I love walking in the rain, 'cause then no-one knows I'm crying.

I should be cleaning ... So , I'll write a blog post.
Been doing a lot of that lately.

I should have cried - but I pushed it off , and watched comedy shows/smodcasts/podcasts and youtubes instead,
I should have recorded some clips of our week... instead I busied myself reading and exercising.
I should have posted a blog AWHILE ago... instead I spent my internet time googling myself and random things.

It has been a helluva week.

I did go out last weekend for the Catfish Festival with my mom. She called me up and suggested we all stay the night at her house and go ( since Ri had to work both jobs anyway and wouldn't be home.)
.. and it would give Rory something fun to do on spring break.
(she was going a little stir crazy for sure)..
Lissy, Amy and the babies all came too- so we had a big family slumber party. Eating and chatting,shopping.. we meant to play board games but never got the chance while chasing the kidlets.
We went to the festival for all of 15 minutes before deciding we were done and heading to a book store.. again.. Have I confessed we are Huge nerds?

-- here is a LONG vid (Instead of my norm week in a minute) of Mostly last weekend.. and I have nothing for this week.
I am cheating.
this counts double.

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Yeah, they were pretty wild.
Nico and Allura kept climbing Rory and fighting for her attention.. we would just hear her shout
"HEY! I'm not a jingle jam! "

On a slightly cool note- I was trying to talk Mom and my sisters into helping bleach some of my dreads.. but they didn't seem too keen on the idea.
I was also telling how I had used some loose hair I had to repair an odd part of another lock, and Mom mentioned she HAD a bag of blonde hair from when hers fell out- DUDE! I could totally crotchet that into dreads and add it like i did Ri's hair a year ago!
One late night While Ri was in the factory I started adding and got 7 blonds


So now , I am just a little blonde.. just a little though.


Another reason I have avoided blogging besides plain laziness,
is my lack of words.
I don't know how to say the words to make it better for people.There aren't words to make it ok. I get overwhelmed by my pathetic three person laundry pile... I can't help anyone else.

Monday afternoon I got some terrible news that a relative died. My cousin's beautiful three year old.I knew he had had medical problems, many many times here I had asked you to send prayers, thoughts, energy (or whatever you do) to him...Now I am asking for you to send that to his family.Please keep his parents and grandparents in your thoughts. It is just so so heart breaking, and incredibly unfair.

I spent most of the week trying not to even think about it -- to the point of waking up crying,my nightmares wouldn't let me escape the feelings. I can't even imagine their pain.. and to be honest I don't even want to try.I wish I could do anything to help.



... and See, I don't even know how to move forward from that to continue this post.

-deep breath-


There was a tornado warning Tuesday morning... it passed quickly though - Ri took the kid to school that morning, but being Tuesday I really wanted to help in the classroom.
It was much clearer by noon- so I put on a raincoat and raced there. I had fun and was really glad I went. They are doing soo much math right now, and some kids really struggle with it , some kids are just bored to death with it.
Rory's group seems to like it and still does math problems on the back of their other papers when they get done early. ..
I swear.
I don't know whose kid she is.


....oh
Yeah.definitely mine. nevermind.




Despite feeling a little more stable and comfortable, things have still been super stressful and tight. Ri is having a horrible time adjusting his schedule. The little time he gets off ,I have him running to the grocery store, or he is trying to fit in a surf session- but MOSTLY he is passed out COLD.. and hating it. and grumpy.
It sucks. I feel bad for him working both jobs and barely having any time. and he doesn't seem totally in love with the factory job-- but the benefits are great and it is a job that pays.

Despite the fact that I have plenty of time to sleep- I have been having trouble.. the whole week seems a zombie blur, and Rory hasn't done much better staying up too late- darn nightowl child-

Rory did WONDERFUL in school this week- and in her homework... but her attitude, whoa!
She is 6 bucks away from the toy she has been saving quarters and dimes for. Just 6 bucks!
... and she pulls out this monster voiced ,sleepy, grump attitude to DEMAND things/help/attention from me ,
instead of asking nicely,
or even- well, you know, talking to me like a normal person.

I am going to start taking her money..

And Then! then! to top it off she planned a party! This girl. this 6 yr old I gave birth to (unmediated mind you,)she invited her entire class over for the weekend for a unHalloween costume party! Without consulting me..
That is isn't true,Actually.. she did consult me, and I told her "NO!" multiple times
... but Friday afternoon her friends ask about coming to her party..
I'm like "What party?!!" and she threw an all out fit that I just canceled her party.
Um. I didn't cancel a party.THERE IS NO PARTY!
No kids were ever coming, because no parent ever got with me to discuss it! She is way way too young to try to plan a party without my knowledge.

My world.Is it upside down?
jeez. Someone tell my 6 year old to give me more time before she acts 16,please????

At least she got to play with neighborgirl all day Saturday, while Ri worked all day

.. though I was a bit sad I didn't go to support my cousins and her family . Oddly, in my adult memory I have never been to a funeral, I don't think I could handle it. While the whole practice seems very odd to me, I do understand being there to support each other.

I had planned to clean more, and in my moping state I did clean quite a bit , just not as much as i had hoped. Eventually I will need to take Rory's room apart and put it all back together again.
And she had better keep it clean or I am taking quarters!

Despite it all the last few weeks have had some really good moments. Some fun times with me and the kid- some laughs and good food. some love and some great conversations.
Things are improving, even if it is starting really stressful.I hate that when one of us is in "Wow look at all this improvement" mode, the other is stuck at "Wow.Stress-grr" ,but such is life. We'll get there.
Though ,I do think, the only reason I am up writing you at this hour is the fear of another weeks' grind ahead of me.
..Yeah, because staying up always makes Monday's easier?
.. no, I know, but I am just not ready for this next sunrise.it all goes so fast.

Wish us luck.
PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE