Friday, May 22, 2009

Things that shouldn't be....

Shouldn't have happeneds,
shouldn't be thinking about,
shouldn't be focused on,
shouldn't worry about,
shouldn'tve done when I should've been cleanining
shouldn't have drank so much coffee,
shouldn't have stayed up all night,
and prolly shouldn't even post about... that title seems themey-I'll run with it
-oh,and other stuff too.

Aw man,Where to start where to start....
I can't say we've have been up to a helluva lot, but stuffs been going on around me that bears delving into here.One of those times when I miss the old days of blogging -when no one I actually knew, actually read this...and I could vent and rant incoherently about people like some crazy youtube vlogger ,or something.

Chronological order my friend,first things first.. something I have put off mentioning here.. but I guess I may as well, because anyone locally with a curious mind would have already figured it out:

Did you know I have DOZENS of cousins??Not A dozen,DOZENS..on moms side alone ,I think, even.Word travels fast in a small town where most everyone is related.-OH, the point!..I'm getting there.

My baby sister Amy is pregnant.
Yes, she is underage.16 ,too young. She told my folks a month or so ago.My 1st reaction was a gasp and "I didn't even think she was sexually active"-no,Juno I don't know what that even means ,either- but still. DAMN.
She has decided to keep the baby. Lissy (and mom and Amy too, perhaps)- HAD had premonitions of Amy having a baby boy after Lissy had hers. (I know, all too common of an occurrence for my family, that is totally odd to other people. Also,yes, they are COMPLETELY convinced she will have a boy-insert my skeptical eyeroll)
.. so there was this sort of foreknowledge of possible expectations of events, that perhaps softened the blow.
or not.
I don't know.
I know, it didn't for dad..but still- they took it better than I would have expected they would. What else can you do I guess but think positive and get ready?
Well, anyway- she told Grandma("thegrape"), therefore within seconds at least 20 other people knew. Probably before any plans of spilling to the world(family history of miscarriages has us all gun shy of sharing such things)

So, anyway there is THAT.
No, I don't know exactly her plans.I think she maybe planning to go live with Lissy for a bit.I think her and her BF may have also broken up amidst all this- well, Honestly ,I almost prefer that to the original talk of marriage when the subject of teenage pregnancy came up.
(Yeah, I HAVE been with my hubby since I was 15..and I still think teen marriage is a BAD idea.I'll own that. )

I do worry how incredibly hard it will be for her- at that age- I can't even imagine. On top of her spine being held straight with metal rods-pregnancy alone sounds more uncomfy than norm- then there is childbirth ,and all before she even gets to the whole child rearing newborn hell part.I do know she is incredibly supported,and MUCH smarter and stronger, than you could normally attribute to a girl her age.

Damn girl has always grown too fast- trying to keep up with her teenage sisters when she was school age(and honestly, socially speaking ,I think she may have surpassed me then), and now keeping up with us in our 20s. Well, Amy if you are reading this, Sorry for spilling,er-more.

One topic out of the way onto the next...
AND forgive me if this post is all over the place, I am nocturnal again.Caffine , lack of sleep and boring social outlets makes me chatty. MWHAHAHAHA!

I spoke of the rain in my last post. Yeah, Ri had Monday off- AND Tuesday off. I woke up to the sound of rain, I got to sleep in again! I had a really nice morning-I even woke up before Rory, and got a shower.The constant rain had us all stir crazy though. I really wanted to go to a nearby store and see if I could find an aloe plant,for my hair(aloe is really helpful on neatening dry frizzies.- and you can bet that rainy humidity was had me frizzy!) It was pretty bad in spurts though and we weren't sure if it would ever let up enough to get out of the house.I WAS still in a good mood. I love the rainy days under most circumstances.

