Friday, May 8, 2009

Chaos is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence.

Somehow, I did manage to be at moms house AND catch the final episode of scrubs ON air date..which is better luck than I even realized seeing as how the chargers for the laptop finally went, and i have a dead laptop. Now, I am stuck bloggin on dinoputer. I feel complealty zombieish without my laptop tv watch music source. CRY! Our new plug /charger should arrive tommorow.-fingers crossed- ..because I really wanna watch that episode again. At least I managed to catch that new epi of reaper before I lost power last night.

Monday and Tuesday were pretty lazy days. We hung out in out pjs most the day. Rory was craving cooked carrots- So I used the beef flavored vegitarian bullion to make some mock beef stew. It was soo simple and so good- lentils carrots and potatos. I also made Rory black eyed peas for dinner she was in food heavan.
Rory would have went to bed early monday night, but then wanted to stay up to wait for Ri... she ended up overtired and up way too late.Ri came home with fixings for a big breakfast, so I scrubbed the kitchen down extra while I wated for Rory to pass out.-- We all woke up too late for him to make us breakfast before he had to get to work :( . I made some more bread- one I coated with butter (and a touch of marmite) the other I just floured.

Everyone loved the buttery one.
Lissy- and Nickolai came over Tuesday night to do laundry.Then, we went to moms for dinner while her laundry was in.
(not the power cord propped up in the one position it was working in before it went compleatly kaput)

We got back here the same time Ri was geting home from Nalus.The house was a mess with us not being home much to clean and keep up- Ri had planned to make "brinner"- but didn't end up with a chance or the hunger to do so. Rory stayed up way way later than she should have- You could see her face was exahsted.
I had a rough night- too much caffine I think. I had weird freaky dreams.
Me and Lissy had planned to go visit some reletives. She called and woke me up from the bit of sleep I was getting between nightmares. I let Rory sleep in and took my time getting ready.
We went to Aunt Marlas to visit.
Binky wasn't there - we were a little sad about that.Rory would have liekd to play with her. I need to bring Rory over one of these days to play with her.Rory did get to play with the boys, a little. Jay mostly wanted to play online- and Rory didn't quite realize that malik was too little to really grasp sharing toys . He is as big as her, lol but only 18 mo old.

Missy had to get ready for an ultrasound- by drinking loads of fluids and holding her pee.
Aww, MrCole looks almost like he could be Aunt marlas baby.

--ugh. I don't have photoshop to get the redeye and adjust my pics on this old puter- sorry.
We chatted a bit. Amazing how fast news of any sort of family drama travels...yes, there is some family news. I may post about it soon, perhaps not this post though.
Missy left for her appt- and Lil M was sleepy. Rory consoled him, which sort of amazed Marla because she said USUALLY he doesn't like anyone to touch him when he fusses. He wouldn't let me touch him, but he just wanted to hold Rory's hand...and Rory was like "ew,he's crying make him stop"-she doesn't do well with the crying

He laid down and you could tell he would soon fall asleep, so we headed out. MrCole has decided he likes to ride with the windows down, well he hates the car and his carseat..but he likes the wind- puts him right out. We stopped at Lissys ate, and played with kitties.

Rory has/had been saying she wants Lissy black and white kitten.she told Lissy she wants to name him blackywhitey- which logically led to Lissy thinking of "white boy greg" of local news fame-Gregory is about the most fitting name that cat could ever had. The second we called him greggory it was very obvious his name...but Greggory is sort of skittish (Lissy says boo picks on him). I think Rory may have changed her mind and decided she wants the other kitten. The fluffy dryerlint grey one I call Squishface, and Lissy calls Furby does nothing but sleep, and was content sleeping on Rory our entire visit.
The other fuzzy grey girl was obcessed with our shoes- Rory said she will grow up to be a shoe scintist- so we started calling her Prada.
Lissy other boy kitten she calls the brave little toaster.It also spends all day in the kitchen, so Toaster is a very fitting name.Toaster seems to love Rory too, despite her being a little too rough with him.Toaster and Sqishface are the two on her lap in the pic.-- I got video too...there is no way I will be able to download that on this computer.I showed Ri.. he is still adamant"No kitties!"

I had wrote Sari online and told her we would like to come see her- she called me while we were at Lissys to say she would love for us to visit. Once we thought we had an opening with MrCole we headed that way- but we had to stop a few times because the bossman in the backseat wasn;t having it.
There has been some family drama -between the SILs. Ri has been avoiding the phonecalls like the black plague the alst few days. I had hoped the visit to Sari wouldn't be a bad one with all that. I don't need to get involved in inlaw drama... well any more than I have to be thanx.
We had a good visit though.. well. Rory and Lily played.
While Lily gave me that weird stare she always gives me...
Almost like "who the hell are you big tall strange lady, and why are you in my house"

she sort of gave Lissy the same look though, so I don't feel so bad.

