Saturday, May 22, 2010

Ten steps to surviving a laptop apocalypse with your sanity.

In not quite chronological order:

Step one: start off a few days behind
on your blogging ,tv shows and other regular scheduled internet pleasures because you were busy screwing around on facebook and/or getting a high score on a wiigame-
(I can do thirty push ups on the fit now )
This comes in handy later.

or not.

Step two:
Already have malfunctioning everything else in your household ,so you can have that end all "everything hates me ,nothing works right for me" vibe going.

This includes the central air unit dying so you can be already in manic breakdown mode because you are locked in a bedroom with a tiny window unit-
TRAPPED,in the room,in the home,in the county you don't even want to be in in the 1st place... it is a wonderful me.

Step 3:( or two and half?...)
Make sure you child and pet are being completely needy ,whiny and stir crazy-
That way, you know that you are in EXTREME need of your one escape
..don't forget to make sure you don't have satellite or basic cable.

Step 4 : the break.
This happens when your laptop is already nice and overheat prone- your livingroom is 900000 degrees and your battery is so dead you have to leave the laptop plugged in at all times.
Now the fun part...upload pics for your new blogpost(about your nephew-inlaw-s 15th birthday) to a new account on the interenets you can barely remember the password for ... and get started on a new post,
Then leave the room - and come back to see the child's buttery corn cob rolling across your keyboard- check the whole laptop.. discover the corner of the screen looks slightly off may have already had that off color line in it , and you didn't notice until the close doesn't really matter.
- she also may have spilled water on it,( note the other side of bed is wet from an melting ice she just had to have with her snack)
Turn it off, take out battery.
turn it on later... watch the screen blink.
Then watch it go technicolor. highly entertaining.

Step 5: plan your escape.
This step is important.' less you have time to actually contemplate burning everything down because it all feels like crap.

Also, so you can abuse your relative's interents- and central air

-like so with the Etrade baby- also, yell at Lissy for me for cutting that baby's gorgeous curls off:
Remember to take loads of pictures you cannot upload to your blog and feel months more behind than you even were...

Also do this , so your bro can be your lifesaver giving you another window-unit ac so you can at least open your house back up and use wii while your net is down.
To reallllly escape you must lose it so completely that your poor hubby feels the need to use money you don't have to spoil you ,by taking you to a tiny beach front motel-
a night in beach front bliss, a wicked wicked sunburn(no amount of reapplying sunblock saved me when I spent the entire day out there .Rory however inherited Ri's skin and got a little brown but no burn at all, in fact she says she did not get sun her butt just got pale.)

- and a pathetic attempt at surfing..hey! I caught a wave...on my belly

Yep.More pics I don't have photoshop for
and I think got sand in my camera

Step 6- Facing the death...or debt
Attempt to use technicolor dream screen laptop
-plan to get a cord to use the tv as a screen..
instead, watch it fizzle and disappear from function completely.
Fear the loss of harddrive.
Reopen that credit card with dell... oh, You know ,the one you just paid off when you got rid of all your credit cards? ,yeah-that one.
Order a new desktop.
pssh. This home has killed toooo many laptops,now Ri says he won't get another.
Maybe one day when they are water and heat proof.

We are now doomed back into credit debt. We had paid everything off but with the home repairs to put the house back on the market, Ri opened one back up and then got the new computer.sigh.
When does it end???

Step 7-The time suck.

waiting. cleaning. not cleaning. going to bed early. depression.using limited connection on Ri's crappy borrowed phone for minimal facebook updates. Getting really far on Mario Galaxy, doing almost 2000 hulahoops in 6 minutes on the wiifit and winning the tilt table game on advanced mode.
Help paint the doors and floor trim white , further destroying the carpet
- while realizing hubby and child both suffer from the 'lowBP I haven't ate yet grumpies',

Stay up late one night trying to help Ben fix up his Wii-
Poor Ileana

....In your boredom assemble desk and cheapo tv stand hubby bought with his shiny new credit card.
Reorganize the house, and pour carpet freshner everywhere...including a surprise- (Rory spilled my iced coffee )-wet spot on the rug, which means, stain. arg!!!!!

Step 8: Do not forget your unluck!

Get the computer tower, and keyboard ~!! yay.
but the monitor doesn't come for another day!
Spend that day waiting for it thinking you'll have to sign for it, only to discover you didn't have to.

Appease your hubby by going out to eat at your own personal hell (a buffet in palatka) "does the asparagus have bacon ,too???"
Then walmart.. because we all love credit debt and walmart people ,right?

Somehow, talk Ri out of his NEED for a new keyboard because he thinks the keyboard that came with the computer was too small...
Only to discover when you return home, and start to setup ,
that that keyboard,
that brand spanking new one you just unwrapped from the plastic DOESN'T WORK!!!!
and you cannot use your brand new GD computer!!!!

....Once again have brother as lifesaver , when you call JJ to find out if he just maybe,maybe has a usb keyboard - he not only DOES have a spare one laying around, he brings it to you right then, in the middle of the night!( I LOVE my family!)

Step 9: recovery.

there is no recovery!
How many times must you press the ignore button on the apps page of your facebook??
How many things am I behind on on my google reader..

and TV?? lets not talk about the backlog of shows I have to watch. I am a badbadbad tv addict and i missed season fanalies! I am still catching up on them and trying to ignore people discussing!
- I mean NPH was on glee for goodness sake!

Also,We are still uncertain whether the harddrive is fried. it worked a few times but it hasn't there recovering all we had on that??

Step 10 : Is This. The return to blog.
We will see how that helps.
Ri is trying to install my photoshop for me and I have a bunch of pictures .I think I will go ahead and make another post for the rest of the pics I don't bog any readers ( I might have left ) down , with both a slide show and an explanation-

So in advance ,forgive me for the next pic heavy post.

I will leave you though, with those net ready pics from Jade's 15th birthday that were sposed to be in that post that died with my laptop and my sanity...

Oh wait, I totally said this was how to survive WITH sanity, didn't I?
Well shit, if you believed that you are way crazier than me!

clickable thumbnails ,I'm feeling resize lazy.

Rory and Haley (Ri's niece)

Yes... those are Rory's hands blocking the fingers of other kids out of the freaky black frosting


His birthday spanking-I don't entirely think it was fair to count all five of those hands as

Jade and his big came with loads of rules and responsibilities.Hopefully he follows them... we shall see

Hey.. that's sorta almost a pic of him with a shirt on.


Rory and Ri's mom

:) Well. I have tv shows to watch. Photos to start uploading - Oh but I will be back! I have more niece and nephew pictures, more beach pictures,even some pool pictures from today. I mostly wanted to explain my absence, or lack of any shred of sanity.

... Mwhahahahaha
I am so screwed



Joye said...

I was going through Babyhellfire withdraw!!! So glad you're back!!!

Loved the pics, loved the blog!!!

JACLYN said...

Glad you're back too!