...but then Lissy wrote me. 1st she told me Her kittens were all dying. The one she had given Steph had died, they took it to the vet who claimed the mothers antibodies were killing her and there was nothing they could do but euthanize.(that just seems really weird to me, I still lean towards the thought it is a kitty upper respiratory infection)
So , the two seemingly fine but stuffy nosed boy kitties Lissy had left started to scare her. She was very very worried they were on their way out too with nothing they could do- and felt the whole house felt like death. :( . Later she said she ended up giving them to a freind- I don't know how they are doing, she is still quite worried about RickJames' health though.
(I had to explain to Rory today that she could not have Greggory the blackandwhite kitten, because he was sick and Lissy had to give him away to someone who could care for him :( . Rory cried for awhile,and begged us to let take her somewhere soon to pick out her own cat.)

that --2nd thing ,Lissy asked me was about something posted on myspace implying a friend of ours had passed away. I honestly brushed it off as a rumor, or a misunderstanding.

"NO!Surely not,I saw her just last week or so at winndixie- looking adorably pregnant and healthy, she laughed and bitched about WD with me for a second, gave me some gossip. Can't be THAT Heather"...but more people posted the same sorts of messages.
So ,I wrote one of them and asked. I kept thinking it would be some local gossip type rumor of a car accident or something, or maybe an inlaw of hers with the same name.I never want to accept such things.
.. I knew it was true when the reply was that she had a severe asthma attack,both her and her unborn 22wk daughter passed (they had named Madison ).
I knew she had bad asthma, I heard she had been hospitalized before from it.

She was so young,SO sweet and kindhearted I don't think I have ever met someone who didn't like her, she had two young sons near Rory's age- and I KNOW she was excited to be having a daughter.It is so compleatly heartbreaking.I cried all morning.
Her feneral is today/saturday.. I have never been a funeral, part of me feels like I should go..but I won't,or can't.
I did write her sister ,mostly to tell her I was there if she needed anything- but what can you say?

That dreary rain now, started to press down on me.Everything felt like death and sadness -tear flood water dark day rain, instead of that fresh wash away the heat, help the flowers, new beginning spring rain feel it had.
We had to get out of the house. We waited for an opening in the rain enough to get the carseat in the car, and headed out.It was already to late by then to make it to any of the local hardware type stores that sell plants- I doubted they would have anything at the grocer worth buying..about then we realized we had no idea where were going.When we passed the "yosh"(local owned store that's like a convenience store- with clothes,hairweave and lots of other weirdneses), I asked to stop in there. I have never done much beyond pop in there, it seemed like a decent place to pass some time. Rory was impatient, she just wanted to listen to Hannah Montana and cruise around.We picked out some spicey Mexican candy-Rory got herself a cheapo watergun /candy combo thing. We poked at the strange clothes and oddities before leaving.

We stopped home for a bite to eat- then stopped in Val's house to hang out.
We brought Noobs, who wanted desperately to love on Val's cats- Noobs and Rory are sooo cat obsessed, but most cats do not share that affection. ..though Val's female cat seemed to enjoy the attention from the kid. Rory played with Seth- they were soo funny together.

She got me while I took that pic
With the watersquirter out Noobs decided to spend the rest of the visit hiding under the table at Ri's feet.
Seth read to us a little bit-he is getting way too big too fast!!
while Rory ran off after Val's cats. We didn't stay terribly long- as they had to go to bed.

We tried to beat the nasty rain out- but we pretty much got soaked.
Ri came home and made lasagna and garlic bread for dinner -and he and Rory made a big batch of cookies,with chocolate chips I wasn't even aware we had!

Wednesday, Ri's boss decided to open despite the constant rain- so he worked both jobs--very slow day for them. Me and the nowbacktonocturnal Rory did pretty much nothing.Lazed around watching Tv or rocking to music.

She had a bunch of games going too- Little pets,toyboxes poured out all over AND baby dolls being cared for.
My overly lazy evening turned into a sleepless morning after Ri went to bed. I hate going to bed at dawn. I did manage to find some sleep.. eventually.

