I hope Halloween never ends!!

It's like a week long party here


I can't even begin to describe how excited for Halloween and trick or treating Rory was!
It was soo neat she was so happy ,she had so much fun. Talk about reliving the joys of holidays. That's what kids are for ,right ;) ?


Soooo Halloween and we woke up late. Ri went to work with hopes of coming right back home.I really hoped he would come home because I couldn't figure out how we could do both Halloween festival with Val- and Trick orTreating with Terah without Ri,and I really didn't want to have to choose between the two of them.

Well, at 5 I hadn't heard from Terah, and had no way to get a 'hold of her,and Ri hadn't called so I assumed he had to stay at work.
So, we started getting ready to go out with Val and Seth:




Rory was simply tickled pink to get to put on makeup and loads of pixie dust
Isn't she CUTE!!




Got a little Cap'n in you??
Its surprisingly easy to make a pirate costume out of junk in my closet.


Right as Val pulled up ,Ri called saying HE WAS off work- and on his was home,but it would be another hour drive home.
So I decided not to wait- installed the car seat in Val's car and have Ri meet us at the party.
(a festival at a local church)

Candy and Games! Rory was far too shy,but in kid heaven. Val gave them glow stick necklaces.

Rory came around after a few games. Ring toss,bean bag toss, mini bowling,"fishing"- all that fun stuff.
She was sooo little they let her get closer , and cheat a little. and gave candy for each game even though she didn't win.We made some rounds doing little games.Drew a crowd when she played ring toss- neither of us realized until the entire party of people roared with applause after she made a ring LOL. She was a little embarrassed to turn around and see a huge amount of people. It was really cute tho.
The church took our addy's and gave us all coupons for a free soda,cupcake and hotdog.
I had no use for a hot dog -and I will prolly get some "spiffy jesus mail".
We did eat the cupcake and some soda .
Then went on the hay ride. Val and I had no intention of going . We were just going to send Seth,but Rory was gung ho. So we hoped on (as best we could in our costumes)




Seth- as Commander Cody ,he said.. I know nothing about starwars..
Val had the most awesome costume. A dark fairy of sorts..with really kewl false lashes and make up-I meant to get pic,but didn't. :(
Our hayride was a bit scarier than it should have been. I was worried the driver would topple us all as he cut off other drivers and bicyclists.


For awhile Rory was the only one small enough for the bounce house. She got to do it over and over...and get some fruit snacks every time.




They filled their treat bags. Ri showed up -still in his work whites- as our hay ride ended. ROry was over joyed and surprised to see him.
He moved the car seat to our car while we played a few more games.
We decided to take the kids for real door to door trick or treating,Rory has been begging to go!
Val followed us. Ri had this idea to go to Satsuma were they used to take his sis- but there were NO lights on.
No one does trick or treaters anymore. We ended up all the way into welaka driving around...
We found about 5 houses. ..it payed off because they were also excited to see trick or treaters.The 1st house was a group of vacationers from Michigan who even took pics of the kids they were so happy!

This guy gave all the parents candy


It was a HUGE pain to get Rory -tulle tutu, wings and all- in and out of the car seat between drives to the houses, and we couldn't find a single street with many lights on to walk.
Val had to take Seth to his dads and we decided to end out candy scavenger hunt pretty early.
Rory had MORE than enough candy and fun though.







We gave Rory control of ALL of her candy. Telling her to eat as MUCH as she could tonight.
We found out our buddy was working at the local pizza place and got a white pizza... I bribed her to eat at least a few crusts with her candy.She stayed up ALL night digging through her candy stash.
Surprisingly,At near dawn she gathered up all leftover candy ,asked me to put it up, and give her some "real food" . She fell asleep after eating a bowl of oatmeal- spoon still in her mouth when I woke her to brush her teeth.


----
The next,,,um- "morning" Ri went to work and I called mom- instead got my, very confused, brother JJ. Mom was 'sposed to pick me up for Amy(baby sis') s early b-day, late halloween costume party...but I hadn't heard from her.Turns out no one had.