I scopped her up and kissed her and hugged her anyway(and so did Rory).Sari was like," she isn't very affectionate at this age"-psh, none of them are- but I don't care.Yes, I am that aunt the one with the lipstick that covers the poor children in kisses.

See, proof she saves the stare for me, and smiles for her mommy.
Sorry sari, if my laptop was functional I could clean this pic up really nice in photoshop(I will later , promise).
How does my child spend the day inside houses and end up looking soo dirty?- and TIRED boy she looks tired.

We went to moms for dinner instead of coming straight to my house
Oh dear ,how I need my laptop for that pic.

Rory decided she wanted a big bowl of fruitloops and some snack cakes for dinner-mmm nutritional. meh,at least she is eating.
Doesn't she look tall?? Dad gave me a hard time about how thin she is- but she just shot up at least a full inch in the legs and torso this week! I had to go up a notch on her carseat straps and now all her size three pants are too short,and yet she is too slim for her fours... well except the 4 slims she has.
Many many convos were had. We headed back to my house. Lissy pretty much bagged up the rest of her laundry and headed out.
Ri came home with a whole crap ton of groceries.So we snacked for dinner mostly.I was soo tired I was shaking.

After all that I went to bed with insanely high post social anxiety and slept on a bed of nightmares.Why do I do that to myself?What good does it do to fret about things that have already happened?To worry about actions I cannot change?It's stupid, and I know it but it doesn't change my gut.

I woke up to the sound/smell of Ri making breakfast- he had been talking for days about wanting to make a big breakfast(or brinner)-and with our newly well stocked cabinets he made a huge spread.With Eggs, and the real meat sausage he had been craving(I didn't have any meat). Rory says she LOVES eggs -except Easter eggs. No hard boiled eggs for her.

Ri wanted to do something. He had sort of wanted to go to universal studios with a local discount free ticket we had got- and drop Rory with his mom for the day- but we were so exhasted he decided not to...and honestly ,I wasn't too keen on the idea.
There is some friction there about money.A few months ago, we bottomed out.We reapplied for foodstamps and medicaid and were so poor we weren't sure we could even do xmas...NOW, they canceled RORY's medicaid because Ri's second job brings too much money!
We have money,now- he works all the time and everything is paid off- but I don't entirely feel secure spending it, AND I have a mental list of priorities all of which require money(new roof, ripping up the carpet,and mostly getting the hell out of the sticks before Rory ends up in school in this failing district) that is a lot of worry over money to me.--
but Ri, he sees that he works all the time, he only has one day off a week, all of the bills are paid off and he has extra money in his pocket he would like to spend enjoying his day off.
I see both sides- but we still can't agree. ..and then we waste his one day not coming to some sort understanding of one another.
Honestly, I don't think we will agree until ,or unless I feel more secure and stable- and pretty much think that means we need to be the fuck out of this falling down house OR working towards serious repairs. Which we aren't, so I'm not. Either way, it isn't money that really is the issue. it is the addituide we both have about it and the poor communication of it- we don't understand each other.If the person you love doesn't understand you,you sort of instantly feel like ass.

He ended up driving off to ride around alone for awhile- he gets too cagey,always.

Rory had asked all day to go on a bike ride, but it was very hot. Near dusk she asked again and I decided to take her and the dog- it was still really hot , but not as bad as the sun was setting.Though, she was FLYING down the road on her bike, me and Noobs were RUNNING to keep up.I had to beg her to slew down. It was pretty hot for that speed.

We didn't stay out long with the sunsetting on us. Noobie walked perfectly on the way home , whyu can't she have such leash manners all the time?I thought she would break my arm on the way out, but on the way back she always dos so much better.
- ugh we were all way overheated,even for a dusk trip. I started doing some housework-Ri came home not long after.He made dinner- but Rory was so tired from her bike ride she fell asleep while Ri was cooking. Of corse she woke up a few hours later.Just in time to steal the relaxing bath from her dad.. and with enough sleep to stay up until the wee hours of the morning making cupcakes in her toykitchen.
We've been lounging so far all day.Eating way too much of the junk in the house.
Still sort of sore from the high emotions of the past few days.
I guess I will start cleaning since I have nothing better to do with no laptop and this slow dinoputer to contend with.
I think sunday we are 'sposed to go to Grandma the Grapes for mothersday- but I dunno if we are doing anything tomorrow or not yet.



Libby said...

I know what you mean about post social anxiety. I do that too, it makes for a shitty nights sleep. sorry sis

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