y5ilk (aka: what my nutty 3yr old titled this blog while I was making her breakfast)

Hello again :)
Goods and bads for today.,Seems thats the way every day. Last night after Ri came home I started my period..woohoo!!
, I guess..
For some reason they have been so horrible.At first it was just heavy and typically crampy sucky..Then,quite suddenly it was VERY painful,crying painful.Painful in my whole stomach and all the way down my legs.My diva cup wouldn't work.Ri and Rory had just taken a shower,but I decided to take a shower anyway.The water NEVER got hot- and it was a cold night...but I didn't want to get out- the cramps were unbearable ,and the thought of my cup or a pad making them worse ,ugh.I eventually got out ,used a pad instead ,took an ibuprofen and went to bed...well, laid their in pain wishing I was sleeping and Rory wasn't kicking us soo much. I woke up took a bath and more medicine,it was THAT bad :( . I am feeling much better now ,FINALLY. I hope these periods get better I don't know why it seems like they keep getting worse and worse.Damn,I had a kid, natural contractions and all but the thought of my cramps getting worse has me really frightened.

I am really glad Ri was around to help out the kid and let me rest.He even made us breakfast :)
I pretty much slept on the couch all afternoon.Still feeling gross.
Ri woke me up before it got too late so that we could go to the "P-A-R-K" before it got dark. We took Noobie and Rory and had a pretty good time.




A little chilly,breezy(a lot chilly if you factor in it being FL "spring") .We stayed for awhile.I was kinda rushing to go home.The cold was hurting my ears,and I still didn't feel great.





Look at my big kid kicking her feet to swing!

On the tiger:










And the "peck-peck bird"




--and naked baby on the peck-peck bird,I couldn't tell you why>Or why baby came naked-






Ball with Daddy:



















Swiper No Swiping!!!






Noobie "sliding"-this will be a fun pic to funk with in PS:






LOL- I dunno.





Ri called his mom and asked if she wanted to make us dinner. Rory wanted to see her. --oh,cute thing.On the way there,we were listening to the beatles ,Rory likes some songs -a lot ..the "while my guitar gently weeps" song ,she REALLY loved-She said it was for boys and girls,about puppies and people".-








Sari wanted to see Rory ,too -so they came over. Ri's mom -she doesn't have an oven right now-but made us some really yummy food- Fried okra,the whole okra fried,mm ,and some really good pasta. Sari brought us garlic bread cause she has on oven.

Rory had a great time- and actually ate a fair amount of dinner. I think she is finally out growing her finicky tot stage,She tastes whole mixed up prepared foods now.Tasting food is more than I would have expected from her before!



Sari says I am the 1st person who actually said hi and not "wow"(or similar) at her size..I actually thought she looked pretty avg for how far along she is. She prolly won't gain much more weight at this point-it'll just shift and stuff.She is DEF preggy though.-yeah,she is prolly gonna hate that pic I PSed ,but I don't care .lol. She'll thank me for it after she has the kid.
I actually like this other one of her better:





I just wanted to fix that one more(it was a bigger challenge,had more to fix and I wanted the ability to not feel guilty trashing it if I totally screwed it up) ...but I'll probably play with that one later ,too.

Rory hugged Sari's belly then ran over to me and hugged me I said " Yay,I get one too"
and she sort of shyly whispered to me"but you don't have a belly"
we laughed...no I don't have a baby belly.Rory really seems to understand that there is a baby in Sari's belly hugging that and not sari that time lol.I guess she was hugi"A girl baby with a pink bow" she says.LOL Sari Says they still aren't certain of the babies name..but in passing talks of the baby a have the name Willow,she said "we'll see" GRrrrrr.

I think Rory associates "brown grammy" with painting.As,Rory has been feeling soo creative lately she has missed her more,cause she always paints at Grammys house!She painted a seahorse her grammy had made with clay this time.She did really good work on it actually.She has been all over art work lately,so it was really good she got to go and do that with her,something they can bond over.

--We DO need to work on what she calls her Grammy's cause it gets VERY confusing she calls them both grammy 90% of the time.Right now, I think they are color coded as brown grammy(who has darker hair,and a brown house) and pink grammy (who has a black/blue house and wears pink)-it's ever changing though.I was trying to her to drop the "my" part for one or the other of them-but that hasn't worked. :( .I' sure she'll figure something out.I would like HER to figure it out though.