A few minutes later JJ called back,sounding a bit panicked) telling me , he had teenagers (Amy's friends) but no idea where mom or my sisters where!LOL! I woke up the kid and got our costumes together ,in case she was on her way to us-but ,he called back and said Mom came home(she had expected the teens to show up later)..and said he was going to pick us up.



Rory pre-tutu and wings. :)
JJ's new car has latch and tether - much easier to install the carseat..but its two door so it took some wrangling to get the huge thing in the door.


J warned us the teens were loud and goofy.
Rory was a little intimidated she ran past them out on the spooky decorated porch ,to the living room inside with aunt Lissy and Mom.She happily ate ice creamand chips and watched cartoons.

Lissys cat "RickJames" was having yet another huge litter of kittens- much to the dismay- of well, everyone. Cat needs to get fixed.
Lissy put on her angel costume, mom made some yummy punch and Bo(Lissy's BF ) started the bonfire. While the teens were loud and entertaining outside.


Rory petting a kitty.. who would love nothing more than to escape.
I am really really, trying to talk Ri into taking a kitty. I miss having a cat. :(


They made some veggie dogs-and regular dogs- I gave Rory one on a bun. She looked displeased. I figured she didn't want the dog, I told her " just eat the bun if you like"- but no, she didn't want the bun,instead she peeled the dog out of the bun and crumpled the bun as if it was was cheap packaging and handed it to Mom- I thought Lissy would pee her costume at the sight.
She is soo preggy she says it hurts to laugh.

She is due in March and really starting to look knocked up. She says it bothers her- cashiers notice and such.-but dude, at least they don't just think you look fatty, like the did when I was that far along!

We set her up for some pics on Bo's bike

I LOVE this its my fav!!!Hells angel?LMAO




I love this too.You can see Moms new hair piece-I love it! she says it looks too much like Aunt Marlas hair tho. .. i also love that you can see everyone else in the pic.
Amy(looking freaky) and her Bf?.. i guess?

Amy's friends got her an Amazon gift card.


Oh,dear- more candy!Twizzler dipped in pixie stix

Lissy read a few palms as kids started departing.

We vaguely planned a trip to a haunted cemetery - and I altered my outfit to not be so obviously in a pirate costume...but ,all but one kid ended up leaving.
So we took "mini Colbert" (a kid dressed like a devo band member-black outfit with a red flower pot on his head - who talked such republican diatribe I really wasn't sure if it was satire)... with Amy ,Lissy ,Bo and me( I left Rory with mom and JJ)
We went into the woods to a cemetery at the end of a dead end road. I was more afraid of land owning, gun toting rednecks,and Lissy's driving than of the cemetery itself.... but I was too scared to get out. Bo and "mini Colbert" did for awhile...but we just laughed about how it would end in a horror movie.

When we got back to moms we gathered our things to leave.Rory almost crushed Sniffles the cat (who oddly purred even folded in an awkward way) -while Lissy ,Bo, and Amy played with Amys ougia board type psychic board trying to ask spirits when her baby would come. Or if they would move to St.Augustine

Rory tantrumed for a second ,then crashed out HARD. I was surprised she had been so well behaved considering her prior artificial coloring/flavoring candy overload.

Ri came home and made burritos- Rory even wrapped her beans cheese and salsa in a tortilla-OMG she is getting soo good about food touching!!

She was so gross candy sticky,me and JJ had joked she was sweating candy. Ri and I managed to toss her in the bath for awhile, and watch most of Interview with a Vampire before we all crashed.(she fell asleep watching Casper episodes on Hulu while I caught the end of the movie :) )




Today , it was kind of rainy and dreary.We set the clocks back..so it gets dark when we are getting up.Great...we are nocturnal. :(
Lissy called and asked if she could have her baby shower at my house in a few months. Probably be better if she waits till after xmas- but I said ok.I guess we are kewl again. I am slightly worried Sari will be hurt-since I didn't ever throw a shower for her..tho me and ri's mom did discuss it we didn't know sari's friends or how to do it.We never managed to get Rj in on it either- I feel bad we never threw one for her-but I doubt we would really have the ability to without some help from one of them- i dunno their friends.

