Monday, August 4, 2008

Three things cannot be long hidden:

the sun,the moon, and the truth.

On a clear day
- with the road clearcut by google-
you can see the storm,and way more than you ever wanted,
yet, still not enough.

Things have been boring as hell and crazy all at once.
I have exerted an insane amount of mental energy, and very little physically.My brain and eyes hurt from it all.

On the bright side this weekend I talked to mom- She is DONE with her radiation treatments!!DONE! She said they even gave a her a cute certificate.
She is still REALLY tired from it though, she says all she does is sleep and work anymore.

Lissy- seems overly stressed up there...and probably about coming back down as well.
Another down note- Sari gave up breastfeeding- sad but not surprising.

--- Ok..Right down to the meat of the matter.
I have mentioned my message board addiction before. It all seems silly to those not on boards-
but I have been on this board for years. In private contact releasing VERY private info to some members who i trust, people who are/were my best friends- as I DO NOT have many Real Life ones.Recently announced on the very large board -(think affecting around 500 members)
- that one woman who I was VERY close with,and had shared personal information with was NOT who she said she was.
The more we dug the deeper it went. Google lead ,after google lead ,sending many members on chases all over cyber space.

The hundreds of pics she posted of herself (for the last 6+ years)- we not her.

The pics of her gorgeous daughter- new young son,labor- we not pics of her kids.

The stories of abuse,loss,success- all stolen from other people.or completely fabricated.

I was broke down by the end of it. I WANTED to buy the lie.I wanted to have that friend.
I wanted to trust her.So many years. So much shared. She eventually admitted it was all a lie...and told us soo little to help us understand.After soo many years- so much we had shared- i would have loved to read a whole sorrid tale from her-but got nothing.A one line- "I lied,I'm sorry".

I feel like she died.
She died to me.I know it shouldn't matter - and she wasn't "real",a woman from the net- but it sure feels real.Like I am mourning the death of someone in my life.

-- Finally, someone caught the person who she had posted pics of- the woman who's image I always thought was "her"-
the man she told us the story of falling in love with.They informed them of seeing their private pics-from someone posting as them.I feel terrible for them.Their wedding pics posted all over the net- their new life together being stolen and written into someone else's story- and now having to worry about identity theft at the very beginning of their relationship together.

It would seem they have found the mother of one of the children- but still hard to say if it is ,in fact ,the person who posted all the lies to begin with..
-- I feel so badly for the parents of those children whose images were stolen for years. It is one of my worst nightmares.
--more so now that I realize someone could, or would ,do such a thing- and someone who was given so much free access to my pictures and private information.
She has everything- everything- about me,about many of us.

Pics Rory took while I was refreshing message boards

So yes, that went on(is still) for the past few days- watching it all unfold slow motion on my laptop
-keeping me from tasks I should have been doing.
I think it really pissed Ri off saturday night when I wouldn't detach myself from the keyboard to do anything --
saturday & sunday I DID manage to take the time to feed the kid homemade pancakes- do some yoga-and get in a much needed shower.
-last night it bothered Ri as well ..because my brain , eyes and mind was soo bogged -I drank some tequila shots when he got home- and then PASSED OUT- after barely finishing dinner- even though he had to work in the morning- and I should have been watching Rory..she crashed out soon enough.

..but I assure you-
and its easily googleable-
That I am who I say I am- that thought alone is a big comfort to me on this big bad interweb-
If I am me, at least a few others must surely be themselves



ugh- the red just rinsed right out my hair and NO at home DIY dye has brought it back.
Note-the child laughing at me

Well, I threw together the left over mex food,and some collard greens in the crockpot for dinner.. and despite it all managed to give the bathroom the cleaning it soo desperately needed.I wanted to go out-but the rumbling "about to storm" sky stopped me,
Which PISSES me right off ,because it never actually rained.
Now to see if I can get this stinky kid clean- and the dishes before Ri gets home.


tata said...

Jesus. H. Christ. Whadda mess. Glad to have mostly missed it. FWIW, it did produce a fucking AWESOME pic of you and Rory - hilarity! I love it. Can I save it?! Seriously, love it, YO!

babyhellfire said...

absotivly tata - I very clearly thought of you as I took it :)

Thoughts and Things said...

Ah you are babyhellfire and we love you! Thank goodness for those we know who we can count on not to flake out on us! For the record, I can't keep track of what's going on on the boards. But, I am me and I'm pretty sure no one else is trying to be me anywhere!