Woke up to a hot house and a cussing husband Thursday morning/afternoon.He had already went to the hardware store and back, to get a replacement thermostat... and was replacing it.BUT, it wasn't the thermostat, it was the breaker for the AC, so we would have to buy another.
I had a dentist appt that afternoon, shame because Ri wanted to switch for Thursday(after missing Monday and Tuesday at work) .
We took our time leisurely getting ready for the late afternoon apt,and making a mental list of the random items we need from in town. We were ready pretty early- but somehow between getting out the door , and the rainy day traffic we ended up running late. Ri told me it would be polite to call ahead and tell them we were running a little bit late... I called expecting them to be thankful I had called, instead -while we are IN the city JUST a few minutes away, I get told I have to reschedule!!!This is the cleaning I have already put off for months because I couldn't afford it, and now because I was polite enough to call I have to reschedule it!! AHHHHH!!!!! ARG! ..and Ri could have worked! damn damn double damn.I cried to the receptionist as she helped me figure a convenient time. Something about the hygenist having an appointment to go to and leaving at 4.
I am trying to tell myself that had I have NOT called, and shown up late they would have still would have been told I needed to reschedule as well.. not just because I called.kwim?

Still fucked oour entire plan for the day.
We went to lowes, to get the part Ri needed to get the Air conditioner back on, and an aloe plant.. Ri also somehow roped me into picking a bunch of seeds to plant.
.. We will see what I can grow back there, but I have no green thumb..I hope he keeps in mind I killed the last aloe plant,and at least a dozen other plants before that.
Rory decided she wanted a Red Rose, for some reason, and it was VERY important. I didn't want to buy her a rose plant , but we promised to go to another store and try.
We stopped by the mall on the way past, Ri had read their jeans where on sale, but we didn't find much.Walked around the tiny shell of a mall with Rory -she was mad they "didn't even have a gumball machine"-..we left in search of chinese food.
Found a little takeout place, and ate there.Rory ate a surprising amount, LOVE chinese food :) .
We were next to kmart so we figured we would look in there for a crotchet hook and hemp cord I wanted for my hair..they didn't have it, we DID find Rory a red rose though :) .

I HATE walmart.But I couldn't think of another local place that would have the craft section for what I wanted. UGH!We tried to rush in and out.
A note about my hair.
..and a pic..

My hair- it is a tangly mess. frizzy too.
I put aloe in it when we got home ,palmrolled a bit- even added some wraps around some of the really funky thick lump pieces.-LOL,do you know what it looks like?? We used to have the Lhasa-Apso doggy, long fur that trailed the ground and had to be brushed daily-when you didn't brush he would get a few funky little matted pieces under his belly and such....yeah, those in the end of a few sections of my hair.hAHAHA! I have dog hair

I played with the crotchet hook a little- I did ONE that was falling apart-congoing too much with the others..2 problems, I DO worry how that will effect my hair, I have heard good and bad about crotchet dreads falling out-holes in them-or not.
I do think it will be valuable in very occasional maintenance one day in the far future.
For now though, the one I crocheted together.. I don't like. It looks more like a braid, and it also doesn't feel strong and solid as some of the others reg knots.It seems as though it may even hinder the process-it DOES look good on the outside, if that makes sense.

The wraps though, that is awesome, I tied a piece of string around one lumpy weird matted piece before we left the house the other day-vain,I know. ..and when we got home I took it out to replace it with the hemp cord- and that thing was SOLID,and round!That quick. I can see how it will help with that whole congo party the back always tries to work into...but right now,very baby dreads,hell,not even dreads yet so it doesn't really matter.

I washed it yesterday(well ,beyond rinses and stuff I was doing-I SCRUBBED my scalp)
, and yay- all my hair is still sectioned, and still knotting.surprised me.Most people complain about that 1st wash and how the sections fall loose.Mine feels tighter now even. Awesome.
I also finally came to the conclusion, I need to stop lurking dread mesage boards, stop googling info and pics, stop messing it. The ony advice ANYANY place has about natural dreads, esspecially this early LEAVE THEM ALONE! It is even noticable, by the fact that the ones in the front of my head that I have put in the most twisting and palm rolling, are basically twisted hair, they are NOT as neat and solid feeling as the ones I have left the hell alone.