..I told Lissy she could have the party here- but MOM would have to be the one to really "throw it",since I obviously suc..Doubting Ri would care( he doesn't).


Rory dressed up again today, as a princess, and pranced around the house making a gigantor mess, while I watched Tv on hulu and cleaned the kitchen.

" such as, south africa"



When Ri called he told me his mom had bought her a new littlest pet shop toy.. so we told her she needed to start cleaning up her mess to make space for her new toy- I cannot believe that worked!! When Ri got home and gave her the new pink lamb,pony and wheelbarrow toy he called his mom so she could hear Rory was SO excited ,it was so cute!
Ri made more mex food(homemade tortillas and refried the leftover black beans)- drank rum and diet dr.pepper and is now passed out REALLY COLD on the couch.At lease he is off work tomorrow.lol
I am getting pretty sleepy ,too.
Goodnight in the early morning folks.



PEACE AND TOFU CHICkEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

Never ready

We searched the net for pumpkin designs- she wanted a difficult looking scooby doo -lantern
-until we saw one with flowers. So, I found a paper flower card,an traced it over and over. turne out way better than I thought.
It will go good with her fairy costume. We also roasted the pumpkin seeds, love them. Rory loves them so much I am considering buying a mark down pumpkin after halloween!
We didn't go out anywere on Ri's days off this week, he has been working a few mornings here an there for his boss, then spent Tuesday applying at stores, in a terrble mood about money-but I can't figure out how he'll make any decent money starting at a store,assuming they woul even hire someone,esspecially right now.
I admire that he still has it in him to try so hard.He did make yummy foods on his days off, and homemade bread.


I am having a shitty day.
I am so not equipped to deal with a 3 yr old lately.
I spend far too many moments wanting nothing more than to run to my room and hide under the blankets...and far too much time actually doing so.

So random.. one minute I am fine doing the fun mommy thing, crafts ,coloring and baking, the next I am rock bottom.

The child tantrums ,like, full out screaming tantrums whenever she gets tired or hungry- and considering our schedule is soo terrible we wake up in late afternoon to early evening hours, and we are so broke that our food is all things that requires a hunk of time to make from scratch...she hits sleepy/hunrgy tantrum mode a lot.When she is in tantrum mode every damn thing is meltdown worthy...she forgets how to use words ,falls to the floor in a heap of tears because she wants something I didn't even know she wanted.
I spend the duration of that time feeling like a horrible failure as a parent- that she is acting like that , that I can't please her in the 1st place, that I have so little pateince for it.
I already feel like a failure for a plethora of other things(which is both true in some areas -or just an outright lie that I start to blame myself for when OCD,depression ,and selfloathing aren't enough to make the walls close in) ,so my patience being constantly tried is a real bitch.

I keep trying to tell myself this will pass. The fall funk happens to me damn near every year, I find myself somewhere between Florida's shitty wet cold one day hot the next weather(putting me into hibernation mode), and our extreme belt tightening(putting Ri in an overly pouty mood)-
I find myself feeling out of touch with my community,my freinds, my family, and out of the loop about well everything. The added disconnection , hybernation mode swaddled with guilt for feeling so scared ,insecure, and out of touch inside my little bubble.

So I battle. I battle because if you could read my tone, you can see I know I shouln't hate myself, I know I shouldn't be so insecure, I know I can't fix what is already broken, I can't change the past- which I focus so much on,
I know I should get up and do something, I know there are things I should do-things I must do , and that this funk is primarily self inflicted..
I know I am lucky even if things are falling down all around me.
I know I am not as ugly, or pathetic ,as the distorted refletion I choose to see.I even shrug off people who are concerned about my mood - because I know its stupid,selfish and petty.

...but I just keep getting in deeper. Something has got to give.We just need something. I just want a break. ...I'm not even sure from what, as I am pretty much always on break.

Sigh.
I wasn't going to post this- just write it all out here,but screw it I'm leaving it.It isn'y for anyone, but me though. I'm sorry.




