Saturday, March 13, 2010

“I pray to be like the ocean, with soft currents, maybe waves at times. More and more, I want the consistency rather than the highs and the lows.”

-Drew Barrymore





Highs and Lows


It's like a swing set here.

" Ooo, the trees tops are beneath the view of my sneakers"
"aww, in the sand again."

I'm feeling better finally. I am still not THERE. I do think after 10 days of antibiotics I am finally back from the comatose world of severe sinus infection... stupid to think I need to recover energy. Part of me just wants to jump up off the chair and get everything done
..I said part of me. The other part is really really tired.
and hates doing dishes.

Confession:
We applied for assistance.
We make below what we need to receive such assistance. ..but we were denied. They said we make too much???? AND they LOWERED the tiny bit of medically needy insurance (a back up thingy) we'd get,as if we make more than last time we applied,
when we very clearly make less the website states we need.
It doesn't make sense. Sometimes being responsible - married , homeowners, 2jobs,great credit- works against us, and is painstakingly annoying. RI is going to call them because there is no way it is right. He only works one day a week at cowboys!



RI got a call from the bank that our car loan is through... offering us to refinance our home loan through them(um. eek) and roll the car into it. We'd outright own the car and our interest would be lower on our home loan if we switched it to their bank. .. because they like our awesome credit . It would be cool. We'd be on a lower house payment , with NO car payment we'd be able to get place in St.auggy like we need to before Rory starts school....
Sometimes things ARE too good to be true. Before we even had time to mull it over they said they wouldn't be able to do it with the car.no thanks
Weeeeee!
That high- low was more like a slide than a swing.

Took Rory to the dentist for her filling the Thursday.
Poor thing, she was nervous and fussy and had hardly slept. We got some ridiculously early appt because we knew we'd have to go all the way out to Gainesville- may as well make a day of it, right?
I thought an early appt would mean less people there. Nope. It was pretty crowded in the waiting room. It wasn't long before we were out of there. Rory did a great job, she always does :) . She loves her dentist and that's why we keep going allll the way out there- to pay(a lot -cough ) out of pocket. We stopped by the 1st walmart and let her pick out a Little Pet. With no hesitation she got a cute bunny toy, which she hasn't put down since. Her dentist give her laughing gas- which I think makes her a bit weepy afterward.. I also think that and not sleeping enough is the reason she puked when she woke up from a nap this afternoon.

No sleep .no sleep. Rory lets me get NO SLEEP.
I want to yell. I want to scream. It's 4 am and she has slept maybe 10 hours in the last three days and she is whiny ,talky and she has giant red rings around her eyes
, and yet bouncing off the GD walls singing "Tomorrow"
, even with the lights off,
and with not being allowed, pretty much, anything for at least the last 4 hours. WHY?
... In fact, You know fuck it. I'm going all mean mommy in here. She is going in her bed to sing "Tomorrow" until I wake her up,
Tomorrow.
Because at this rate I just cannot deal with her fidgety talkyness and no sleep.
It is getting to where I don't care if she is asleep. With me having been soo out of it with that infection, I got to the point of napping while she played a lot more. I will no longer stay up with her when she isn't asleep. And I will no longer wake up with her when she wakes up.
Do you think that means she is sleeping more? No.
I am certain she has Delayed sleep-phase syndrome-every time I "fix" it (, and I have tried everything you can imagine and sometimes she goes a month or so fine before) - she falls back into it.Even if that means days of not sleeping, and fussiness to get the the point of a four am bedtime.I do not know how she will make it though school.. And I am sort of worried about it.
My child's sleep is broken
..and mine is severely cracked. ( Who am I kidding?)

Well, anyway
While we were in Gainesville the other day we did ride around looking for WiiFit, since we didn't manage find one online.We went to every walmart and kmart in the big town,In the rain, and no one had it. It was to early for GameStop or any similar stores to be open- but just as we gave up and started to head home one popped open, and Ri ran in. He got something even better than a brand new overpriced fit with all the bells and whistles we already had..
Just the balance board- a return for just 60 bucks!! sweet!
We came home , and after I passed out cold for a bit- we played for awhile it is exhausting- but pretty cool. Now I just have to start beating all Ri's scores and such :) .
Harvey and Hether came over and played on it with us for a little bit. Miranda even took a break from playdoh and coloring with Rory to play.

