" Better a witty fool than a foolish wit." William Shakespeare

Yeah, well I said I was thinking about changing my hair...
I am sure if you follow me anywhere else you already know.

It is CRAZY!!!!

Soo,so so weird!!





...but, You know What is really really weird??






That people actually fell for it!!!!! :


Almost APRIL FOOLS!

LOL! I seriously thought all of you would see past my weak Photoshopping skillz instantly!!

In fact, I was far far too scared to wait until actual April 1st, because I just knew no one would buy it!

Instead , people were telling me how amazing I looked. (Awwww! I love you guys)

Some of them my sweet sweet my relatives.. and I feel really bad for pranking you. But , I just couldn't resist.

My fav was my sis calling - all worried like "What Happened!" - (and I knew she meant the hair pic, and that she LOVES short hair- but wanted to be supportive in case I was upset about it, Awwww) I seriously thought Lissy would be the 1st nonbeliever.

Or my MIL , and friend Tata calling SHOCKED- and giggling manically with me when I told them.
Special thanks to all those folks I DID spill to who kept quiet!


Sooo sorry everyone else! Please forgive me!

Well, I am thinking about dying a few of the individual locks and changing some stuff. I want to play with having dreadlocks a bit more before I get rid of them...
but, I have seriously considered cutting them, and I might if the weight and heat of them gets as overbearing this summer as it did last summer.

In the end a good experiment- if only to see how it would go over to have such short hair, because I am sure I will one day.
I can only hope my face doesn't look TOO fat without my hair to hide under
..and believe me, if I do cut them it will go straight to Youtube


but for now. They stay

. And I loves them.

and I loves All of you!!

Did any of you have a clue?

How mad are you?
Do you love the short hair more than the dreads ,for that matter?

Comment below ,let me know!


PEACE AND RUBBER TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

Of this , that , and the other

Oh, there I am.
Hey, now- it is spring break ..
Days of blogging are slipping away from me.
Mini pic and vid recap.. I still owe you pics from last week.







(oh.. since that pic, I trimmed her hair, even gave her some lng side bangs things)

Soo.
Anyway.
Rory's spring break started out not so great.
She got sick Tuesday night, and we took her to the Dr Wednesday ( and because Florida Medicaid is a superfun paperwork nightmare ) .. I ended up having mom drive me out to her old ped an hour away instead of going to her next to last day of school.
All for the dr to tell us it was probably just a tummy bug.Poor kiddo.
Also , got to talk to the dr about the resilient stye Rory has, and get her some eyegoop. So that was good.

The next day was field day- and the doc said as long as she was holding down food still she should be good to go...
When I woke her up and got dressed ( to go with her because I had volunteered to help with field day that mornin') she was REALLY tired.
She seemed fine otherwise, and ate breakfast and got ready and everything- but just kept telling me she was sleepy (considering she had spent all of Tuesday up puking I was tired too)
..but I told her we would go , if only for a little bit- and I would be there with her if she needed me , We could just go in check out FD, hand in her homework , and we could leave early if she needed to. I really figured she would perk up once she saw all her friends..
Then, made the mistake of NOT staying with her in class and going to help on the field -- helping the PE coach with an activity ( Sidenote : Do you remember the parachute game where you lift it up and all go under it like a big mushroom.. yeah I ended up on that one. lol I used to LOVE when we did that in PE) .
... The WHOLE time I knew I should have went to her class instead of the field , and most of the other parents had. Rory didn't even stick it out an hour before another mom had to tell me she was too tired, and didn't feel well-- and I ended up taking her home.
I felt really guilty.. Like I had forced her to go sick, or something. :( I really just thought she would perk up, and worse case scenario I could take her home, I guess i didn't expect her to feel so bad still, she even ran a slight fever ( though all her food stayed down and she has felt much better).
Ah well , I guess,
at least she got to see her classmates for a few minutes, got to check out some of FD , and turn in her homework before spring break.

In other news.
Ri got a surf board, and a new job!
Well, those aren't really related but that is Ri news. One of his friends is moving to Hawaii and offered him a really awesome deal on his long board.
and the factory Ri applied at months ago started calling Ri back about a job there.
So.. he has spent every decent morning before work on the beach with Steve
... but this morning (which was cold and wet anyway) at orientation. The place pays better than the Seafood Dept for sure, and claims to have AMAZING health benefits and perks-but Ri isn't letting go of his seafood job just yet, and signed up for graveyard shift at the factory for now, we will see how it all works out.


My sis Lissy's Hubby Boo (or should I say my BroInLaw Boo? - whatever is easier to remember, ok) lol he is down for the week. Celebrating Nico's SECOND BIRTHDAY - can you believe it???
.. Honestly, I can - he seems soo much bigger than that.

Mom & Amy came over on the Saturday with Amy and Allura, we were going to go to the beach.. but the guys had just got back - it was the 1st weekend of spring break- we weren't going to drag the kids out to a beach THAT crowded.
We ended up just letting the girls play outside in the hose. Allura loved it more than we thought she would.

Rory loved it soo much she did it Sunday too;





Good though.. that yard was pretty dry lol.
She wanted to do it again yesterday, but it was raining. and today it was cold :(
bummer.
Instead, she helped me clean the house all day... mostly in hopes of gathering all the loose change she can, she has decided she is saving up for a Lalaloopsy Doll.

Oh, that poor dog in the vid- Noobs got TWO baths last week , one for the fleas she suddenly had , one for rolling her clean self in catpoo (WTH)-- and neither put a dent in the fleas.. so we ordered more of the advantage meds , which helped- but its been a few days,and she still seems to have fleas! ... and I still feel the need to wash vac everything for fear of some freakish infestation. Poor dog has never really had fleas - the advantix stuff has always worked for us, I don't know if it is the stray cats out here or what...but she is soo whiny about it.