So, Rory crashed in the car on the way home she stayed asleep for awhile and I was pretty convinced we were all gonna go to bed and be out for the night...


NOPE.She woke up at 2 am.
The sun is rising now and she is hoping all over the house. UGH.I am gonna start cooking and cleaning.

We are out of all the basics- bread,milk, and a bit broke-but we have a freezer full of veg and cabinets full of cooking ingredients.Looks like I have a fun day of cooking ahead.

20 questions

Some pics I editted in PS :)


20 open questions to myself,mostly
,you can feel free to ignore them or answer :) -


1.How come I go through days when I am all too concerned with my body and do nothing but exercise all day,and days when I could care less,and sit around all day drinking soda??
(Don't I realize the two counter act each other- yes,which makes my guilt soo much harder. )

2.When did I start worring about that so much?

3 Why is SO freaking cold in the middle of spring?
(Long sleeves in Florida in April,really??)

4Why does Rory go to sleep at midnight one night,and 9 pm another?
5and will she sleep through the night tonight if she went to bed at 9?

6.Will we get foodstamps/medicade?
We applied,looks hopeful ...that would be awesome.

7.Will I ever master this photoshop thing??Or just be addicted to funking with pics even though i don't know what I am doing?

8.Will my mommy be ok? ... I know she WILL,,but not soon enough.

9.What should we do tomorrow?- Ri's only day off this week.

10.Why do we always forget to take the trash to the curb on monday?grrrr

11.Why is Rory suddenly feeling so creative this week?
She begged to paint then, She made me a beautiful painting with pinwheels and butterflies today. She also did some amazing work on her aquadoodle,I was a little sad to see it fade

12.Why do I feel so suddenly withdrawn from my online communities?
(and even more withdrawn from people I used to be real life friends with)

13.Why am I still awake?

14.Why has the dog been so up my ass?Why does she follow me around nose whistling?

15.Why have I not called that guy about that school?

16.Why do I put myself on so many guilt trip roller coasters lately?
I feels as though I spend my down time taking digs at myself for being ignorant,immature,unfit unclever,untalented ,uneducated,and unfunny...and rarely do these guilt trips respond in action.

17. When did I get so addicted to google?

18.Can someone get me a BIG rug to hide my carpet under?--and some white slip covers I can tie-dye

19.How can I make everything perfect? Are there people you can hire for that?

20....
WHY DID SHE WAKE UP.
Ri is home,Rory is awake. pout

an update

I know,I know, I JUST blogged yesterday..
Some quick stuff though. I will work on keeping it shorter.

I was compleatly disgustingly tired yesterday.Ri's mom wanted to meet up with us-but after days of sleeplessness the house was TRASHED,and Rory wasn't even awake when she called ..and I was afraid when she did wake she would be grumpy.I had tried to keep her up,but only managed to make her angry.I know,Rory hasn't seen Sari,or her in AWHILE..but I didn't want ANYONE to see my trashed house ,or Rory to be grumpy.Rory misses grammy too- brown grammy she calls her.Hopefully we will get to see them soon.
--- Well, The good news last night Rory fell asleep at 11pm and stayed asleep ALL NIGHT!! Woke up today when Ri was leaving for work(at 2 pm) YAY!! So happy!I hope it stays that way! Cross your fingers for me. She woke up and described her dream of a "white cat,i just pet him,he so cute,but he didn't bite he was good".

I did manage to clean the kitchen and vacuum..It was BAD!I had been so exhausted the house work was slipping.I even had to vac out the couch cause there were sunflower seeds in it.? I feel much better with the house clean... I was so tired though, by 9pm I was falling asleep standing up. I made dinner and kept feeling my eyes close and head fall forward.

I called mom, she isn't doing so great. She says her hair is falling out so much now she doesn't know how she will hold a wig on.She said she is embarrassed and didn't even want to go to work. She knew it would happen ..but not this bad,and this suddenly ,I guess. :( Everyone keeps trying to tell her"it's just hair,and no one cares".. but I know she does,and I guess it is more frightening because it makes the whole situation seem more real.
Libby wrote me today and said as much as well..she asked if it would be selfish to want run away back to the mental institution, because she can't handle it-she saw plastic baggies with moms hair.
Yes,yes it would be selfish.It's ok to feel that way,you can't help your feelings... but mom is going through a lot more,you can't just run away from her now. I don't know, I am not home with mom ,and part of me feels guilty for not being there more often,but even when I am there I feel like mom is not really letting anyone in on it, you know.She doesn't complain about it much..it's a weird subject, I guess. She does talk about how she feels,but she just won't really go in depth about it.I don't know that there is anything anyone could say or do for her,she is doing really well..but I do know she doesn't need more stress-and for that reason alone,gotta be strong about it.