----
Anyway.
I guess tomorrow is Halloween. I am not sure yet what we will do. Rian MAY or MAY not work, it is a holiday he has to show up- but if anyone else is missing he will have to stay( I am not going to hold my breath that everyone else shows up :( ) . Terah wants us to trick or treat with her, she is scared to try and do it alone with her 2 kids,
and we had originally planned to go with Val to the church's trunk or treat party( Val and Terah haven't been friends for a yr now) .RI had also sort of wanted to go to St.Augustine. We looked online on Ri's days off for halloween parties we could go to while he was off...but they were all held last weekend. I feel like we already missed halloween, I hate that.
We'll see what happens tomorrow I guess.
I put together a pirate costume...but I don't know if I will wear it.Rory says she wants me to be a bat instead,but I can't toss together a bat costume that easily.Though, I do like bats.

The big local "everybody is having a yard sale party" is the day after Halloween....but I have not prepared. I keep putting it off. As much as I feel the need to organize my pack ratted junk and get rid of it. I have no desire to stack all that junk on the yard for the odd locals to rifle through ,hassle me over and then pay me a portion of their pocket change for....assuming they even venture down my dead end road in the 1st place.It's wasted stress. ...even though the stress of useless junk weighting me down isn't much better. (though past yrs have proven yard selling my junk does nothing to decrease its mass)besides it will likely be long over by the time I roll out of bed.

I should just bag it all up and drop it at goodwill,and admit defeat on never getting a possible 10 dollars in quarters out of some of it.
I should go throw something together to eat.
PEACE AND TOFU CHICkEN GREASE,
babyhellfire

Visit the Reunion,baby Lily,and the museum

Oh dear.
I have like 75 pics to post ,much to tell- and I am SOO not in the mood to type it all out.
...but I have spent more hours than I would like to admit uploading these damn pics ,
So your getting a blog post!


SO-
Sunday was the huge family reunion. Ri woke up and took us, planning on leaving to go to work-with us, so I could be home to see Heidi and Katie.
Worked out better than my original plan of going with Mom because Maurice was there and (he and others were )really happy to see Ri.

Rory and Bianca-my cuz's daughter (both being tooo shy to really play together,despite both wanting to)


Missy and Malik the cheek.. He was tooo cute falling asleep between bites of food
cuz's
Missy's oldest
Joe.Teaching Maurice the fine pleasures of ham and cookies


Binky- she cried because she thought everyone was laughing AT her.




Mandy and Derringer (PLEAsE forgive me if I slaughter all these names folks)
Laughing cause Mandys soda was possessed and sliding down the table at her


OMG- This kid. I can't believe it... when I walked up- My 2nd cuz Dwayne, (he lived with us awhile and when my youngest sis was a baby we called him "Not the JJ"-jj being my bro )-
Well "Not the JJ"- and his mom walk up,and she tells me- this grown ass boy is Dwaynes son.
I shook my head and didn't coprehend it at 1st.


OMG- I have pics of this boy at 2 yrs old!!!! He is all grown up 13 and tall as me. DUDE- how did that happen! Me and Missy joked remembering how HE used to be the original "baby so big he eats other babies"- i say it about her boys now :) Mitch's kids- tristan and Binky
..and Mitch's new Fiance . Mitch is out of state for work.

Maurice, taste testing cookies and ham.
My cousins are HILARIOUS! It was good fun


-- speaking of- THIS is Dwayne "not the JJ"
...and for that matter i don't think my bro JJ ever showed up!! stinker


Missy
Rory being shy.
Lissy and Amy-my sisters-...Bo in the background- and baby Nickolas in Lissy's belly



Rory FINALLY came out of her shell when my dad showed up looking like stereotyped character of a biker. (and sounding so much like Billy bob in sling blade I made him say "i like mustard on my biscuits" ) .LOL you hafta love him




Rory with My mom.Looking super cute with her short hair- I should have taken more pics of her, i liked her outfit.