We spent Saturday night playing board games with Jess, Steve, and Jay. Jess has been working on board games to help her language arts class study with - and Jay had some banana word game he had been trying to get us to play. Wine or sweet tea, and BananaGrams at midnight -ended up being pretty fun. We are all big nerds.


As for me- and my ever foul state of mind. I have been trying to beat off the funk with exercise , which seems to be helping, save for the pulled muscles, that does suck.
I should get an iphone of my very own soon thanks to a MUCH MUCH overdue upgrade from At&t. that'll be nice. Hell,at this point I just want it so I can sit out back listening to the smodcast while I smoke and stalk facebook
(Does anyone else listen to PlusOne ? ... oh my my love of radio type shows is becoming renewed, I am so going to save up for a "The Fishies have no eyes" shirt ... I'll have to fight the kid for the loose change.) Maybe I will even blog/vlog and all that more?


I guess, I am doing alright. Things are looking up a little. I still don't feel like I know my place in the world around me.
I guess, I am learning to just kick back and observe it , if that is my place. TV is always interesting.. or not.
Thinking about changing my hair, maybe bleaching some individual locks , darkening others.. Ri doesn't seem convinced by this scheme, maybe I'll do something different.bored.
Sorry.
I am OH so interesting.

Well, as always, I am sure there is more..
but I need to go -
I MUST turn the tv off and force the kid to somehow sleep before she completely loses the ability to wake up at dawn ...Monday (our return to the grind) is sneaking up way too soon.

PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

Swingsets and somersault

I've screwed up Friday.
It's been over a week now.. didn't even share last Fridays bit of week(Weak) in a minute--
So there is that.
Still been pretty down.but. Things are still going, we are all still alive, so what can I complain about?
I do have some things to tell ya and some stuff going on..
but
I'm just going to leave this here for now--
I do feel a bit bloggish- so maybe with Spring break upon us I will get back to you shortly.
One more thing in case you didn't see it anywhere else yet :
PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

Well we survived another week! That's great news,right?
Here's the week in a minute :



(and a half for bonus music class cuteness)

We got off to a rough start Monday- with me forgetting the kid's backpack and her being a little late. ...but I managed to bring it in along with the snack she wanted to bring in.

I think the cold finally headed out- but it left a wicked allergy cough. Only really bad when trying to sleep. I haven't slept all week without the help of Dr.Benadryl. Also been super foggy sleepy from it.

Tuesday, I was in an all right mood.I even rode the bike all over - Rode Rory to school, ran the dog then rode the bike back to help out in class...Though I purposefully hung out with Ri-- instead of meeting her for lunch. Luckily too- the little bit I saw of the lunch room was WAY louder than normal.
A few of the week nights Ri made us fish-we had some yummy blackened fish&grits and some tacos another night.

Wednesday I woke up with HORRIBLE charlie-horse leg cramps on BOTH calves! Stupid Charlie Sheen jokes.
I stretched and was still able to get her off to school-and get dressed up and bike back to the school with Ri to see Rory's music class:



(Yes.. I let my kid wear flower printed shirt,plaid shorts and pink cowgirl boots.. what's it to ya?)

London Bridge was super cute - they asked all of us parents to come out and make lots of bridges. Some of her classmates are REALLY into music class- and their music teacher is super cool and does lots of cute things with them.

I wish I would've got some more/better pictures.
We were so tired after that we came home and fell asleep on the floor! I swear I have slept more on the floor of this house more than any house I ever have before. They are soo oddly uneven it makes my spine stretch just right..and I fall asleep lol.
Rory almost always comes home tired and crashes on Wednesday. She doesn't get a naptime and it throws her whole day off.
Ri made us some awesome early dinner,,but we had to wake Rory up to get her to eat a little. - and we stayed up a little late chatting with Jess and Steve.
.....
The Memory of the evil double dose of charlie -horses was not forgotten , it turned into full pulled muscles by Thursday morning , so bad I could barely walk.
Thank goodness Ri took her to school that morning.. but amazingly, the bike was the only time my legs didn't ache.
- Thursday and Friday it rained and the temp DROPPED.. The rain made us all sorts of tired, a bit grumpy. Ri took the kid off to school, and we ended up sleeping until it was time for him to go to work, and me to go pick her back up!

and the kid was in a grumptastic mood tantruming about everything. i don't think she had had enough to eat at lunch .. but beyond that she was in a mood on both Thursday afternoon and Friday morn- So much that she lost a bunch of privileges (tv time, toys out, I even made her wear jeans as she lost the choice of appropriate clothing options during a fit).
(it did NOT help that at that time my legs were useless swollen bruised muscles)
Thursday night ,I braided her hair, thinking I would take it out and let her wear it crimped.. instead she only let me braid a little over half her head, and she KEPT those braids in and wore her hair that was to school Friday LOL, one thing is for sure she has her own distinct style.