Well, - it's a nice day, kind of breezy today.We went outside and picked mandarin oranges and blackberries.Rory is stuffing her face with them right now,and making a big mess in here :(
I am gonna add some pics I played with and be outta here.

Sleepless April showers and flowers

Been awhile,
hope no one was worried!!
(hardy har har).

As usual, we haven't been up to much,at all.Our schedule is sooo short we rarely ever have time for anything.
I have been trying to get Rory to bed at a reasonable hour(any where from 8pm to 3 am is reasonable at this point)..feels like the harder I have tried, the worse it gets. Rory's natural body clock seems to be set MUCH different than mine. I have serious trouble trying to get to sleep when the sun is rising...which seems to be exactly when Rory prefers to go to bed.It has been really stressful. I have tried every trick ,in every book, relating to sleep.The best I can hope for is that she takes a long evening nap... 'cause she is always awake from 3am to 5am at this point,no matter what trick I do.The house is beyond trashed(to me) -the schedule puts me in such a fog I feel like I am dragging all day.
On the bright side I have begun taking advantage of it,and enjoying the beautiful spring mornings. All the morning yoga and cardio shows are on, I took Rory and Noobie one morn(like apr 3rd?) to walk the neighborhood-thinking it might also keep her awake-(fail).














Ri got us a new HUGE weight machine- free! from a friend of his, he had to go to St. Auggy to pick it up,and JJ ended up having to help(Gill was 'sposed to,but thats another story-not worth your time)...but still ,it's $900 machine free. We finally got it half assembled it is missing a few screws Ri is gonna have to buy to put it together..
but the leg press,an arm lift thingy(you know you love my naive terms here) and the ab part is assembled, taking up 90% of our bedroom. I knew we wouldn't ever use it if it was in the garage.I have used it here and there.


Mom and Dad want me to go back to school, and are talking about helping me with that. Dad found out about an interesting home school program- they are right I really should.
Mom talks as though its my destiny.premonition of hers. We went over to visit (apr 5th) to talk about that and Rory wanted to snack at Grammys, -Grammy has Chips, Ice cream and , AAAND* cookies , lol.-
(* Thats Rory's new thing the very dramatic AAANND! )
I had hoped hanging out there would keep her awake until night time...








It didn't keep her awake









Rory had fun doctoring Libby up -Amy's lip isn't really pierced. I told her if she ever does get a hoop on her lip she should get a vertical that goes through the lip- and won't bother her teeth.

I am not sure whats going on with Libby..hell,she might not even know.So I guess it's a waste of my mental energy to worry about.

-

Speaking of teeth irritating piercing- my labret ring is bothering my gum.. it is receded a bit in front of one tooth.I noticed it while brushing, and flossing .preparing for my dental visit-and had a full blown panic attack about what he'd say,and what I should do. It is MY fault for leaving the long post in so long. I looked up receding gums online of course FREAKED myself out even more. .
He didn't even care,in fact I am half convinced he doesn't remember me from one visit to the next- just my x-ray and chart. He always seems to ask me the same questions.-
When we got home that day I replaced my long post stud with a fishing wire retainer- awesome trick Tata taught me that might save me from any further gum irritation until my bioflex ones come in.

Much more exciting news- Rory had her 1st dental visit,and did shockingly well. I think she won the heart of everyone in the office.I really wasn't sure what to expect and half feared she panicked.Nope,She thought it was the niftiest thing ever.The hygienist was impressed telling her she she come teach the other big kids how to act.lol. Rory does have a cavity they plan on trying to put a temp seal on next month.The only part that made Rory scared was the yuckiness of the fluoride they swabbed a bit of on her teeth,and had her spit.We were really proud of her. -sniff- my big kid.I wish I woulda taken pics.
She is still talking about it.She liked having her teeth tickled.I think she liked being so big having her own appointment ,too.

