Apologizing - a very desperate habit - one that is rarely cured. Apology is only egotism wrong side out. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., The Professor at the Breakfast-Table
When ever I get down, I go into apologetic mode.
I don't entirely know what purpose apologizing, to everyone -for everything- serves;
or why I repeat it.
But I do..
and I'm sorry .
I'm sorry that I haven't gotten out from under this sickness.
Mom did drag me to the DR, where he told me he thinks I have a sinus infection,gave me nasal spray and 10 days of antibiotics. ...and I still feel like ass, the ridiculously high fevers I spent a week with finally left me , though.
That was the 1st, it's the 5th now.I still don't have energy. I am half hateful with myself over it. I sleep ALL DAY. I barely have enough energy to function-
Inside of me is one very angry insomniac.
It has made me very sensitive.
I started the insecure mode dance "I hate me, you must hate me. Aren't I annoying?, I bet no one likes me... all those people speaking passive aggressively about someone the won't mention , really mean me....I am so sorry"
At least, I think that is the root...I don't want to think it is much more negative than that.
I do think I have trouble understanding passive aggression. If any of those people are mad at me about something they only vaguely alluded to, Um.. I guess I am sorry?
If they aren't though- Well, I am still sorry.
- Truth be told, I often have habit of taking every statement as a possible jab at me. It is highly unlikely any of them were.. my ego is showing.
When I am better I take those possible people talking about me as attention regardless,
but when I am not I just start apologizing .
I am sorry that I spent the last few....um...sigh,
whatever time period it has been since my last post-being so out of it. Sleeping so much, not taking pictures. I barely even feel like I was around to tell you what has went on in this house lately.
Many games were gathered for the new Wii..
Rory and Ri spent a lot of time playing.
I napped. A lot. I'm sorry.
I neglected the chores. I am so sorry.
Ri did SO much . He spent his last few days off(and a extra time he got off , due to weather) cleaning. I am blessed, and even more sorry.
Sorry for all the days he was off work that I slept away,
only to wake him up when I would have to jump out of the bed in the middle of the night , because I was coughing and needed to sleep more upright.
The dog is mad about that too...
She doesn't like us not sleeping at the same time. If it was up to Noobie we would all sleep in the same bed from 10pm until dawn. She will even jingle her collar in the Rory's room ,until Rory wakes up and gets in bed with us.
I am sorry to the laundry pile, that I had almost defeated.. but has beaten me once again.
I am sorry to the dishes I keep starting - and to Ri that keeps ending up battling them.
I am sorry to the kid for napping while she plays... and for losing when I try to play a game with her.
She has been such a great kid. Mom bought her new clothes and a toy dr kit while I had my appointment, and she has been modeling her new clothes and playing so sweetly all week.
Especially today, it was a gorgeous day- FINALLY warm.. I have been craving the warm to come back.
I really would have loved a bike ride. She would LOVE a bike ride,Noobs NEEDS a walk.
I am sorry that Rory's new gymnastic tendencies have stressed me more than made me proud...
Who taught her headstands and flips?!?!?!!
Some things, I do think , children do as a reminder of what we put their own parents through...this maybe one of them. I think I spent my 6th yr old life doing cartwheels.
Sorry for that.
I am sorry I didn't work on my other blog.
I am sorry catch a single picture of GraceFully like I said I would
I am sorry I didn't give Sweets a bath on the warm day it was today ..
I am sorry I made my dog a diva - We've had her the longest , she knows what pictures are.
I am sorry for whatever is going on with my aloe plant..
and for my odd planter...
and for the not picking up the fallen sour oranges..
"She is right behind me ,isn't she?"
Noobs and Sweets have been getting along really well lately.
it is weird. Sweets and Grace even left a rat they caught in the spot Noobie naps in. eww.
I am sorry I haven't had the energy to clean up outside.. RI did a bit.
We need to mow the yard...
I don't actually want to, I love the hint of spring, the wildflowers blowing across the yard
Sorry you have to witness that habit Mr.Gnome
(note- the cig is not from us.- only the cigars)
I am sorry for so many things.. to so many people,
for everything and nothing.
it's dumb. I know that..
but I still am.
I am sorry that my whininess seems so petty and slight. So not important in the grand scheme of things..
I mean hell,
Who gets knocked out for weeks from a lil ole sinus infection?
Who gets so over sensitive over such little things and starts apologizing anyway??
Some brighter news.
Today was warmer,
the Olympics ended and tv is awesome once more,
Tomorrow will be the 6th year I have been married to Ri...
we might drop the kid off with her Gramma ,and spend money we don't have to go see Alice and Wonderland.
Right now, however,
I am grumpy and going to go sit by the gnome, and then maybe take a nap.
Hopefully,next blog I will be more with it, able to tell you more about what we've been up to
... I just feel so half here. UGH.
PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,