The weather has been super rainy,but finally really warm. It came down pretty bad yesturday and Ri didn't have to work yesterday(Friday) . It was a pretty awesome day other than the whole Rory puking & overtired thing.
Ri finally got around to giving Noobs that MUCH needed bath
Rory spent the afternoon playing with Miranda .
Ri made the most awesome dinner -salad , lasagna , garlic bread and banana split for dessert.

He probably has to work today to make up for it though.

OH.
I didn't tell you- Our anniversary we dropped Rory off at Ri's mom's and went out to st.auggy to see Alice in Wonderland in 3d. Lissy and Bo went at the same time but we didn't meet up with them... we drove around for hours in a failed attempt to find a place to eat. It was freakishly packed in town, even for a Saturday... Ri wanted "a nice dinner" for our anniversary. He tried to say for ME, you know me gimmie a dr.pepper and some veg food from a drive thru and it sounds like a damn nice dinner... way nicer than waiting an hour to sit shoulder to shoulder with strangers for 20$ tofu platter.
-side note: St.Augustine needs a couple NICE ethnic restaurants. ..hell I'd settle for a hole in the wall indian or thai place- not big on fancy.. it was frustrating . Almost ruined our movie night.
Alice in wonderland lived up to the praise. what more can you say?? You already heard it was an awesome movie. yeah. so . what do you want??
Rory would love it. I sort of thought it would be more graphic and was afraid to bring her. We will have to get it on DVD for her.
She had an absolute blast at her Grammy's house tho. :)

The nice weather has been great.Rory and I even repotted the pretty plants Mommy got Ri&I for our anniversary, and took sometime to plant seeds. It was soo nice to finally feel like spring is coming . This winter has been brutal.

I still haven't been working on the things I have said I would get to. Like Photoshop projects - or organization projects and so on.
I am feeling very beat down by the whole recovering from exhastiuon thing. a few nights ago when Ri came home I just fell on his shoulder and weeped. I feel like a failure at this homemaker thing . I cannot keep up with the cleaning. I am NOT built for it. Dinner and cleaning and I am just beyond stressed I don't even know what to do.
I did take time the next day to clean Rory's room a little , but I just cannot keep up. Something has to be done in there. I think my nocturnachild is also a hoarder.Can we call that show just for the one room????


...and yeah. I DID find the mem card but I haven't taken any pictures.
(LOL. As if I would take pictures of this mess)
Turns out the battery charger was also lost.
I tore apart and reorginized almost the entire house.
A few hours ago,I found it in the glove box of the car Ri told me it shouldn't be in.
So no pics.
Very little cleverness and a lot of bitching.
Aren't you glad you read all that?

Well good morning!
I'm going to go to bed for maybe 5 hours before waking up the child and pretending I am normal .
I am starting to think the only highs in this post are caffeine highs

PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

10 comments:

Tina Michelle said...

You talk a lot about Rory not sleeping. Does she have some sort of diagnosis like insomnia or something? I would think she could sit quietly in her room and read when she wakes and it is still dark outside. Well, wishful thinking leads me to think that.

I need sleep, I do not know how you deal with so little sleep. I have my daughters crawl in bed with me with a movie on while I nap when I am not getting enough sleep.

babyhellfire said...

She tends to sleep , and sleep well usually- but it seems her internal body clock is set hours behind what it should be. In the basicist of ways she is a night owl where I am a lark... and it is hard. For a long time I excepted she seemed nocturnal. which may not have helped.me. but she does well that way and I end up with insomnia from not going to bed early enough for my circadian rythum.. kwim?
I wish she could sit quietly when she wakes. Lately she has gotten better about that- playing quietly when she wakes and letting me sleep.. but it used to be she would wake and need food and help and be loud and I am not a hard sleeper.

Libby said...