Upset about losing all of her privileges she came home Friday afternoon determined to make up for it. She cleaned her room and helped me clean up the house a little(and thank goodness I could hobble around again the mess was driving me crazy). So as a reward I let her play with the neighbor-girl for a bit , AND I took her to the schools movie night.
She was soo worried she wouldn't get to go to movie night, or shopping with Ri on Saturday she was extra determined to do everything she needed to.
...and well, I wanted to take her because 1dollar slice of pizza is pretty good for dinner. lol-

.. Sorry, I didn't get around to blogging Friday, or yesterday.
Saturday Ri was off work again , so Steve and Jess came over. Jess brought Rory a whole bunch of Dr.Seuss books to borrow- ( they are doing a contest , you get your name on a fish in the hallway if you read a whole list of Dr.Seuss book. )

And Steve came over with some tools to help Ri build a gate..!!!
Which means our yard is now completely fenced in!! (All the neighbors have fenced yards.. we just needed a gate )
Noobs is thrilled. She's been rolling around the yard without her harness on, and got to chase FeistyCat(the stray that hangs around the neighborhood) out of her yard.
For the most part,she just sits there. Poor Rory tries to throw the ball for her
....and
bum.

I love the bum. She needs a bath.
her feet smell like Doritos. Fur..surprisingly smells a bit like a musty fur coat.(tufts of fur -winter coat- fall out very similarly too. ).

I've still been sorta in and out of feeling down. Frustrated with the way things are for sure.
But we are doing all right. Far far far from great. but getting better. Hopefully just a step away from handling things better.
..and ya know, everyone has been singing the same tune lately-- there are some crazy insane scary horrible things going on all over the world.. and my trivial little day to day seem so insignificant.

Ummm.. I'm sure there is more. Any more updates I am missing? Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers for Dad surgery went well and he has the all clear- but they want him to quit smoking for fear he may get cancer again.

Anything else? what am I forgetting?
Oh- Rory read a few of the Dr.Seuss books TO ME! I can't believe she is doing so well. Her weekly writing assignments and nightly reading gets better and better it is amazing.
happy birthday to , my Bro in law... and who ever else was born around spring forward time.

I'm gonna run now.. that horribly bad addictive terrible show about sister wives is coming on.. and I'm gonna watch it in my room with my laundry pile while rory watches some horrible talking dog movie before bed.
.. I should probably shower sometimes soon too.

PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE
BABYHELLFIRE

May it all be better Tomorrow.

Wow! This picture is from seven years ago, today!
....er.
um, yesterday at this hour (shush, I have a real life ya know.. or not- but I'm lazy)

Yup, it is our wedding anniversary. I guess a pretty big deal :
"For the seventh anniversary, traditional materials are copper and wool and the modern materials are brass and desk sets. " --better go out and get a desk set.
I sent Ri this picture
I guess he got me a new bike seat (Mine broke.-sadface- )

I always viewed the day we started dating as a bit more important in the grand scheme.. I mean, it is how long we have been together, Which will be 12 years the end of May!
...We are so old.
I'm starting to feel old.
it's depressing.
Well, before I get all depressing and whiny-

CLIPS FROM THE WEEK!!!:


I don't know when Rory started talking like a valley girl.. but it cracks me up.

We had a sorta busy week of doing not much of anything. Rory played with the neighbor girl every chance she got. They are really cute playing together and her parents seem really sweet.

I've spent most the week sick still. better one minute and immobiley cough-tastic the next. The beginning of the week started good at least...

I was feeling much better Tuesday- I took some ibuprofen and went to her class to help( I debated it I really wasn't sure if I would be well enough..but I was feeling much better , and Rory was feeling clingy that morning). Helping in her class is always great.. slightly stressful and overwhelming, but so cool to see what they are up to and how much she is learning. Her group likes to finish their work so they can practice their math (For FUN?! ) on the back of the paper. They think they are sooo big adding by 100s.

Rory spent a bit of the afternoon at the neighbor girls house. She braided Rory's hair and they played with zhu-zhu pets. I can't tell you how thrilled she is to have a girl to play with.
She still plays with the boys right next door tho- I found myself suddenly wishing for the time change- as they played flashlight tag at 7:30 . I can't wait until I have a valid excuse(bedtime!),
besides "it's dark" to make her come in for the night.

Wednesday I was feeling gross sick though, took some benadryl and propped myself up in bed and slept the ENTIRE time Rory was in school. I guess I needed it. I still felt a bit groggy and had a stupid cough.

Lissy asked me to babysit Nico for her on Thursday- his Nana usually watches him, but she was sick. I was feeling better at the time so I told her I would be happy too.

Rory was thrilled to see him on the couch in the morning as she got ready for school:

but she couldn't get him to wake up for her before school


He slept until 10, and was a little bummed she wasn't here when he woke up. but eventually he played and hung out with us.
Ri was home from work, but he spent most the afternoon grocery shopping.
Lissy got back from class before Rory even got out of school, but she stayed and picked Rory up from school with me ,so Nico could hang out with her for a minute.

Ri brought Rory home a special present from the store.
She has been BEGGING for cowgirl boots claiming "All the girls in class have them!" ( i know that isn't true) .. but we hadn't been able to find them affordable in her size.
..Ri found them on sale in her size..
She was thrilled. I have not been able to get them off of her all weekend.

She picked out her outfit to match her boots on Friday:


... I really tried to get her to wear a skirt with her boots..but nooooo,
all she wants to wear lately is shorts. Shorts and tanktops, or shirts.
The weather has been decent for it , at least.

I had a headache Friday and the cough/mucous brain ache was back full swing trying to destroy me, my sleep , my well being..
I was happy to let her play with Neighbor-girl for a little while after school instead of stomping all over the house like an angry 300 lb cowboy ,in her beloved cowgirl boots.

Mom came over on Saturday with Amy, Lissy and the babies. Mom cooked us tons of food , pasta , pie , fruit salad , soda...
and the kids ran all over the house.
Mom brought Rory a box of sidewalk chalk which she has been glued to all weekend.
It was a nice anniversary present, dinner was all ready in the fridge when Ri got home , and I didn't have to do much at all .
..Then , despite being freakishly tired I stayed up late playing scrabble with Jess while the guys had a bike ride.