For a good long while ,I need to stop thinking about my head. stop fiddling, stop touching- beyond the occasional seperation of them when I wake up, trying to stick together.Let go , and let it be, so I need to stop freaking thinking about it all the damn time , because it is just going to be crazy for a LONG while-pateince ...."stop thinking about it" I say,after I spend an hour typing all about it.
Well, I had to tell you.keep you updated :) .
If ya were interested,Forgive me if I post less about it in the next few weeks, beyond pics of headgear, or weirdness.

Well, anyway,... after some trial an error- including running all the way back to LOWES because he got the wrong brand , Ri turned off the power(which Rory thought was scary but cool) and managed to get the AC back on! hooray central air is my BFF!

Ri ran to the store and came home with a treat for each of us..he wanted cowmilk for his cookies, so he got me a bucket of soda, the kid a bag of cheetos, and the dog a can of food. We are simple like that.
-my child is crazy...

and stays up till dawn.
Leaving me awake...unable to sleep.
I went to bed at like 10am yesterday.. and slept like a rock until my phone rang at one or so and woke me up. I missed it still, and didn't call them back... I just took a shower.
Lissy called me later and said: "The baby is ok, he is GREAT"...I was like "um.ok?"-
that was her way of telling me he had been in the hospital all night... by first telling me he is fine LOL, only my sis would.
He has been congested- and is currently on antibiotics for an ear infection- Thursday, they had been in St.Auggy - she was breasfeeding him, all of the sudden he turned white and went limp.After a second he seemed ok,except VERY sleepy... so they rushed to the hospital.Flagler put them in an ambulance to JAX pediatrics, they ran a whole slew of tests(I swear its like "OOOOooo a medicaid patient what expensive shit can we do?" ) and then pretty much told her he chocked/inhaled some breastmilk but he is fine.I wonder if Lissy has recovered from the scare though?
Lissy posted a status on myspace mentioning it... next thing I know my grandmother is calling me in hysterics because Missy ,told AuntMarla- that Nickolai was in the hospital.She was happy to hear he was fine.Gotta love the phonechain,

Anyway. I threw some stuff in the dehydrator, Rory LOVED dried zucchini and squash snacks.
Cleaned up the house abit, laundry, dishes- none of the major stuff I shoulda done...played with photoshop-cleaned up this great pic of Sari and Lily(go back to an older post and you can compare the original)

but still mostly lazed around.
Rory tortured the poor dog all day- spending most the day curled up in the closed WITH her! To the point the poor dog went outside and laid in the rain to get some peace.(she loves the attention as much as she protests-I know she does) . Then Rory threw a HUGE tantrum and spent a long bit of time in timeout.oooo child is trying lately! Once she let of some steam and rested in timeout, she came out and apologized for being mean to me, and was an angel.
I made garbanzo beans and Spanish rice for dinner.Rory ate a whole bowl too!Ri came home later than I expected, it was pretty slow at his work-still rain rain rain.

It is 'sposed to be clear today. The Blue Crab festival starts today- but I haven't slept,and Ri has to work tonight... Ri and I are hoping it will still be going Monday. The Blue Crab is where we 1st kissed 10 yrs ago !!It's sorta special .. they almost canceled it this year due to budget-I was beyond thrilled when they decided to have it! Ten years is BIG! The end of this month will be ten years I have been with Ri. We passed the setup when we were in town Thursday and Rory was all excited by the site of the rides and carnival stuff... so it could be fun. Now that she is big enough to ride things...

Well, I do think there was much more- but I need some sleep, my belly is killing me.
Besides, I would be shocked if most anyone made it through all my ramblings to the end of this post. ..and I am not going to read over this before I post it right now either , so forgive my insomniatic nocturnal mess.


tata said...

Damn, lady. That was one helluva post. Where do I start?

I should call you. That would be easiest! I'll wait until later, as I see you are heading to bed now.

Love ya.

sandra said...

"nowbacktonocturnal" well i'm happy to see i'm not the only one with a nocturnal kid!