When we got home from the dentist(it was one of Ri's days off) , I had a package waiting on me- swag from winning the invite a friend contest at breastfeeding.com,(thanks mimi!) . Love 'em. She shirt is a great color,and my new tote/grocery bag is HUGE :)








We didn't do much for Ri's days off.He went and got food from Spanky's (pizza,and stuff :) )for us. Ri was feeling cagey and bored. He works soo much he mostly just rested on his day off and cuddled with us. I slept most the day after my filling though-they always make me feel soo sick.


Mom took us to the beach Thursday,-It's spring break here and she took the week off to be with Amy,and Stephanie who is the troubled neighbor girl that mom and dad have practically taken in...
When mom picked me up that morn( I just didn't sleep so i could be ready to go early).
She just came by herself. Libby and Amy didn't want to go(Steph was there and excited to go though). On the way she said she had seen a bobcat that had been hit by a car, it was alive but probably injured, she was hoping it was ok.She was really chocked up about it..she says everything gets her chocked up lately,
Mom is doing alright, I guess, the chemo/radiation is making her hormonal,tired and nauseous- I told her it sounds like she is preggy,she says it feels that way too. She had decided the beach would do her good,even if no one wanted to go with her,she was going.
Me and steph managed to talk Amy into going to the beach with us.But libby was mopey and unbending. Probably better she stayed home with that 'tude..but I bet she regrets it.
we had a blast.


We made a big sand cruise ship,
When we 1st got there is was COLD- only Stephanie was brave enough for the cold water at 1st,but the sun did come out(full force judging by me sever sunburn despite sunblock)
and we had to pee LOL. I didn't really expect rory to go in ,and never took her outer clothes off- looking back I am glad i didn't she got come sun on her cheeks,elbows and knees-despite the LOADS sunblock- i am glad she had the chirt on her back and shoulders!
Rory really loved siting on the float in the shallow water with Grammy, oh and eating as many chips as possible:











I am soo gonna play with this one in Photoshop and see if i can make it look like Amy is floating.


















We had a really good time!!Rory was a little upset when we didn't go to grammy's and she was brought in the house,but
- came in and crashed until 9 pm ,again :(
Just can't get this kid to sleep in those early predawn hours.
I woke up with bright red unexpected sunburn! I had put a teeny bit of Rory's sunblock on that morn but not much(she was almost out) and we have that barely sunblock spf 5 ,for everyday use..
You can even see my shoulders and cheeks where I reapplied some of Stephs sunblock on my shoulders and cheeks-streaks!
I even got red there- but not near as bad as the back of my arms.
Ri says EVERYONE that went to the beach at his work is BURNT ,even people with really dark skin- Scotty,got so burnt ri says he is insanely PURPLE,
I guess the sun was JUST really bad that day.Its crazy cause I didn't think i had even got sun at all.


The past couple days I have been severely lazy.I feel so out of shape. I spent today trying to exercise,walked the dog at dawn,did yoga took a nap,and did some sit ups and more yoga while Rory ate her breakfast.
Health wise though I have been trying to make healthier food.When we do make our own foods lately they have been vegan.We have tried some new things and made some really yummy stuff.. and a few failures.
One night I decided to make southwestern style corn bread- but i added to much corn meal,it was like hard cornmeal jello.. Ri told me if I made dinner he would clean my REALLY dirty kitchen that night. I teased - 'was it worth it, poor quality food,and now you have to clean?"
So far,vegan desserts simple toss together soups,a beans have been the thing I am the best at.


Well, the sun will be up soon. I should start cleaning up so I have room in here to workout.I seriously feel so out of shape. I am hoping it is just some hormonal thing..but really I don't think I have been this big since postpartum days :( .. some of my fav jeans are too tight. I don't like the slope I am on.-thought I think once a month I go through a bloated hate my body time..I am trlling myself it is just that time.


I will leave you with a few pics from yesterday- Rory found this outfit (mom got it for her last week) in the clean clothes and begged to go outside in it.
-she has blackberry face- they are all over the backyard now !









It has been SO hot you can't be outside for more than a minute after noon.








If you read all this- you are my hero. Sorry for dragging on.-Hopefully you read it in sections.
Love you.

- oh,what do you think of my new header pic??
Dad saw those pics of me on myspace and said they were "kinky, with dem stockings" ..I told him that its a kewl outfit,not kinky..and he is a pervert for thinking that.

PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE-
BABYHELLFIRE