Sunday/today? I had a super chill day cleaning a bit- being WAY tired with the benydryl I took for the cough.

My online BFF tata ( I met her IRL once, so she is totally not just imaginary ;) )
Well, she was busy getting famous - counter protesting the Westboro Baptist crazies who came to her town in KY to protest in front of a Catholic church.

She looks super cute in the pic-so I hope she doesn't mind me snatchin it from her FB to share here. I'm just proud to know her :)



Well anyway.
I should go for I start venting about my depressing state of being and bring you all down.
... I think my body hates me.

My skin,and GI system has been on revolt for as long as I can remember,
now it feels like all the rest of me is fighting against me. it's crap... and I think it is magnified by my depressed state of mind. I just don't have it in me to fight .
Failure after failure after failure.
seeee.
I don't need to go there.

Tomorrow will be fine.
Gotta make the kids lunch, get her ready for school, and bring a bunch of her fav popsicles into class for snack time

I just want a miracle,
or a blessing,
I want everything to be better.
May it all be better Tomorrow.

PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

Weekin-Weekout

Sooo.
I did recover from the recovering of crampy mucous gut shark-week I mentioned in my last post..
but I am still sick. or sick again - or something. Fevers decided to return all vengeful and sweaty.. I'd bitch about it more but it seems I am in the same boat as everyone. Dontcha love the change of the seasons??
Buy me some nyquil.

I really don't feel like posting anything (hence it being Monday and not Friday)
.. but here is the week in a minute vid




and some pictures:





Mom bought Rory and Lory matching outfits- and Rory was stoked even their shoes matched.










We went to the over priced cathedral fest with money we didn't really have- but the time out was nice. Rory had a blast and I needed that.
Rory has been playing a lot with the neighbor kids ,and still loving school.Luckily her immune system seems to be way stronger than mine.

Ri has been doing really well at his new job- he seems to like it.

... me?
well, things have been better.
things have been worse.
it's hard to not let it all bring me down.. and well, I've been down..
it's all pretty crap tho.
lets hope it improves. starting with this dumb sick shaking off.
I gotta go pick up the kid.
Maybe I will feel more bloggy soon

PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome. ~Anne Brad

Oh, hi again.
I am still battling a horribly inflated painful crampy gut- and this feeling I should be doing a dozen other things than writing ..

But, I DO have some updates for those interested
We've had a pretty alright week- things still aren't great- and I don't know if they ever will be.
Alright isn't bad though, and that is something.

Ri is doing well at his new job - he has been working A LOT actually.. the guy he was training to replace decided he was going to go ahead and quit now instead of in the week or two he was expected to.. So Ri even worked a double on Valentine's Day/night- all most all by himself AND it was crazy busy.
(I haven't heard anything else from them as far as me working there. )

Yeah, Valentines was cute for Rory I guess, she came home with cute hearts and card and candy. I felt bad letting her take in the SpongeBob dipNstick candy valentines... but she came home with four more of them from her classmates.

I did help in her class on Tuesday - They had a substitute teacher all week, who calls HERSELF Mrs.Picky- I had heard a bit about her from the other parents and was nervous about seeing how different the vibe would be with her in there . She was a little strict about noise levels and neatness- but otherwise I thought she was a really sweet old lady. Rory seemed to do ok with her (but says she can't wait for her teacher to be back) .

The weather has been SUPER nice and weirdly suddenly Springy -Which is extra good with Ri working and me having to get the kid. It did sprinkle on us a little one afternoon..but not bad.
The other days we stopped by the playground a few times on the way home:






- My Dad had surgery this week to remove a mass from his bladder. Still no news on whether it was cancerous , but he is home and starting to move around and stuff. Grumpy about it but doing ok.



I am so tired of everything being just "ok" it has to get better.I feel like everything is that way. it's like "Well, that sucks but it could('ve) be worse" and I move on.
but,
How many sucky almost shitty situations do I get to count that way before I feel less guilty for bitching about about things being ok?
I want things to be great. i want to say I am having an awesome day,and mean it again.

It doesn't help that I caught that STUPID cold bug that i was in the clear of. The kid and Ri had it weeks ago, I was thinking I was safe.Then , once i started to feel better in my head- it moved to mu chest and made it crap to sleep...
and now that it is a bit clearer in my chest it is in my gut along with a raging angry on coming SharkWeek.
Wahwahwah. Someone Call me the wahmbulance.
I'm whiny as hell.

Yesterday was nice- (Besides the HORRIBLE STOMACH ACHE), Rory spent most the morn taking pics of her toys:





Then the neighbor girl came over- They scooped up a playset and sat in the other neighbor's front yard- So that neighborgirl could watch her big brother play basketball from that yard( I know the one boy is that neighbor's cousin and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't mind two girls playing in their front yard), and I could watch them from the window. I AM loving this neighborhood more and more everyday.

Well, Ri just got home-and made us pizza. We are gonna grub and then he is gonna go on a bike ride with Jay ( and maybe Steve) .


I'll catch up with ya next week or something.
PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

HulaHoops, petting zoo, and My Little Pony

Woohoo it's Friday night! (or Saturday Morn at this hour)
feels like it is already Saturday, because Rory had the day off of school-
but here are some clips from the week:



I would blog more for you but I am feeling really stomach sick tonight, just wanted to get this vid up.

I will try to post a catch up with pics over the weekend.
For now, I am crawling into bed.
PEACE TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

Even after all

I'm late- but I have an excuse.
I was sick.
No, I don't have a dr's note take my word,
or I shall cough at you!