Those cheeks! Missy's chunky boys are sooooo cute!
We ate and there was a surprising amount of veggie food. Mac& cheese,rolls, baked ziti mom brought for us, Lentil loaf Lissy made, and someone brought green chili cream corn.
Tons of relatives I barely knew. Ri said we ended up at just the right table with the relatives he actually knows and likes.lol
------ edditted to add MORE pics a cuz too


D & J
Moe &J
I love those 2 pics they capture Lil J :)



Tristan, I didn't any good pics of him. He is TOOO quiet-and growing too fast
Mandy & D and Missy's baby boy Malik- they must be photogenic - this is a great pic so I stole it from her -
but, I did have lots of the three of them more than anyone else :)
------




WAIT- edited once more to add pics from my sis :
Grammy,and Grampa the Grape







We left so Ri could get ready for work and we'd be home in case heidi and katie came over...
they never did...and I haven't heard from them. Sigh.
I should have went with mom after the reunion as planned.
I was kind of bummed about it.
RI came home and struggled to put a littlest pet shop game he found on the laptop- the next morning he FINALLY got it


At least Monday was Ri's day off- We needed to go grocery shopping,and wanted to go see Sari and Lily. So after exploring wally world and publix-and bribing the child with oreos- we stopped by Sari's(Ri's baby sis)- she'd just got off work.

Ri tested how hard it was to take a pic out of three people


I know you want to squish her cheeks- here is the pic of squishage








She has a super cute two dimple smile- we were trying to catch on film- with no luck


FEETS!!!







Sari is trying to figure out if her eyes will change more- if they will be blue or brown(Sari has brown eyes). I think it may still be early to tell.
Rory was a little bit rough for Lily.Way too excited













We came home to a LPS coloring book and Hannah Montana crayons on our doorstep from Val-Rory was in HEAVEN!

Ri made homemade pizza!
..and realized we should have bought more flour on our shopping trip


Unmeat lovers pizza : Tofurkey italian soysage, soypeperoni(smartlife) and soylami (yves deli slices) ;) - was surprisingly really good.seriously.



It is kind of nice to have the extra counter space the table gives us.
(yes there is still leftover pizza in my fridge. :) )




Today-Or, uh Tuesday(I guess it technically now Wednesday)
I Woke up super late in bed by myself. Ri had let me sleep in it was really nice.
He heard that The Cummer Museum in Jax was free on Tuesdays from 4 to 9pm.. so we decided to head that way.Free...but a long trip. Rory was NOT excited to go and leave her pets and video games.
(she did bring her coloring book and crayons tho and that helped)


(she/her seat is not sideways my camera was)

They had GREAT stuff for kids and all kinds of actives.
Rory REALLY loved it, more than expected.




This was probably her fav thing. Simple blocks...
I have looked online every xmas season for a set of simple blocks like this- and not found them. I will be looking again this year.



We headed out to the Garden trying to beat the sunset.


MOM! they are peeing!
"OH, are they peeing in the water, GROSS!"
"Silly MOM its JUSt a statue! "


Rory watching the St.Johns river bubble and looking for boats with dad




She told him to sit with her....
oh yeah, Rians 'stash - he is growing out for halloween, I dunno what he will be with it.besides funny looking.






Love this pic





walking in the grass barefoot with Daddy. They said it was cold.
She is QUEEN. A few people walked by and laughed at us for this pic.but I don't care and it is a cute pic :P

Inside the "children's museum"Minature museum.
She would only let me in far enough to take this pic.


She REALLY loved this and the collage part- with construction paper and scissors.She made her own cute art(tho she does that sort of art at home all the time) she was really proud to bring home her art. She was sooo well behaved in the museum even the regular adult part,we were really proud. We stopped in a quick trip to the store for flour and some strawberries for the ride home. ---can you believe Rory ate pretty much all of them?



She jammed on the way home to Damian Marley... telling me to hush because her song was on when this started


I think I will end on that - told ya I ain't in the mood for typin tonight. I have a load of vids to upload too... but not tonight
PEACE AND TOFU CHICkEN GREASE.
BABYHELLFIRE