.
ugh. We are going to have to trap her to get her fixed I have no idea how that works.

Maybe that is why my belly is making cat noises.Sympathy pains.
I also have sympathy pains for Sweets... I won't go into that.
I will say washing a cat in a kiddie pool is NOT advisable. He hated that. Also, I think he can walk on water,
the hose has good range because after all that effort I was determined to spray some of the poo off of the poor kitty's bottom so I sprayed him with it like a super soaker as he ran across the yard...
... at least he didn't scratch at the door for attention for the rest of the night.

Thank goodness I have Ri to always help me laugh . He has been in a super great mood for the most part.
I think I am going to have to start riding bikes around St.auggy at nights with him and his buddies, or surfing when he gets off work early just to lose weight like he is and be so damn upbeat.
but I can't

So I laugh. I laugh so hard I cry.

In fact. Tiffers posted pics of my laugh from when she was down recently that I should share because they are so fitting in this
- it was before my epic break out too,
soo I will post them even though I am clearly sunburnt, drunk and losing at poker

and some quotes I considered for the title

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. ~Kurt Vonnegut

"Let's face it, comedy's a dead art form. Tragedy, now that's funny."

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. ~Irish Proverb

Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks. ~Henri Bergson

Laughter is an orgasm triggered by the intercourse of sense and nonsense. ~Author Unknown

Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. ~Max Eastman

And a song

Well this is all sorts of rambly and silly.
I am going to get a nap in and hope Ri is home soon.


Joye said...

I completely feel you here!!! I have those days I just feel like everything that could go wrong, does, and all you want to do is cry, so laughter is the only option!!!

Just know this too shall pass, and all will once again be well!!!

JACLYN said...

I hear ya on cleaning up a room only to have it filled with toys not long afterwards. Same thing with the dishes/sink.

sandra said...

haha, aweeee. I love you. Love this post. I can so much groke it. Is that the way to spell groke? hmmm. Don't know. <3

Btw, don't worry about the kinder thing, i think you would be spectacular at homeschooling her.