Clips of the week:



Mostly Friday afternoon .
..Um..
yeah,
I've been hardcore slacking.

Man, Seriously Friday i was SICK. Like fevers runny nose, whiney crybaby ass sleep ALL NIGHT sick.
..Then our weekend was hella busy AND I went to bed way early to get rid of the sick.

But. I should rewind before moving forward.
There has been a little more drama with Amy but she is home now and last I heard doing well.. I honestly haven't heard much from them.
We continued on with the hustle. Trying to get a job where we could get it.

Ri applied with one of Rory's classmate's Dads (at a restraunt downtown) - then heard more back from WD and went in for more interviews and a drug test.

Thursday night was open house- but it was pretty much In&Out. Rory proudly showed Ri all around her classroom. The teacher told us again how well Rory is progressing in reading and writing.

Friday morn, when I woke up feeling weepy (and later realizing the weepy was THE Evil Fever of the Damneded Head Cold ).
We had a momentarily worse moment when the Grocery store Ri had been trying so hard to get the job at, called to tell him they couldn't clear him. WTH!?!?!? he has NO background and there is no way he didn't pass the drug tests? HOW?!
So now I was panicked worse.
And crying.
and running a fever.
and I think I might have prayed..
to something, or any and all things I could think of.

... and then the store manager called back saying it was a glitch in the computer, he IS clear for hire- and he should come in fill out some more paperwork.

Way to freak me out!

I had to call the awesome woman from the farmers market to tell her Ri started his new job , so I couldn't help her this Saturday.
But she still hadn't paid me so I agreed to stop by the Farmers Market with the kid and meet her instead :)

Rory loved that idea,
plus, she still had some birthday money.

Somehow I didn't take my cam out until we were back home from the market.
Rory was so awesome though, and fell DEEPLY in love with these hula hoops...and took right to it with this weighted one. So I let her spend her money on it:
..Plus ,we bought fancy donuts, and an organic popsicle.
Should go more often.. maybe when we aren't broke.
Ri's mom stopped in for a bit and chatted .
Then, before it was even dark I took a benadryl and went to bed.. and slept pretty much all night.
(I did wake up around 1am to troll the net and eat before going back to bed).

Ri had spent that Saturday morn in orientation and started actual work today..
Rory and I had stuff to do this morning anyway-

She was invited to a birthday party. I had no idea her classmate buddy lived So close- we rode our bikes!The weather was really nice.

LOTS of people there. Rory saw almost all of her classmates.
And Pony rides

The birthday girl said they were having a race-but her Zebra/horse clearly had the advantage :)


Petting Zoo
Rory loved the goats and the bunnies- but was a little freaked out by the birds

Really,(and surprisingly) she just wanted to play basketball in the bounce house the whole time
Or ride the horse,
I mean zebra


pinata .. why do kids love dangerous activities so?
She promptly sat next to her fav boy from class to eat her cake-
and to trade items in their goodie bags
She says HE likes her, but I often wonder if it is the other way around...
and desperately miss the days when boys were still icky.
She is only 6.

I will say- and talking with the other parents today they seem to think the same- for the most part the kids in their class get along amazingly well. it is a small class and they really all seem to fit well together,and be little sweethearts :)
I'm sure it doesn't hurt that they have an awesome teacher.

Other than that- she has been hulahooping her little booty off all weekend. She did spend some time chasing the neighbor boys around for a bit.
While I beat back the cough that tried to follow that Friday fever,and filled out the online app for a job I had years ago-weirdness-


Well, Ri works again in the morn- which has me on the bike at 8am in the 50deg weather- plus I gotta get Rory's Valentine's Day stuff together. So I'm outta here like last year.Probably leaving stuff out- but maybe next time.
or ask me in the comments.

Speaking of Valentines Day
I made Ri a Valentine:


yea forget hearts and stuff-
Brains!
that's real love.

PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

"We've seen bottom. We can only go up from here."

Soo sorry! So late and soo much to share.
First things 1st the Friday Vid.


We sent out open invites for our close friends and family to feel free to stop in and visit Sunday
- no real time constraint no solid plans party stuff, just come visit. Ri's Dad brought pizza, and my mom brought sandwich stuff.

Quite a few people stopped in, mostly family- she had a really great time and loved every little thing everyone got her. and just getting to see everyone. :) I can't thank everyone enough for the birthday wishes ,visits and gifts. :)

It was sort of chaotic and hectic as well, of course.

I am sorry- I have put off this post so long now , I feel soo behind I am having trouble focusing.
I can't believe my little baby is 6 years old SIX is such a KID age. She even seems like such a big kid now.

Back to updates and catch -ups. The week felt like a huge hustle. Calling this place or that , asking around applying at places all over again since February had started.
Monday morning(LAST Monday morning now)
I watched Nico while Lissy went off to school. was a lot more fun than I thought it would be . He is a cute kid to have around, and slept most of the afternoon anyway.
Lissy's mother In law wants to watch him now, and Lissy would rather leave my schedule open if I need to find work - So ,I guess it won't be a regular thing for me to watch him. Tuesday I helped in the class again- that went well, but I had a sort of grumpy day all around Tuesday (coffee maker broke, Ri was grumpy/nervous and everything that could go wrong DID) , and was beyond exhausted,and frustrated by the end of it.

Wednesday morning after sending Rory off to school Ri went for an interview at the grocery chain I used to work at.-even though it is a different store it is somehow a WHOLE bunch of the same exact people I used to work with. They can't offer him much but they seem eager to have him.....
..and me if I would be willing to come back.
It look promising, he had another longer interview today with the mgr of the dept.. Looks like Ri is going to be trained by two kids I practically trained to do stock years ago. LOL.