Hey man! You can't have good credit and own a house while getting benefits. If you don't know how to spend money wastefully then you must not need it :P
I don't think you'll win against Delayed sleep-phase syndrome. If J has been sleeping like that his whole life, Rory might too. But at least she's got something in common with Einstein.
And, I think part of Spring Fever is Spring Cleaning. My house is driving me crazy too. It's not just because it's messy. We've spent a lot more time indoors this winter than usual.

✩Molly✩ said...

ya, Scarlett is now on the "Go to bed at 11:30" and wake up at 10am sleep schedule... naps are irrelevant.

Sure she might not be exactly like everyone else, but she is happy and relatively healthy..

waking her mid sleep cycle might cause her to be tired enough to go to bed earlier... OR you could just try putting her to bed 1/2 hr earlier each night... whether she sleeps or not...

✩Molly✩ said...

ya, Scarlett is now on the "Go to bed at 11:30" and wake up at 10am sleep schedule... naps are irrelevant.

Sure she might not be exactly like everyone else, but she is happy and relatively healthy..

waking her mid sleep cycle might cause her to be tired enough to go to bed earlier... OR you could just try putting her to bed 1/2 hr earlier each night... whether she sleeps or not...

babyhellfire said...

Yeah. We've been doing the -in your bed whether you sleep or not- thing the past few nights, as well as waking her up at noon.-but she is still awake whiney and taking to herself in bed until well after 3am am~!

ArmchairDeity said...

Sounds like me... awake till 4 or 5, sleep till sometime between 10 and 2. Although for it it seems to be off-time from the 24-hour world... that is I'll start out going to bet at midnight, then 2 weeks later I'll not get tired till 4AM, then I'll skip sleeping a night altogether and go to bed at 9PM. Lather rinse and repeat.

I've lost jobs over it (mostly due to douchebag bosses who can't cope with an a-typical schedule), school was a nightmare, but I am very happy in my current job and am making damned fine ching, so there is hope. It's not easy, but it isn't a death sentence by any means.

But I think it's very wise of you to sleep, or at least doze, even if she's not sleeping. And the "in bed even if not asleep" policy is definitely a good thing, so long as she's got things to do while she's there... otherwise that just turns into torture and creates a whole new hell for everyone. I love to read in bed, or watch TV, or any number of other things... just please don't send her to bed knowing she won't sleep for hours but give her nothing else to do.

babyhellfire said...

Thanks for commenting!!!
I am glad to read you are functional with that..I do really worry about her passing out tired in school from not sleeping.


-- as for the last paragraph..
THAT has been the exact issue many time in the past Deity..
it becomes torture for the whole household for her to be cooped up in bed.
In the past , when I have tried it(and I am sure it is chronicled thoroughly in previous posts)- denying her food after a certain hour, or taking away every destraction to make things dark and FORCE her to lay down- as soo many people suggested-resulted in HOURS AND HOURS of crying- it was cruelty. She never went to sleep.
She just cried for HOURS. It was horrendous.

She has been doing alright with this lately. She still goes to bed FAR too late-but we've started making sure she knows it is quiet wind down time from at least 12 on- she is painfully obviously tired,but I am still waking her up earlier and earlier.
not letting her nap .
At least it seems to be helping. Maybe soon she will be tired enough to actually SLEEP before
3am.

NE-NC Mom said...

Rory is 5 right? So kindergarten in the fall? Is it too late to do some kind of preschool? Not because her brain needs it, but to see how she does with being awake during the time school goes on.

I bet spring forward didn't help her right now either.

babyhellfire said...

I could put her in summer preK- but I am very hesitant to put her in this failing school district or any of glorified daycares they claim is preK credit.

IF we manage to get a tiny place in St.Auggy BEFORE fall (which is a very big IF - but there is hope ,right????) maybe I could try a preK daycamp.. and I might.

But for right now it doesn't seem an option :(

And yeah- spring forward did not help it is hard to feel like the tiny increment earlier she is asleep is earlier . but I don't know maybe it did help just cause our schedule was already shifted amidst trying to adjust it