Which sounds pretty awesome. In other awesome news we got our tax return , which should help us coast through this months bills on the NO INCOME we have right now. Ri spent a tiny bit of the money on the cheapest of tv stands to put the big tv(from Steve &Jess) on - We may even sell the tiny one from the livingroom = double win..Ri also found a dirt cheap french press for me. Since I apperently struggle to opperate any electronic coffee maker we are bringing it back old school. Steve even took Ri out to get some much needed groceries with our bit of money..

But,we had also filled for unenployment, food stamps the works..and got IT ALL.lol.Good thing we spent money on groceries the day before.
It is all frustratingly joyous. Like, good things are happening now,it is getting better... but only because it is so bad.We've hit bottom and can only go up from here. Which is sort of depressing in its own right.


Oh- and I got a job. The awesome woman from Rory's school called again, and got me in touch with her friend that runs the farmers market(who I had a surprisingly cool phone convo with)- and she gave me a job on Saturday putting up the signs and helping with the crazy parking situation.I was soo nervous Thursday and Friday I thought I would explode.

Saturday I got up before sunrise to ride my bike to the farmers market,- I met the guy , put out signs- then I had time to kill until the crowd started pulling in, and actually got to walk around the booths looking at all the cool things for sale.
- The rest of the day was a blur of people in the parking lot ignoring me, feeling useless- it was cloudy and gloomy at 1st and there wasn't a lot for me to do - but point out spots ,and help a few people to their car.
it did get busier though- I ended up realizing some people are so desperate for a spot on the front row they will wait and entire 20 minutes for an old woman to walk to her car..
that I should have worn different shoes,
and the obvious- the 2nd and 3rd lane of parking are actually MUCH closer to the actual market than the spaces on the front lane and by the gate that everyone fights to park in..
..then I had to take the signs down again and head home. I can't even explain how sore and tired I was,
Still, a pretty neat way to spend a Saturday morning.

I napped for awhile when I got home, Ri made me a yummy lunch and fresh coffee-
then we all stayed up a bit late. I played scrabble with Jess, while Steve , Jay and Ri played video games on the huge tv.

...Needless to say Superbowl Sunday was spent doing as much of nothing as we were capable of.
(neither of us are be football fans).
I enjoyed every minute of my day of rest. and of my freakishly long bath.


Rory had a LONG bath too, with her mermaid toy, and somehow I talked her into pincurling her hair before bed..

I didn't manage to get her to let me brush it down into waves- so instead she went to school with the FULL curls the morning:


It rained cats and dogs all day- by the time she got home from school her hair was damp and in super cute beachy waves.
She has been doing so great in school, I am sort of astounded by how she is starting to read and write. If only she would stop bringing home so many germs, she has spent at least the last week coughing in her sleep... and one night she crawled into bed with us because she had a nightmare that her eyeballs fell out from it! poor baby!

Well, I am sure there is much more.. but I have to get to bed so i can make Rory's lunch in the morning and get ready to help in her classroom again.
I know it is terrible when I wait soo long to blog and have this huge wealth of things I wanted to share but forget half of it.

Remind me of this on Friday.
for now, Ri isn't feeling well (darn school germs) and I am going to go cuddle him.

PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

Week in a min- and getting ready for a Six year old

HEY! Friday vlog post- there you are... it's only Saturday night. Cut me a break.
I have been sort of hiding out from the internet..
I would like to claim I have been hermit-ed away socially all together as well, but that's a lie.
Real life has had me ,SO, so socially done in the past week.

Rory told her teacher Ri lost his job- teacher told the woman who runs a program in the school for community outreach.
Telling me they could get Rory clothes and help us in anyway they can. Which was super sweet.. but did make me regret letting her wear my jacket and her oversize skirt to school that day,Dude she HAS clothes... I hardly ever have to buy her clothes because we have soo many relatives that love to do so. The woman from the school was very helpful,though, in looking for jobs with me, so I am still grateful that they have been there for us. I have called a few part time places with her help and Ri has had a few other places to put in apps....
...Unfortunately, nothing but a higher than avg dose of social anxiety has come of our efforts.

Ri still doesn't have a job. there were a few places that said to try back in FEB so we are just waiting it out..
This years tax return is going to getting us through the month. We are down to nothing- but the timing is decent for that at least.

With the exception of Rory's birthday coming when we are soo broke. We scraped up enough to get her a few things. Cleaned up the house and decided we would just sort of have an open house birthday gathering - inviting anyone that wants to stop in tomorrow afternoon. Our relatives have all chipped in to get us food , and supplies. Thank goodness.

I joined Lissy for a a trip to the hospital to visit Amy -- which was all sorts of stressful and awkward.Amy did seem almost herself though.
She IS out , and seemingly back to normal and home now.I guess that is good news?

Helped out in Rory's class again Tuesday and that went well. Rory is doing really awesomely in class- she got her report card and is doing great in everything. She is starting to read on her own - she gets really excited when she sees a sign or a label with a word she knows.

Mel stopped in with the kids a few times- and Lissy took me shopping to get a few things for Rory's party.
Jess & Steve have hung out a few nights- we played scrabble while the boys rode bikes ( Mwhaha ,My winning streak continues!) .

Welll- I am sure there is more- but HOPEFULLY, I will get back to you soon with updates about Rory's Party and turning in to a BIG SIX YEAR OLD KID-
If you want here are some links to her last few BDay posts :

Rory is Five!


Rory is FOUR!

-the 2nd one is full of Baby pics and memories too <3


If you live nearby you are welcome to stop in - Gimme a call ,
wish the kid happy birthday- or just post it here.
I can't thank you enough for the support and love. Rory's birthday will be small- but she knows she is loved and that people care, even though it has been a tough time for soo many of us.

PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

A min from our week-Vlog

A little late- and I didn't film much.AT ALL.
It has been a rough week, I almost didn't do a vid at all but I wanted to stick with it.

Rory has some stuff nose thing going on and was home all day being WILD yesterday ,as well -but she is in good spirits.
I still haven't planned or figured out much for her birthday- but I have had people offer support to just visit and be here for us, and help her have at least a good day that day.So much is up in the air about what we will be doing from one day to the next I am not sure I am ready to plan as far ahead as Sunday yet.I am sure it will be ok. We will do something small and we will know we are loved and hopefully she will understand, have fun with it and be ok with that.

Ri has done a few things here and there- and applied everywhere. Hopefully things will improve drastically soon.

Still not much news on Amy, but that she is staying in the psych ward.


Hopefully I will have more updates- and GOOD ones next time
for now- thank you all SOOOOO SOOO MUCH for your support and love.
It really means soo much to me. We are really blessed by the people in our lives.


PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

Of Idioms and Sadness

I have had this post open for days .. but I don't know what to write,or how to write it all.
Helpless seems like an understatement for how I feel lately.

I have been going over the things I wrote in my last post- that I feel got misunderstood.
It won't help anything, and it doesn't matter .. but I have been mulling things over more.

Thing is, I AM a very emotional person-there is no denying that, I always have been.
I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve,and I write this blog from the same place.
It is my outlet , for it all- the place I use rambles to express those feelings, seek out others who maybe, understand
- but mostly just for me to process.. and that is what it always has been.

Unfortunately, emotions don't always translate well to words and leaving all of that exposed opens me up to a lot more possible hurt-...but it also helps me in many ways just to get it out.
I don't mean for my posts to be venting, bitching, word vomit- And I DO NOT mean to hurt anyone else with them, I often leave out specifics, I leave out peoples names,places , details- and just leave behind the feelings I have.
My bloggiest rambly blog posts are usually about me- and if you pay attention the main person I insult and judge is myself.

In my last post there was a specific indecent that hurt us, and maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it..but I did. It hurt us and it should be no surprise that it did ,
I didn't say what it was about- it wasn't important at the time.. it was more about the other feelings that it brought about.

It was a realization that Ri & I tend to give much of ourselves to other people. We may be bitter , sometimes ,people hating , judgmental, assholes about humanity in general
- but when either of us get to know someone we tend to love them unquestioningly, unconditionally and generously of ourselves.
Sometimes, only to find they can somehow think less of us than we ever could of them.
I said "in the past year"..but upon further reflection I realize it is something I have mentioned many times here, a behavior I have probably repeated my whole life... and I know Ri has as well.

Maybe, it is a mistake to put people on such high pedestals.Maybe, it is a mistake to love soo easily and openheartedly. Maybe, it is a mistake to carry my heart on my sleeve and expose my emotions.
..but it is who I am,and who Ri is. It is one of the many reasons I love Ri so deeply.
It HAS hurt me in the past, and at this rate probably will again- but I can't seem to convince myself it would be better to become bitter and stop trusting and loving other people.
I still have a tremendous amount of love for people in my life(probably more than most are aware)- even if it isn't always reciprocated the way I expect.


--Anyway.
Everything is pretty horrible right now.
I guess, against perhaps better judgment - and since I have nothing more to lose,
I will let slip the hurt Friday was from an issue at his work. They thought he was(AND HAD BEEN!) stealing from them, AND then lying when they asked ,and he said he didn't know where 5 missing Styrofoam togo boxes went. He told them pointblank he would NEVER steal from them,but he didn't know where 5 boxes could have went.
It shook our world.
Ri LOVED his job. He was HAPPY to get up and go to work. He considered the owners/employers close friends. They had given us so much ,helped us so much,and taken so much care of us in rough times. Things felt perfect- and our future plans all included this job and them ,
because of that we were able to feel comfortable enough to move out here(risking our car and our credit- to pay more in rent) to put Rory in the school we wanted her to go to, and move to a community we were HAPPY for her to grow up in.It was a dream come true!
..and they seriously thought,NO, BELIEVED he would put all of that at risk : friendship, community , basically our life - for what ? to nickle and dime them? The people we were hugely grateful to ,the job he had based his life around for two years?
It was unfathomable- and we were hurt.
...they tried to work with Ri. it was uncomfortable at best- and he was very upset thinking they thought that of him.Then, they read my blogpost revealing my hurt and fired him for it.

At first I felt bed, but I chose my words on the matter very carefully- and it WASN'T just about them hurting us..
In the end really, I don't think it mattered. It already felt as though they were waiting for some excuse to fire him.It would never be ok again.

We had built everything we have here on that job.We have nothing else.

Right now , we don't know what we will do. We don't know how we can stay here ,and we don't know where we can go.
Ri has spent every day since looking for work.-It is slow season here and slower than normal this year with the weather and we haven't found anywhere that is hiring.At best a few that were pissed off they were too overstaffed to hire him.

Everything is a reminder about what we gave up to come here-and what we are losing if we can't stay.Everything we had planned for our future here feels ripped from us.

Basically we are screwed and devastated. I have barely stopped crying in days.Ri has cried more than he probably wants me to confess here. I think the only reason we are making it through each day is that the range of emotions from angry, or distant, to depressed has not aligned in either of us at the same time. When one of us is angry and spewing curse words the other is suicidal.
We've tried to stay somewhat composed with Rory- but it didn't work and she has seen us both cry. We had to sit her down and explain that Dad lost his job and that we weren't sure what was going to happen.

She has been all abuzz because her birthday is the 30th ..and while I keep reminded her that we will probably do something small like go play putt-putt just the three of us, she doesn't seem to get that we can't invite everyone over for cake and ice cream. She spent her long weekend making little cards and party hats- that I said she could give out, but reminded her once again we weren't really going to have a party.
This morning she was in such a cheerful mood that I rode her to school calm and cool
--but on the way back stopped and sat on the water in between and just really cried for a minute.(and came home and laid in bed for hours doing the same while she wasn't here to hear me )
I don't have the words to describe feeling not good enough for your own child.
part of me just wants to sell everything we own and give up,on everything

I guess for the same reason I can't let being hurt make me bitter I can't let this beat us.We'll probably keep struggling until we find away - but it is hard to ignore the pain and fear talking.

Our friends have been really supportive, and I am unspeakably thankful for so many people just being around.. but there isn't much anyone can do. It is a hard time for most everyone.

I am sure there is much more I am leaving out- but I am just to drained to think of more.If you read all of this I really appreciate it.and I'm sorry.
I haven't really filmed much- but hopefully I will and will at least have a minute for you Friday.If not I'm sorry in advance.

To top it off
- my baby sis just got put in hospital for some sort of psychosis she has been speaking in some sort of word salad ,and acting out of sorts for days.

Please just send lots of prayers, or positive energy , luck, or something.

anything

PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” -Mother Teresa

LATE!
Friday Week Catch up :



but a bonus vid of all my FB pictures for those of you who waited


We had a pretty good week until Friday.

We battled the freezing freeezing weather. I know, I know I have NO right complaining about that- Florida is the ONLY state in the US that Didn't get ANY snow. But, dammit it is Florida and we STILL had hard freeezes and it was nasty wet cold. So I'll complain if I wanna . Florida's wet cold is made of evil. Some snow would have been almost nice.

We managed to beat down/hide out from the cold pretty well though, even played Wii ..On the back porch

Jess & Steve had an old big tv in their room and brought it to us! I guess they got tire of playing games on our tiny tv screen. So we set it up on the back porch Monday afternoon for a bit
- Somehow it didn't even rain on us (though it was raining everywhere else all over town)..AND I even bundled up and picked up the kid on the bike and beat the rain.
We need a new entertainment center to hold that behemoth of a television
Tuesday , I helped in the classroom- and the kids were MUCH better behaved than last time. Getting back into the swing of things after the winter break , I guess...Sucks thought because now they have it again and have a fourday weekend this week.-sigh-.

Lissy called me.. From the road. She had mumbled something about wanting to travel to DC and take the baby to see his Dad. She got Steph to tag a long and just up and left! I admire her ability to just take off with a kid. Of course, she JUST made it out of GA in time for them to shut it down because of the snow. She should be on her way back now and hopefully she makes it through safe and sound.
Here is a pic of them in DC- Very cold looking, I wonder how Nico is doing in the snow...
The positive about her being stuck up there is that they got to attend an ICANHASCHEEZEBURGER gathering AND got me a signed book! Squee!

While you are sending that relative some safe travel vibes
- send Dad some good health vibes, He got some bad news from his doc recently(still needs some more testing).So lots of good thoughts needed .
__----- After note- Lissy just called she is home safe. :)

Wednesday was a pretty alright day-
I bundled up and had to ride the bike in the FREEEZING cold-
We waited at the playground for Ri to get off work and take us home, instead of riding Rory back in the cold.




...Thursday was even colder though- So, I begged Steve & Jess to ride me out to pick her up. Thank goodness they did just the walk from the car to the school was wet/wind frozen.

I gotta say having Steve & Jess as local friends has helped us out in uncountable ways. They've been there when we have needed a hand or an ear. Jess makes a damn good scrabble opponent and even through we never knew each other growing up, we grew up with so many of the same people we have had countless nostalgic convos.

I should have known Friday would start crappy when I woke up SCREAMING with a charlie horse.
In the interest of not divulging too much personal matter here- I will say the day continued to be painful from there out.
The past year we were blessed in SO many ways , by so many people
-but, it almost seems a reoccurring theme that we give out so much of our love,trust and faith in other people ,just to feel like some of those people don't even notice and still manage to think the worst of us.
As though, despite all of effort to be good to others ,and just be good people -we can still be judged as a monster.
It reminds me of what Rory's teacher tells the kids to say to someone that insults them "It hurts my heart when you do that" .
It does indeed, hurt my heart.And Ri's heart.. I've never seen him so down.Plus, it makes me VERY angry for Ri. I am obsessive enough to always assume people think the worst of me..
it is new for anyone to think anything ill of Ri. He is a damn good person in so many ways that it is almost shocking someone would think otherwise.and it hurts so much more from people we love.

At least, Steve and Jess were able to jump over and just be here for us when we needed a shoulder.My friends and family have been here for us in so many ways over the years I at least know we ARE blessed with love and we will always have THAT in the end.
I don't know how we would cope sometimes if not for the love we have in our lives.
I guess I can never think everything is perfect though, seems there is always something that comes up to remind me that things are NEVER perfect- there are at best perfect fleeting moments- perfection in life is not attainable.

Well Anyways,
I still have the stink of Friday's depression on me- I am going to go shower it off and hope that Sunday is better.

PEACE AND TOFU CHICKEN GREASE,
BABYHELLFIRE